grief

Knowing You’re a Punk is the First Step in the Cure

by Bill Brenner April 3, 2014 Compulsive behaviors

I was an absolute punk this morning. I was incensed over tech problems, dropping F-bombs and punching the desk with my fist. Mood music: It’s a typical problem for someone with clinical OCD. You want to control everything, though you know it’s impossible. In mid-rage, I learned a friend had just lost a sibling. Rage turned to guilt. I’m no special case. We all lose our patience from time to time and act like spoiled brats. More…  [Read More]

My Brother Lives on in the Nephew He Never Met

by Bill Brenner January 9, 2014 Grief management

Thirty-one years ago this week, my older brother Michael died at age 17. I felt the need to write something to mark the anniversary. But to be honest, I didn’t know what to say. Mood music: Part of that is because I wrote the whole “how his death affected me” post three years ago in “Death of a Sibling.” I also delved into the lighter memories — the outrageous and hilarious shit he used to…  [Read More]

Aaron Swartz and How to Deal With Suicide

by Bill Brenner January 14, 2013 Grief management

I read many articles this weekend about the suicide of Internet prodigy and activist Aaron Swartz. Most were about how we should view his legacy in the face of charges that he used MIT’s computers to gain illegal access to millions of scholarly papers kept by JSTOR, a subscription-only service for distributing scientific and literary journals. Mood music: [spotify:track:2UaBnTuNF4pSBHZDRhzvMy] Some call Swartz a hero who stood up for Internet freedoms. Others point out that he…  [Read More]

To the Siblings in Sandy Hook

by Bill Brenner December 18, 2012 Grief management

To the people of Newtown, Conn., particularly the surviving children of Sandy Hook Elementary School: I have no idea what it’s like to lose a child, and I pray to God I never will. But I’ve lost a sibling and know how that feels. So I’m hoping, nearly 30 years after my brother’s death, that some of what I’m about to say will be of some comfort to you. We all experience the death of…  [Read More]

An Inconvenient Death

by Bill Brenner November 28, 2012 Grief management

It happens whenever someone dies. After the initial shock passes, you start thinking about when the wake and funeral will take place, including whether it will get in the way of your work, family, or entertainment plans. We feel selfish and petty when we get this way, but it’s human nature. [spotify:track:4zbJWmA6NqIPSyNsLddZnO] Some of the youngsters in my life went through this as we prepared for the wake and funeral of Nana Ruth. There was…  [Read More]

Wakes Are for the Living, You Selfish Bastard

by Bill Brenner June 19, 2012 Grief management

My post “Death Etiquette: Pay Your Respects, Even If They Hate You” got a lot of response — all of it disagreeing with me. All who commented made good points, but some details require clarification. Mood music: [spotify:track:4hlPMJPtAZuwiDvkTNcBmX] My point in that post was that if someone you love dies and someone else tells you not to attend the memorial services, they are being selfish and you need to do what you feel is right…  [Read More]

Grief Management Put to Music

by Bill Brenner June 7, 2012 Grief management

Weeks after a loved one dies and we’ve allowed ourselves to fall apart, we have to make a choice: Stay in a fetal position, hidden from the world, or stand up and move forward. This is a little tribute to someone who made the latter choice. Mood music: [soundcloud url=”http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/48842027″ iframe=”true” /] I don’t know Ian Clark very well. We’re connected on Facebook, and I’m very fond of his mom’s band, The 360s (he plays…  [Read More]

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