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To My New Nephew

The family has been blessed with a new addition: Hunter Wild Anderson, born Saturday to my step-brother Brian and sister-in-law Sharane.

Mood music:

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Hi, Hunter.

I’m you’re Uncle Bill, the one who’s going to show affection by teasing you a lot. I’ll do my best not to go too far. I listen to really loud, offensive music. I can’t wait to expose you to that.

Your cousins have been eagerly awaiting your arrival. Sean and Duncan, Lilly and Chase are going to love having you around. It won’t be long before you join them, racing around your grandparents’ condo, making forts out of the couch pillows and getting food on the floor.

You’re blessed with easygoing parents. Your mom knows how to laugh and make others laugh. Your dad has been through more than his fair share of adversity but has managed to stay positive and keep his humor. Together, your parents are a lot of fun. They’ll surely pass those traits on to you, and thank God for that.

Life is hard, and humor is one of the most important survival tools you can have. Your dad is also a professional chef. This makes you incredibly lucky, because high-end cooks are hard to come by in this family. You’ll figure that out the first time I cook something for you.

You have grandparents who will dote on you and love you unconditionally. You also have some fabulous aunts, uncles and cousins. Aunt Shira is one of the most serene and talented people I know. She’ll teach you how to dance and, when you’re being difficult as we all can be, she’ll respond with endless patience. Aunt Stacey, Uncle Sean and Lilly and Chase are very loving, generous souls, and that’s going to rub off on you, too. Aunt Wendi will give you a special appreciation for music and, along with Aunt Dee, will pass on a love of animals. Their house has enough dogs and cats to fill Noah’s Arc. You’ll enjoy that.

Life won’t be easy. You’ll go through plenty of ups and downs. But let me share a little secret with you: The key to getting through the down periods with your overall happiness intact is to simply recognize that life is supposed to be hard. It’s what helps us grow. And there’s no such thing as never having a care in the world. Some folks still reach for that state of mind, and they’re almost always crushed when reality fails to meet their expectations.

If you want, I can help you navigate through that stuff. I’ve developed some coping skills along the way. You’re going to screw up. Don’t worry about it. We all do. Screwing up makes us stronger when we’re willing to learn from our mistakes.

One more thing, my young friend: If you ever want to do something big in life and those around you tell you it can’t be done, ignore them. You can accomplish anything if you put your mind to it. That’s a cliché of a statement, but it’s the truth.

As I write this you’re only a couple days old. Sean, Duncan, Aunt Erin and I can’t wait to meet you.

You’re going to be great, kid. Welcome home.

—Uncle Bill
Hunter Wild Anderson

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14 Years, and She Still Turns My Heart to Jelly

You would think that after 14 years of marriage, I’d get over that gushy feeling you walk around with when you first fall in love. But the truth is that I still get that way. All the time. Because I know how blessed I am to have Erin as my wife.

Mood music:

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Everything about her makes me that way. Her hair. Her smell. Her relentless drive to do right by God. She’s my best friend, lover and guiding light.

Like any marriage, we’ve had our issues over time. I’m not the guy I used to be. Not even close. She’s not the same person I married, either. But as the priest said at our wedding on Aug. 1, 1998: “You marry the person you think you know, then spend the rest of your lives getting to know each other.”

A big Rocky fan, this priest was. And he quoted the Italian Stallion in the wedding homily. In the first Rocky movie, the boxer starts dating a quiet, shy, plain-looking girl named Adrien. Rocky’s best friend is Adrien’s brother, Pauly, who asks Rocky what he sees in her. Rocky explains, “Because she has gaps! She’s got gaps and I got gaps, and between the two of us, our gaps meet and we sort of fill each other in.”

It doesn’t always work out that way. I have friends who had seemingly unshakable marriages that crumbled in the end. These divorces have scared us, because they show how easily a marriage can fall apart.

It’s also true that as couples get older, communication gets harder. You get comfortable and set in a routine. And once children enter the picture, there’s precious little time to focus on each other.

Some married couples stop talking about these things and drift apart. Erin and I decided several months back to face the issue head on. Not because we’re mad at each other, because we’re not. Ours is not a marriage in trouble. But we know that when a couple stops communicating long enough, the relationship can deteriorate. Since we love each other, we’re not going to let that happen. Pure and simple.

We’re accepting that as we get older, we need more maintenance. That goes for how we talk to each other and how we connect on a spiritual level.

In some ways, those gaps Rocky spoke of grew wider over the years, and we’re just now getting the hang of filling in each other’s gaps.

That’s OK, though. Everything happens by God’s timetable.

This past year has been a lot of work. I’ve been trying to break down my wall with everything I have. I’ve knocked a lot of bricks loose, but new bricks seem to grow in over time.  Meantime, Erin has been giving her all to confront her own issues. Some might see that as too much to take, but not me. There have been a lot of beautiful moments in the journey. In many ways, I feel like we’ve reconnected in ways we haven’t seen in a very long time.

The work will never be done, and that’s fine with me. Because it’s a labor of love.

Happy anniversary, Honey.

Hands in a Heart

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Family Reading Time

In our house, a cool nightly ritual has taken hold. We all gather on my bed and read until the kids reach their bedtime and the grown-ups (me specifically) pass out.

Mood music:

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Here’s what I love about it:

  • We’re all together in one cozy spot.
  • The kids have their faces buried in books, which always makes me a proud papa.
  • After the typically chaotic days we live, with two demanding jobs and kids who are involved in a lot of activities, it’s a change to be mellow and quiet. Since Sean and Duncan are often like Mothra vs. Godzilla when they’re together, this is a chance to teach them the value of quiet time.

Sometimes the children and I pass out in the middle of family reading time. One time, Erin was out at an event during the usual family reading time and came home to this:

Brenner Boys Hog the Bed

Eventually, the kids go to bed and it’s just me and Erin. We’ll keep reading until I inevitably fall asleep first. Sometimes, before that happens, we’ll talk and snuggle.

Good times? Absolutely.

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Celebrating Erin

Today is Erin’s birthday, and it feels like a national holiday to me. My life is crammed with blessings because of her, so it’s perfectly appropriate to celebrate her life this way.

Mood music:

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A few things you should know about Erin:

She’s the best mom on the planet. Our two boys have hearts and minds of gold. Their faces are always buried in books, they pray to God daily and spread joy everywhere they go. If you think they got that from me, you’re out of your mind.

While many people stay in jobs that make them unhappy because they fear change, she took the dive, started her own business and made it a success in less than two years. That should inspire anyone who labors under the delusion that they can’t do better.

She turned the Brenner house into a green zone. No paper napkins or chemical-laced cleaning agents around here. It’s all cloth napkins and organic cleaners. She’s teaching the kids to respect their planet and treat it as the God-given gift that it is. Her efforts have even rubbed off on me, and that’s no easy feat. I grew up on Revere Beach before they built the water treatment plant and restored the coastline to its pristine glory. Home to me included trash in the sand and slime in the water. You get used to living that way, and change comes slowly.

She’s a tireless servant of The Lord. Everything she does is based on her Faith. Being kind to the planet because God gave it to us. Raising kids to do the same, and bringing her husband closer to God.

We’re getting older and have more wrinkles and gray hair than we used to have.

That’s a gift, too.

I have the perfect soul mate to grow old with. What more could anyone ask for?

Happy Birthday, Sweetie. 🙂