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Ireland’s Gay Marriage Vote Was Inevitable

Some on social media are surprised Ireland voted so overwhelmingly to legalize gay marriage. One reason may be because Ireland is so predominantly Catholic, and Catholic doctrine says homosexuality is wrong.

As an American Catholic, I think the vote went as it did because more and more Catholics are thinking as I do on this subject.

Mood music:

My conscience tells me that government has absolutely no business defining what marriage — and, more to the point, love — should be about. The Catholic Church believes it should define what marriage is and the government should support that. I don’t agree with that, either.

I accept the Church’s opinion on gay marriage. I’m part of a union between one man and one woman, just as the Church wants it. But that’s my belief system. I don’t believe in imposing a lifestyle on other people.

There’s this notion that a person wakes up one day and decides being gay is a great lifestyle choice. All the people I’ve known over the years who fought against and hid their sexuality have shown me that’s bullshit. They didn’t get a choice. When they denied who they were, they became slaves to shame, escaping through false personas, drugs, and suicide.

For more on my take on homosexuality, see:
“Gay Haters or Just Idiots?”
“Racists AND Idiots”
“Depression and Being Gay”
“One More Thing About Being Depressed and Gay …“

No one should be forced to live a lie because of stigmas set down by church and government. No one should be told who and how to love.

I think, quite simply, that there are a lot of people in Ireland — globally, really, — who have had similar experiences with this issue.

So count me among those who are thrilled with the Irish vote.

The marriage equality symbol, with a Black Flag twist
The marriage equality symbol, with a Black Flag twist.
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The Boy Scouts of America Acted Cowardly

Yesterday I opined that the Boy Scouts of America should allow gays into the organization. I suggested that the organization was being cowardly by leaving it up to individual chapters to do the right thing, but a friend disagreed.

Mood music:

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Wrote my friend:

At a local level, the scouts are heavily supported by churches and religious groups. An all-out and immediate change would result in a mass exodus of sponsoring organizations, which would lead many troops packs to shut down. By taking this approach, the scouts are looking at evolution vs. revolution, which is probably the best we can expect from a 100-year old organization and which would allow new sponsoring groups to step up and take the places of any group that does not want to continue its association with the Scouts. While not a perfect solution, I think it’s actually the most workable in the short term.

Shortly after he sent that message, the Boy Scouts of America’s executive board voted to put off its decision, sending out this curious statement:

After careful consideration and extensive dialogue within the Scouting family, along with comments from those outside the organization, the volunteer officers of the Boy Scouts of America’s National Executive Board concluded that due to the complexity of this issue, the organization needs time for a more deliberate review of its membership policy. To that end, the executive board directed its committees to further engage representatives of Scouting’s membership and listen to their perspectives and concerns. This will assist the officers’ work on a resolution on membership standards. The approximately 1,400 voting members of the national council will take action on the resolution at the national meeting in May 2013.

It’s curious because Boy Scouts has already spent years kicking this issue around. My friend responded to the announcement with this follow-up email to me: “Now I agree with your cowardly comment.”

This isn’t rocket science. It’s about recognizing that people come in all stripes, and that we all deserve the opportunity to make a positive difference. The Scouts is a fabulous resource for helping people reach their full potential so they can contribute something positive to society. Keeping certain people out because they’re gay, something that’s more a matter of mental and physical development than personal choice, is wrong.

The Boy Scouts are assuming, just as the military did, that a person’s sexual orientation will prevent them from focusing on their duties. That’s horse shit.

The national organization had a golden opportunity to set an important example and allow in people who could really contribute to society with Scout training. It hasn’t wasted the opportunity yet, but yesterday’s delay was embarrassing and shameful.

Boy Scout Discrimination Comic

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Let Gays Join the Boy Scouts

As the father of two Boy Scouts, I’ve been following this one with great interest: A movement is afoot to pressure the Boy Scouts of America into abandoning its anti-gay policy. I say it’s time to drop this stupid ban.

Mood music:

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In this discussion I see a lot of the same comments:

  • Having gays sharing tents with straight kids would have a damaging effect on both parties.
  • Gay kids lack the moral fiber to be good Scouts.
  • Gays would erode moral.

We’ve seen these same arguments made in recent decades over gays in the military. In 2013, gays are serving in the military, and doing so with distinction. The bunking arrangements have been worked out, and ours remains one of the finest fighting forces on Earth. The things that worked for the military could be applied to the Scouts.

For me, though, the reason to let gays in is much bigger than those issues.

Being Scouts has made a huge difference for my sons. They’re learning survival skills that will carry them through life; skills that would have served me well in my younger years had I not been so stubbornly opposed to joining. They’re learning how to be law-abiding citizens who contribute to society.

As Scouts, Duncan and Sean have gotten to see the inner workings of their local police and fire departments and had a taste of of our region’s special place in history with trips to the Charlestown Naval Yard and Battleship Cove, where they spent a night camping in the bunks aboard the USS Massachusetts.

These experiences should be open to all kids, gay or straight.

My opinion is also influenced by the fact that I have several family members who are gay. They work their asses off, pay their taxes and work jobs that have benefited the greater good. They have been there for family. Their only crime, according to some seriously outdated thinking, is that their hormones and sexual orientation developed differently than those of the rest of us. Some people still foolishly believe that a person wakes up one morning and decides this is going to be their lifestyle choice. They’re forced to conceal their true nature to fit in with society, and the results are often damaging. People I love have been driven to severe depression, substance abuse and worse because they weren’t allowed to be true to themselves.

My attitude: An organization like the Boy Scouts is there to help people build moral and mental character. That opportunity should be open to everyone.

If such an organization can help us become better citizens, why on Earth would be want to exclude anyone?

I say all this as a Catholic who prays to God every day and who didn’t have to be gay to fall into a life of sin. I fight my demons daily and get my strength from my faith. Some think that’s strange. But then some think being gay is strange. I know many of my faith won’t share my position here. Some may even unfriend me on Facebook over it. So be it.

Homosexuals are not going anywhere. They’ve been part of humanity since the dawn of time. It’s time we started giving them a fair shake.

I hear the Scouts have considered leaving the question of gay membership up to local councils and the institutions that host packs and troops. That’s as unworkable as “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was in the military. It’s also cowardly.

We’re more than a decade into the 21st Century. Let’s start acting like it.

Drop the ban nation-wide.

boy scouts

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Christian Brochure: “Being Gay Is Bad, Like Overeating”

Some days it’s not easy being a Christian soldier. When my comrades talk in a way that makes sense, it’s all well and good. But when they say stupid things, such as being gay is bad — like bullying and overeating — my faith is tested.

Mood music:

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Fortunately for me, I learned a long time ago not to base my faith on the social politics of mere mortals, including those with leadership positions in the Catholic Church and elsewhere. If a priest says something I find hateful and out of line or is run out of town for spending church funds on porn, I remember that we all fail every day, and that the most important thing is one’s relationship with Christ and Christ alone.

Today’s tirade comes after seeing a brochure from Mission: America’s Linda Harvey that lumps being gay with being a bully or a glutton. Harvey’s new guide on how to talk to kids about homosexuality states that, among other things, “it’s not right to tell someone that being homosexual is okay. The person may be feeling sad because of being bullied, but never try to make him or her feel better by saying ‘gay’ is okay.”

She builds on this ridiculousness by comparing homosexuality to overeating: “Kids who are overweight are sometimes bullied, too. And we might want to make that person feel better. But it would be a mistake to say that overeating is a good thing, right?”

One of the major tenets of Christianity I try — and often fail — to observe is to not judge others. “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven,” says the Bible (Luke 6:37).

And yet, when it comes to the issue of homosexuality, all church leaders ever seem to do is pass judgement. They tell us that being gay is a lifestyle choice. They tell us that being gay is among the worst of all sins. I have several relatives who are gay, and I can tell you this: Not one of them woke up one morning and decided they’d be gay because it seemed like a cool lifestyle choice. Several gay friends and family fought their homosexuality, turning to drugs and suicide attempts. They eventually realized they are good people who have much to offer their fellow human beings. They pay their taxes, love their relatives, friends and community, and do God’s work every day in a variety of ways:

They help feed the poor.

They teach children to be kind to each other.

They take on jobs with massive responsibility and rise to the occasion.

They do things Jesus would approve of. They also do things Jesus would frown upon. But don’t we all? And Jesus still loves us all, no matter our failings.

I hope Harvey learns to stop judging people she doesn’t know. Telling children to judge others is un-Christian and contrary to what Harvey says she believes. Telling children it’s bad to be gay, even when it’s far beyond the individual’s control, is irresponsible. Telling them it’s OK to dislike a person because they aren’t like you is telling them it’s OK to judge people without having all the facts.

That’s the recipe from which a lot of bullying rises up.

PHOTO: Mission: America was founded in 1995 by Linda Harvey.