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Why I Don’t Separate Personal from Professional on Social Media

In the world of social media, I’ve seen a lot of folks try to keep their work and personal lives separate. For business, people use LinkedIn. Facebook is for friends and family. But I never even tried to do this. Here’s why.

Mood music:

I used to think it was possible for me to put on different faces for different crowds. I could have my family face, reserved for when I was at home or at family gatherings. Then, when it was time to go to work, I could put on my work face. For friends I could put on my friend face.

For a while, I managed to carry on that way. I had my reserved side for family. I’d exchange pleasantries but wouldn’t open up much. For work I showed my serious side, the cool demeanor that hid all the insecurities. For friends I showed my crazy side, with a mouth full of profanity and dark humor.

As I started working on myself a little over a decade ago, coming to grips with my demons, fears and self-destructive behavior, I realized I couldn’t hold all those pieces together anymore. It started to feel like juggling, and I’ve never been good at juggling.

The more it became a struggle, the harder I tried to make it work. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I let the different sides of myself melt into one pot.

The crazy, profane, serious, quirky parts of me were now there for all to see — at home, at work and in front of friends.

That was a moment of freedom for me. By pulling my various personalities out of their individual boxes, I became whole.

When social networking came along, I didn’t even try to keep things separate for different audiences. I realized I couldn’t do it in the real world, so how could I do it online? Whether it’s at an industry gathering, a party with friends or family or swapping comments with folks online, I let it all hang out.

I’m more honest — and happier — that way.


“Flower of My Madness,” by EddieTheYeti
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Just Admit You Were Wrong

When you passionately push opinions, it sucks to be proven wrong later. It’s happened to me plenty of times, and I’ve learned to simply correct the record as I go. Doing so keeps me honest.

What follows are posts I’ve done here and in my work-related blogs when I’ve had a change of heart.

The lesson: When you’re wrong, just admit it. It’s the right thing to do, and it will keep your credibility intact.

“The Women at RSA Conference 2015“
A couple years ago I suggested that renowned writer Violet Blue had no business speaking at BSidesSF because she wasn’t a security practitioner and this was a security conference. As I got to know her work better over time, I realized she did indeed bring something to the table.

“Revisiting My Earlier Argument About Security Curmudgeons“
In May 2011, while writing the Salted Hash blog for CSOonline, I wrote a post called “Take the Word Curmudgeon and Shove It.” I took aim at those in the industry who pride themselves on being cynical and suggested that they cut the vitriol. I still see this as a problem, but back then I painted the community with too wide a brush.

“I Was Wrong About Lance Armstrong“
When Lance Armstrong was first accused of doping, I defended him. I saw someone who had overcome cancer to rise to the top of his game, so I argued that he didn’t deserve to be stripped of his seven Tour de France titles. Time and additional evidence proved me wrong, so I said so.

“The Danger of False Memories“
I didn’t own up to any specific misjudgment in this post. But I did note that in a semi-autobiographical blog, it’s easy to mis-remember the past.

“Spectre of the Past” by EddieTheYeti
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The Imperfect Art of Coming Out

As new readers find this blog, they often ask the question I’ve heard many times before: Why the hell did I out myself? Wasn’t I afraid people would blackball me at work? Don’t I worry that I’ll be defined by my struggle with OCD above all else?

It’s a fair question.

Mood music:

First, let’s get the notions of courage and bravery off the table. Some have used those words to describe what I’m doing, and I appreciate that. But I really don’t think it’s that. Like I’ve said before, my grandfather parachuting behind enemy lines at the start of the D-Day invasion was courage.

I’m  doing this more because the point arrived where, for the sake of my own sanity, I had to start being myself as openly and honestly as I can. Honesty can be tough for people who deal with mental illness and addiction. But I decided I had to do better.

Read more on this in “The Liar’s Disease.”

Admittedly, some of the motivation is selfish. We OCD types have overdeveloped egos and tend to go digging for attention. It’s hard to admit that, but it’s the truth. Being open about that forces me to keep myself in check. It’s also an invitation for those around me to call me out on acts of ego and selfishness.

The biggest reason for doing this, without question, is my faith. I realized some time ago that when you toss the skeletons from your closet into the daylight, they turn to dust. Big, sinister stigmas become very small indeed. Then you can move on.

I didn’t arrive at this viewpoint easily. It took years of dirty work.

With my faith comes a need to serve others. In this case, I accumulated experiences that might be of help to other sufferers. Sharing wasn’t exactly something I wanted to do; it was something I had to do.

We’re all in this together. Many good people have helped me along the way. Trying to help someone else is the very least I could do. In the final analysis, we all help each other.

Getting it all out of the head and into this blog has certainly been helpful, so thanks for indulging me.

Did I risk my career to do this? I don’t think so.

That said, I don’t think I’d be doing this if I still worked for The Eagle-Tribune. The newroom’s culture wouldn’t have allowed for it. I have no idea if the culture has changed, but I suspect not.

I’ve gotten a ton of support from those I work with. That was true when I started this five years ago, during another job, and it’s true today, in my current job.

Does that mean everyone should put their demons out in the open as I have?

It’s not going to be the right decision for everyone to make. There are a lot of honorable reasons for people to keep their demons private. In many cases, the veil is what you use to protect others as well as yourself. But my veil blew away in the storm that was my life. Walking forward without it was all I could do.

As the line in Mötley Crüe’s “Home Sweet Home” goes, “My life is an open book, for the whole world to read.”

For my own development as a human being, I think it’s best that way.

Close to My Heart by EddieTheYeti“Close to My Heart” by EddieTheYeti. Read more of my ongoing series with EddieTheYeti.