The OCD Diaries

January 19, 2015

MLK on the Hole in Your Soul

This being the day we celebrate the life and legacy of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., I thought it appropriate to share 10 favorite quotes from the man. He didn’t just lead the way on Civil Rights. He led the way on addressing that hole in the soul that caused people to be full of racism and rage to begin with.

It’s that same hole that turns many of us into addicts and bullies. May his words cut through your soul and attack whatever demons that hold you back.

Mood music:

“Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking. There is an almost universal quest for easy answers and half-baked solutions. Nothing pains some people more than having to think.”

“The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict.”

“That old law about ‘an eye for an eye’ leaves everybody blind. The time is always right to do the right thing.”

“We who engage in nonviolent direct action are not the creators of tension. We merely bring to the surface the hidden tension that is already alive.”

“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.”

“It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that’s pretty important.”

“Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness.”

“An individual has not started living until he can rise above the narrow confines of his individualistic concerns to the broader concerns of all humanity.”

“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

“We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.”

MLK Jr. I Have a Dream

April 16, 2014

Three Things Jeff Bauman Teaches Us About Being Boston Strong

Jeff Bauman has gotten so much attention since the Boston Marathon bombings a year ago that I had resolved not to write about him here. I’m as inspired by his story as everyone else; I simply thought there was nothing I could say about the guy that hadn’t been already said.

Then I started reading his new book “Stronger.”

Mood music:

I’ve only read previews and excerpts thus far, but already I’m seeing something special.

About now you’re thinking I’m daft for only just now seeing something special. After all, the man’s durability of body and spirit has been evident since the day that bomb blew his knees off. We’ve seen picture after picture of him smiling in the hospital, throwing the first pitch at the start of a Red Sox game and appearing at the start of a Bruins playoff game.

But what I’ve read reveals raw feelings beneath the smile. In particular, he shows his discomfort as sports teams and politicians ask him to make appearances. He writes:

Did the Boston Bruins really want to do something nice for Jeff Bauman the human being? Or did they want him to be a prop? Something they could use to make a crowd of people cheer? Look at Jeff, isn’t he adorable? Look at Jeff, isn’t he brave? Look at Jeff, he’s a symbol. He’s a marketing tool.

Bauman also shares his relationship struggles before and after the bombings. He reveals the mood swings and commitment issues he thrust upon girlfriend Erin Hurley. Happily, the couple recently announced their engagement and that they are expecting a baby.

For me, there are three valuable lessons as I continue to read his story:

Don’t believe all the hype that surrounds you. Bauman knows he’s not the special snowflake the media and sports franchises portray him as. He’s essentially a regular guy who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and is doing the best he can with the fate he’s been handed. My experience as a writer is that people regularly put me on a pedestal for sharing my demons. I know I’m not special. Though, trust me, when people tell you you’re awesome often enough it’s easy to start believing it.
Smile, even when you don’t feel like it. We’ve seen all those pictures of Bauman smiling as he tries out his new prosthetic limbs. His writing reveals that on many days he didn’t feel like smiling. But he did anyway, and whether intended or not, that gives others the shot of inspiration needed to forge ahead in the face of adversity.
Make the best of bad situations. We all go through bad times. When we do, it’s hard to recognize the blessings hidden in them. Bauman knows his experience has made him stronger and that there are plenty of ways he can turn tragedy into something good. Reluctant as he may be some days, he has certainly made the best out of his situation.

Thanks for the inspiration, Jeff. And congratulations on the new book. I look forward to reading it in its entirety.

Stronger by Jeff Bauman

April 9, 2014

Success vs. Failure: Not as Simple as This Image Suggests

LinkedIn and other social media sites are publishing a lot of articles and graphics lately about things successful people do and don’t do. There are many good points in all of them, and they at least give us things to strive for. This graphic in particular caught and held my attention:

What Successful People Do and What Unsuccessful People Do

For the most part, I agree with this one.

Before I started to bring my demons to heel, many of my traits fell into the yellow. I hoped for certain people to fail. I held too many grudges to count. I criticized everyone and everything, and I was terrified of change. Over the years, I’ve learned to do a lot of what’s in the green column. And I’m much happier and more successful for it.

But the advice in the image isn’t as simple as the creators would have us believe.

Back when my demons were in control, I read every day, kept detailed to-do lists and accepted responsibility for my failures. Some colleagues used to tell me I beat myself up too much when things didn’t go well. Those traits are in the “successful” column.

In recent years I’ve enjoyed a lot of success. But I still do some of the things in this graphic’s “unsuccessful” column. I horde information and data. I fly by the seat of my pants much more than I used to — and I enjoy it. I find it hard not to pat myself on the back for jobs well done.

The lesson? The path to success or failure is much more complicated than an image can show us. And no matter how successful we are, there will always be room for improvement.

April 8, 2014

Eleanor Roosevelt Was a Badass

I’ve always admired Eleanor Roosevelt. She defied the society of her day and forged a new path for women. She was a tireless fighter for the disadvantaged. During WWII, she traveled to the front to visit the troops, despite the danger. She was an early fighter for civil rights. One of her most famous quotes was to do something every day that scares you.

The older she got, the more badass she became.

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/ede2_tuZJp8

In the 1950s, when she was in her late 60s and early 70s, she insisted on driving around the country to promote her various causes. The Secret Service freaked. A former First Lady was a tempting target, especially given her support of civil rights. That made driving around the South particularly perilous.

As a compromise, she agreed to pack a pistol.

I remember learning about that during a visit to the Franklin D. Roosevelt Presidential Library and Museum in Hyde Park, N.Y. But I had forgotten about it until Slate published a picture of her firearms license.

She didn’t let danger stop her, and she certainly didn’t let her age or sex stop her.

Have a look, and be inspired.

Eleanor Roosevelt's pistol license

February 19, 2014

Cancer Can’t Stop the Almighty Cashdollar

A friend and colleague announced via Facebook and Twitter that he has thyroid cancer.

Larry Cashdollar — an Akamai security researcher I like to call “The Almighty Cashdollar” — was tested a few weeks ago, and I know he’s been worried. Now, at least, he knows what he’s up against.

Mood music:

He wrote:

I have thyroid #cancer. I’ve been waiting for the last week for my biopsy results and the doctor called today.

— Larry W. Cashdollar (@_larry0) February 17, 2014

But he’s going to prevail. Here’s why.

As cancers go, the thyroid variety is among the most easily beaten. I know quite a few people who had it and, since surgery, have been cancer free.
Larry is tough. I’ve seen it in his workmanship. This is a guy who continued trying to do security research while lying in a hospital bed with pneumonia.
He has a good sense of humor. One of the first conversations I had with him was at dinner during last summer’s Black Hat hacker conference. We had a lot of laughs that night, and humor is the greatest weapon we have in a world gone mad.
He’s prevailed against the tough stuff before. Did I mention he tried to keep working from a hospital bed once? The dude is crazy, and you can’t beat crazy.
He has a lot of people pulling for him at home and work.

Now that you have an answer, I know you’re going to overcome this in short order, my friend.

I look forward to writing about your security research again. I doubt I’ll be waiting long.

Larry Cashdollar

December 19, 2013

Paying It Forward

Lately I’ve been doing profiles on people who inspire me. Last week, it was Trey Ford. This week, it’s Microsoft senior security strategist Katie Moussouris. I’m doing so because they deserve the honors. But it’s all part of a bigger strategy.

Mood music:

As I’ve noted before, my emotions this time of year tend to tilt toward the negative, and I’m definitely feeling depressed and prickly lately.

Though I’ve overcome a lot, I still get a huge shot of inspiration when I see others getting through their own adversity and doing great things. Focusing on them instead of my own crummy mood makes me feel better. The people I write about remind me that there’s still plenty of hope for humanity.

It also does you more good to hear about them than to read my annual grumbling about the Christmas dispirit.

A lot of people have told me that this blog has been helpful to them because it has made them feel less isolated and alien — and because I’ve focused on sharing what I’ve learned about living a better life and getting out of the hole. I’m glad for that. But if I don’t point you toward the many others setting powerful examples, I’m only doing half the job.

And so I’ll continue to pay it forward.

Who knows? You may soon find a post about you on here.

pay it forward

December 18, 2013

Katie Moussouris: Profile in Fortitude

Friends in the information security community continue to inspire me. Last week, it was Trey Ford. This week, it’s Microsoft senior security strategist Katie Moussouris.

Mood music:

Katie has had a huge year at Microsoft and in the wider security industry. After a seemingly eternal push, she succeeded in getting a bug bounty program off the ground, ensuring that the software giant will find and patch many more security holes than it has before. She traveled the globe nonstop, speaking, teaching and organizing for a multitude of security events.

And she did it despite adversity that would have crushed many good people.

She endured a divorce and continued to grieve from losses she suffered two years ago — both parents and a best friend from childhood died that year. There was a parent’s estate to settle, a high-pressure matter no matter how agreeable people try to be.

She continued to be a dedicated mom to her two children, even while circling the globe.

In short, she pressed on, refusing to let personal calamities derail her work.

She touched on this in a June 30 Facebook post, noting how she was having the weirdest, saddest, happiest, yet oddly most productive past couple years of her life. Years spent growing, grieving, gestating, breastfeeding, estate settling, celebrating births, and honoring lives cut short. And working to turn the heresy of a Microsoft bounty into gospel in the midst of it all swirling around and through her.

What she’s been through isn’t unique, and as I’ve noted many times before, we all suffer: We go through career challenges. We lose loved ones. Marriages crumble.

But when people do it with exceptional grace and fortitude, I like to celebrate them.

Here’s to your continued success, friend.

Katie Moussouris

December 11, 2013

You’re a Good Man, Trey Ford

As most of my friends in the information security community know, one of our own — Trey Ford — got left out in the cold last week when Black Hat’s powers that be decided they no longer needed a general manager to handle their annual summer conference. He’s following the proven path of seeking new job leads on the social networks.

But he’s doing something else that makes him worthy of mention here.

Mood music:

http://youtu.be/-BTad4tTdrE

Most people would single-mindedly push forward on their own job hunt, and that’s not a criticism. When you have bills to pay and mouths to feed, you have to do what’s necessary to get re-employed as quickly as possible.

But knowing that a lot of other people in the industry are looking for new jobs, Trey is offering to use his vast network to help them as he tries to help himself. In a message on Facebook, he said:

There are a number of folks looking for work, and I have fresh perspective on opportunities out there. Drop me an email and I will do what I can to help assist you in your hunt.

During times of global trauma, I like to refer people to a post I wrote two years ago about words of wisdom from Mister Rogers’s mother. She’d say that in tough times, the helpers always arrive.

While it’s certainly true during huge tragedies like the massacre at Sandy Hook Elementary School last year and the Boston Marathon bombings this year, it also applies to the seemingly smaller events, like someone losing a job and needing help to find a new one. In such cases, the hardship involves individuals rather than big segments of the population, but if you’re the individual who has lost income, it’s a pretty grave deal.

It warms the heart to know that there are people out there hell-bent on helping those individuals.

That someone like Trey would offer help when he needs to find work himself is damn inspiring.

Thanks for being you and Merry Christmas, friend.

Trey Ford

October 30, 2013

Red Sox Player Jonny Gomes: Profile in Fortitude

I’ll be honest with all you rabid sports fans: I’m not much of a sports guy. While my peers were playing on various ball teams in high school, my recreation was listening to heavy metal, going to concerts and getting into trouble. In adulthood, I’m always happy when the Boston sports teams do well, but I don’t stay up late to watch games or banter with colleagues about sports.

I still have an admiration for athletes, especially those who rise to the occasion despite heaping piles of adversity. A good example is Boston Red Sox player Jonny Gomes.

Mood music:

Since the Red Sox are my home team and are in the World Series, I’ve had plenty of opportunity to hear about Gomes. Here’s a kid who survived a car accident as a teenager while his best friend, who sat beside him in the backseat, was killed. Then, at the age of 22, he suffered a heart attack.

Yet here he is, playing professional baseball. In the World Series, no less. Tonight is game six at Fenway Park, and it could be the clincher.

When I was a kid fighting severe Crohn’s Disease, my fifth-grade teacher suggested I write to a fellow suffer: Rolf Benirschke, who at the time was playing professional football with the San Diego Chargers. He actually had severe colitis, a disease with many of the same effects as Crohn’s Disease. He wrote me back, and for a while we were pen pals.

Even at that early age, it was clear that I wouldn’t be getting into sports with the enthusiasm of my classmates. But the fact that a grownup had been through what I was going through and had made it to the top of his profession thrilled me and inspired me to stop feeling sorry for myself.

I also lost a best friend to a violent death and know how that can damage one’s soul. To get past that experience as a teenager, as Gomes did, is truly something to behold.

I’m pretty sure there are kids out there today who are being inspired by Gomes the way I was inspired by Benirschke.

May he enjoy many more years in professional sports.

Jonny Gomes on June 15, 2013

January 28, 2013

Cancer’s Silver Lining

These days it’s sobering for me to think of all the cancer patients I know personally. I’ve written about my aunt and one of my hometown friends. I’ve known others, as well. I’ve never had cancer, but it’s become a source of anxiety in my life.

Mood music:

[spotify:track:2ql32BJPN3hnyboml4JfER]

Along with knowing many who battle it, I’m at a higher risk of developing colon cancer one of these days, thanks to nearly a lifetime of Crohn’s Disease. I have to get a colonoscopy every couple of years to keep an eye on things, which gives me confidence that if it ever arrives, we’ll catch it early. But it’s given me a somewhat fatalistic outlook: I assume it’s coming eventually.

NPR recommends asking these two questions of your doctor before having your colonoscopy.

That said, I’ve seen a silver lining around this disease. Simply put, it tends to bring out the best in those who suffer from it.

I never hear the people I know with cancer grousing about it. There’s no “woe is me” going on. No bitterness. Just gratitude. They seem to appreciate what they have a lot more and spread that gratefulness around. I have no doubt they still experience plenty of anxiety and awful feelings out of public view. But that’s what makes their public face so inspiring. They can still show us how to be strong, even though they are exhausted and in a hundred kinds of pain.

I’m thinking about this because my Haverhill friend announced on Facebook that she’s decided to get hospice care. Renee Pelletier Costa often posts her messages from bed, because all the chemo and radiation saps her energy. But everything she posts is about how lucky she is and how much support and love she has.

Her battle is getting tougher, and she has decided on hospice care not because she sees the end in sight, but because the services offered will allow her to cast aside the chemo treatments and focus on healthier daily living. She wants to be able to do more for her family and get more quality from the time she spends with them, and this is how she can do that.

“I have no plans of dying anytime soon,” she wrote on Facebook. “Only God knows.”

Indeed, it’s not about dying. It’s about living. It’s more useful to focus on the latter, because when you get down to it, none of us really knows how much time we have.

Thanks for the lesson, Renee.

Livestrong Tatoo