The OCD Diaries

June 25, 2013

I Like This Pope

As a Catholic who has rebelled against the political structure of the Church, I gotta say this new Pope is giving me a lot of hope. Francis is turning out to be a rebel in his own right, shunning the trappings of power and putting the focus squarely back on Jesus, where it belongs.

Mood music:

The latest example: Pope Francis skipped a concert over the weekend where he was to be the guest of honor. On the surface, some could see it as a snub, the act of an ungrateful person. But cut through all that and the message he was sending is clear: He’s going to focus on the people’s business, not spend his hours drinking in all the pomp and opulence the Church likes to bathe itself in.

Here’s how Reuters descrbed the no-show:

Minutes before the concert was due to start, an archbishop told the crowd of cardinals and Italian dignitaries that an “urgent commitment that cannot be postponed” would prevent Francis from attending.

The prelates, assured that health was not the reason for the no-show, looked disoriented, realizing that the message he wanted to send was that, with the Church in crisis, he — and perhaps they — had too much pastoral work to do to attend social events. …

The day before the concert, Francis said bishops should be “close to the people” and not have “the mentality of a prince.”

It’s also worth noting that since his election on March 13, Francis hasn’t spent a single night in the papal apartments, which is known for its grandeur. Instead, he sleeps “in a small suite in a busy Vatican guest house,” according to Reuters, “where he takes most meals in a communal dining room.”

The Reuters story notes how the bishops were left disoriented by the no-show, with one Vatican source saying, “We are still in a period of growing pains. He is still learning how to be pope and we are still learning how he wants to do it.”

The Vatican may indeed be struggling to learn how Francis wants to do things. But I think he sent them a clear message. As for Francis learning to be Pope, I think he’s got it figured out. It’s just not the way the old, complacent power structure wants it. My prayer is that they will learn and fall in line.

A lot of evil has attached itself to the Catholic Church over the years, and I’ve struggled to stay faithful. I do so by always remembering that my beliefs are centered on Jesus and how he gave sinners like me another chance to get things right. My faith has never been tied to the random and intolerant rules of the Holy See.

The sex abuse scandal tested my faith, as has the often-hateful messages toward gays.

You could say I need a pope like Francis. I hope this fresh approach of his continues.

Archbishop Rino Fisichella reads a message from Pope Francis before a RAI National Symphony Orchestra concert in Paul VI hall at the Vatican. (photo credit: Reuters)

May 29, 2013

The Little Boy, the LEGO Gun and a World Gone Mad

I understand the anxiety educators feel over guns, especially after the horrific events in Newtown, Conn. What I don’t get is how absolutely stupid and unreasonable grownups have become over every little thing.

Case in point: a 6-year-old boy getting in trouble for carrying a LEGO gun barely the size of a quarter.

Mood music:

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I already sensed we had gone off the deep end when a high-school girl got the book thrown at her for a science experiment gone wrong. But this is so much worse. From WCVB Channel 5:

A Massachusetts kindergartener has been given detention and could be suspended from the bus after bringing a Lego-sized gun to school last week.

The incident happened on an Old Mill Pond Elementary School bus in Palmer last week.

A 6-year-old had the toy gun, which is slightly larger than a quarter, on the bus and it was seen by another student, who alerted the bus driver.

The boy’s mother, Mieke Crane, said her son had to write a letter of apology to the driver, was given detention and could be temporarily suspended from the bus.

One must wonder if the driver had smoked a big fat one with school administrators before that bus ride. A bad reaction to weed is the only reason I can think of for why they’d treat a tiny LEGO gun sighting as if it were Dirty Harry’s .44 Magnum.

My kids are LEGO freaks and there are tons of these tiny guns all over the house. It hurts like hell when you step on one with your bare foot. But that’s about all the damage these things are capable of.

“[The driver] said he caused quite a disturbance on the bus and that the children were traumatized,” Crane told the local news.

Really? Traumatized because they thought the boy would shoot them, or because they all wanted one just like it? Kids can be pretty unreasonable when it comes to toy envy.

Or maybe they were traumatized because all the grownups around them have gone bat-shit crazy, overreacting in the name of school safety and political correctness.

In their overreaction, they are teaching children that violence lurks around every corner and that they should fear everything and everyone, even classmates with toys that are cooler than theirs.

They’re helping to create a paralyzed, paranoid police state.

In this world gone mad, not even the children are safe.

LEGO gun

April 24, 2013

If the Charges Are True, This Man Is a Monster

I tend to avoid the abortion issue, because it’s a no-win topic. But I’ve been following a murder trial recently that turns my stomach so severely that I can’t keep my mouth shut.

Mood music:

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The Catholic Church tends to label anyone who is against Roe v. Wade as being a baby killer. I don’t think the situation is that simple. I agree that abortion is wrong, tragic and evil. It disgusts me that some women choose to terminate a pregnancy because it’s inconvenient.

There are cases, however, when a pregnancy becomes a grave medical circumstance, such as when the mother’s life is in danger. This scenario is not abortion in my book; it’s a lost baby. And I’ve never met a person who was happy about losing a baby. They’re almost always devastated.

Yet the case of Kermit Gosnell is pretty straightforward. The Philadelphia abortion doctor is on trial for allegedly delivering live, screaming children and then snuffing them out. If the testimony of witnesses in this case are to be believed, and they seem pretty credible to me, this guy is a baby killer. He’s a monster who deserves a special place in Hell.

CNN paints the following picture:

A Pennsylvania doctor is accused of running a “house of horrors” in which he performed abortions past the 24-week limit allowed by law — even allegedly as late as eight months into pregnancy.

He used scissors, authorities say, to sever the spinal cords of newborns who emerged from their mothers still alive. …

Gosnell faces eight counts of murder: for the deaths of seven babies, and in the case of a 41-year-old woman who died of an anesthetic overdose during a second-trimester abortion.

The babies were born alive in the sixth, seventh and eighth months of pregnancy, but their spinal cords were severed with scissors.

This story has not made the front page much. Melinda Henneberger of The Washington Post offers a possible reason:

I say we didn’t write more because the only abortion story most outlets ever cover in the news pages is every single threat or perceived threat to abortion rights. In fact, that is so fixed a view of what constitutes coverage of that issue that it’s genuinely hard, I think, for many journalists to see a story outside that paradigm as news. That’s not so much a conscious decision as a reflex, but the effect is one-sided coverage.

That’s why I choose to write about this case today. This is a case study that forces us to look long and hard at our own positions. As disgusting as the details are, I think we need that look in the mirror sometimes.

If the charges are true, this man is a monster.
Kermit Gosnell

April 22, 2013

Dzhokar Tsarnaev’s Age Can’t Shield Him From Justice

After the elation everyone felt Friday night when the second suspected Boston Marathon bomber was captured after a bloody manhunt, the mood dropped again.

Some fellow parents lamented the fact that a 19-year-old kid could do what Dzhokar Tsarnaev is accused of doing. They pictured him curled up in a ball in that backyard boat in Watertown, scared beyond all comprehension. Tsarnaev
is someone’s child, someone pointed out.

Here’s why I’m less sympathetic.

Mood music:

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I was a real punk at 19. I had little to no respect for my elders. I had a violent temper and broke things on an almost daily basis. I drank, I smoked, I lied. I drove recklessly. I held people in contempt if they didn’t share my so-called values. You could say I was a time bomb. Sooner or later, I could have done something that would have landed me in jail. As it turned out, I chose to turn that destructive energy on myself instead.

I’m not a special case. I know a lot of people who were like that at 19. Some of them are no longer among us. Those who are have built beautiful families, careers and lives.

I never seriously plotted to hurt anyone. I sure as hell would never have dropped a bomb at someone’s feet and have run. Most of the young punks I knew wouldn’t have done so, either.

If the charges are proven true, Dzhokar Tsarnaev and his older brother Tamerlan had something in them that most of us lack: the will and desire to take innocent lives.

I do feel badly for Dzhokar on one point: He was probably under the influence of and led astray by his older brother. It wouldn’t be the first time in history that a kid did things he wouldn’t have done unless pushed by an older sibling he revered and wanted to please at all costs. I wanted to please my older brother, too. But he was a better role model and, had he lived to adulthood, I’d have been better for it.

Dzhokar killed and maimed people. It’s harder to feel sympathy for him than for your typical 19 year old.

Maybe he’ll turn his life around and do some serious soul-scouring. He may earn forgiveness along the way and find ways to help people. If convicted, he’ll have to tend to those things from prison. When you hurt people the way he is accused of doing, you lose all rights to freedom.

That may be cold, but it’s how I feel.

suspect 4

April 17, 2013April 2, 2015

When People Don’t Like A Discussion, They Call It Drama

Since I write a lot about how we talk to each other in this blog and my professional one, I hear the word drama a lot. It’s almost always used to describe something people don’t want to discuss. It’s a one-word arsenal meant to shoot down anyone you disagree with. I get shot at a lot. And I’m perfectly fine with it.

Yesterday I publicly took a local newsman to task for relishing his coverage of the Boston Marathon bombings a little too much. He was on Facebook, telling us about how he had the best information and the best inside sources at the hospitals and in law enforcement. He ripped politicians who didn’t come right out and call this a terrorist attack. He kept track of the death count like a scorekeeper at a ballgame, going on about how the media was reporting three deaths but his tally was four.

He boasted that his info was the best, better than Fox, better than the Eagle-Tribune, a local newspaper he competes with fiercely. He carried on exactly as he has in the past, and that’s why I wrote this post a few weeks ago. When all you can do is toot your horn during your reporting, you become part of the problem in media today.

The reaction to my criticism was swift. Some agreed with me, while others defended him. The defenders accused me of creating drama, as if covering a national tragedy like a ballgame wasn’t drama itself. One person said I was engaging in a “form of adult bullying.” Another told me I needed to “get laid.”

As my 9 year old likes to say: “Whatever.”

Facebook is a place where everyone loves to express their outrage and pride with memes and sayings that are not fact-checked. That’s drama, too.

If I smell something that stinks, I’m going to say something about it. As a writer, that’s what I do. If it offends you, unfriend me or unsubscribe from my posts.

Better yet, do something about the drama you create.

kirk yelling at kahn

March 18, 2013

Five Takeaways from Steubenville Rape Case

After taking in some of the outrage among friends over the seemingly sympathetic coverage CNN gave to two Steubenville, Ohio, teens convicted of raping a young girl, I decided to watch the specific report that generated all the fuss.

Mood music:

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People are often conflicted over stories like this because the convicted are two kids who did what a lot of kids are capable of doing when they had too much booze. Reporters seemed heartbroken as one of the boys collapsed into the arms of his attorney after the guilty verdicts came down. “My life is over,” Ma’lik Richmond lamented to his lawyer. “No one will want me now.”

I just have a few points to make here:

While most kids have it in them to rape a classmate when they’re loaded, it’s usually a small minority of kids who go through with it. For that reason, I have trouble feeling sympathy for these boys. Teenagers know rape is evil. These kids knew what they were doing, drunk or not.
I don’t believe their lives are over. For starters, they’re getting off easy, spending one to two years in juvenile hall. True, they will forever be branded as sex offenders, but society will go easier on them because they were “stupid kids” at the time of their crime. They can absolutely turn their lives around and do something valuable, like standing up as examples of what kids should never do. They can go in schools across the country and help turn kids away from their darker instincts.
Feel badly for these boys if you must. But if you don’t feel a lot worse for the girl who was raped, there’s something wrong with you. She has been damaged far more than those boys will ever know. She’s the only victim in this case.
Feeling compassion for the convicted is all well and good. After all, no one should be happy that two teenagers are being locked away. But they did a crime and must be punished.
Don’t let the booze factor cloud your mind. The boys may have been drunk, but they still knew right from wrong and chose wrong. And, for the love of God, don’t you dare suggest the girl had it coming because she was blasted. I don’t care how a woman dresses or how drunk she is. No one ever deserves to be raped.

In this case the justice system worked. It’s an unhappy thing. But it’s the right thing.

rape case

March 14, 2013

Will the Catholic Church Lighten Up Under Pope Francis?

After the world got its first gander at Pope Francis yesterday, the inevitable “Lighten up, Francis” jokes started flying.

But there’s more than a cheap joke in all this. The question of whether the Church will lighten up under Pope Francis is a legitimate one.

Mood music:

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I’m a devout Catholic, which is to say I follow Jesus and believe he’s my savior. But I’ve often turned my nose up at the Vatican bureaucracy and have spoken up frequently about my belief that major reforms are needed to revitalize the Church. We need to put it all on the table: The role of women must be expanded. We must stop treating gays like lepers. We need to revisit the priest celibacy issue. Above all, we have to stop being self-righteous jerks. In other words, yes, the Catholic Church does need to lighten up.

Also see “My Name Is Bill, and I’m with the Religious Left.”

Is Pope Francis the man to get us there? Probably not. But that doesn’t mean he’ll be a bad pope.

Based on published reports, including this one from CNN, the man is no friend of the so-called liberal wing of the church. Says CNN:

Francis opposes same-sex marriage and abortion, which isn’t surprising as leader of the socially conservative Catholic church.

But as a cardinal, Francis clashed with the government of Argentine President Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner over his opposition to gay marriage and free distribution of contraceptives.

But that and other reports also describe him as a simple man. He chose the name Francis — the first Pope to do so — because he wanted to honor St. Francis of Assisi, a servant to the poor and destitute. St. Francis of Assisi was born into a world of wealth but chose to live in rags among beggars at St. Peter’s Basilica in Rome.

Cannibal Cop’s Morbid Fantasy Crossed the Line

The New York Times published a story about the conviction of Gilberto Valle, a police officer who apparently plotted to kidnap, torture and eat several women. He never actually abducted or killed anyone. It was mostly talk in seedy online chat rooms. Which begs the question: Should a person be tried and jailed for dark thoughts that percolate in the mind?

Mood music:

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Valle’s trial highlighted some of the darkest corners of cyberspace, where, as the NYT noted, “fetishists hide behind Web identities like Girlmeat Hunter — the name that Mr. Valle used — and engage in role-playing fantasy about cannibalism and sexual torture.” Prosecutors successfully argued that Valle went beyond the fantasy and started laying the groundwork to carry out his dark fantasies. He kept files on women, illegally obtaining details from a restricted police database. He also researched kidnapping and cooking techniques. (See court documents here.)

My two cents: If you’re keeping detailed plans on your laptop and conducting surveillance, you’re moving past online fantasy and engaging in a real-world conspiracy. Using a restricted police database for the task is worth conviction on its own.

We’ve all had twisted thoughts. In some cases, those thoughts become obsessive-compulsive fantasies. Usually, the fantasy is about killing someone who caused pain and aggravation. Maybe it’s the boss who torments you. Maybe it’s the lady who cut you off on the highway. Then there are the sexual fantasies people have.

I’ve had my fantasies about punching people in the face and dropping them off a cliff. As a recovering compulsive binge eater, I’ve had vivid fantasies about the food I would binge on and how I’d get it. The latter fantasies often became reality. But eating Twinkies and Big Macs is not illegal, and though I’ve had fantasies of violence, I’ve never acted on them. That’s how it is for most of us. We entertain dark thoughts but don’t act on them, because for the most part we are law-abiding citizens with a sense of right and wrong.

If Valle was making blueprints and researching his potential victims, then his sense of right and wrong was impaired, making him a threat to public safety.

The lesson for the rest of us is that we must always work to control our actions. We can’t always stop the bizarre images our minds weave, but we can hold the line between fantasy and reality.

Those who have trouble doing so need to get help before they end up hurting someone.

Below: Former New York City police officer Gilberto Valle (L), dubbed by local media as the “Cannibal Cop”, listens as his wife Kathleen Mangan testifies in this courtroom sketch on the first day of his trial in New York February 25, 2013. REUTERS/Jane Rosenburg

Cannibal Cop

March 7, 2013

Hey, Tom Duggan: You’re Doing It Wrong

I like Tom Duggan, editor of one of my local newspapers, The Valley Patriot. Against heavy odds, he started his paper nine years ago to compete with The Eagle-Tribune, the dominant daily of the Merrimack Valley region, and it’s been a big success.

Mood music:

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As a former Eagle-Tribune editor, I’ve enjoyed Duggan’s effort. I have bad memories from my days there, much of the grief self-inflicted, some of it the byproduct of spending too long in the viper pit that is the typical daily newsroom. I couldn’t help but take joy in the fact that my old bosses had a fight on their hands.

In recent years I’ve mellowed. I wasn’t the most pleasant guy to work with, and I’m grateful for enduring friendships I made despite that. I’ve also enjoyed a fair amount of career success since then, so dwelling on the past lost its luster. Still, I’ve continued to enjoy Duggan’s effort.

But there’s something in his approach that annoys me as well. He’s an over-the-top gloater, and it hurts people who don’t deserve it.

Yesterday, Duggan was on Facebook delighting in a shakeup in the Eagle-Tribune newsroom. Publisher Al Getler was fired, and Salem News Editor Karen Andreas was apparently brought in to replace him. Duggan referred to Getler as “puppetboy” (Getler is a ventriloquist as well as newspaper publisher) and celebrated the man’s downfall with child-like glee.

In the past Duggan has picked on E-T reporters, some by name, and boasted mightily over scoops he has had enjoyed. He’ll usually go on about all the news he broke while E-T reporters and editors were asleep at their desks. He often frames E-T staff as clueless and plays up how great he is by comparison.

The more grownup thing to do would be for Duggan to keep his wins to himself. Die-hard newspaper readers know when one paper beats another, and gloating comes off as childish.

Duggan should also check his facts; the gloating he does isn’t always true. I’ve watched him brag about scoops only to go to the E-T website and find the same story covered, often at more depth.

Boasting about scoops these days is especially childish because it’s become all but impossible to tell who is really first in this age of Facebook and Twitter. A private citizen can hear something on a police scanner and tweet the news, and suddenly they’re the one with the scoop.

I also know as a veteran journalist that it’s not always better to be first. Many stories need to be covered more slowly, more deliberately and with greater sensitivity, especially after a terrible tragedy.

As imperfect as The Eagle-Tribune is, the staff are far from clueless. I’ve seen them in action and have been part of it. Two Pulitzer Prizes testify to the paper’s dedication and endurance.

Congratulations on your success, Tom. But don’t let the need for bluster cheapen your victory.

Tom Duggan

February 13, 2013

Truth in Advertising at the Heart Attack Grill?

I admit to some laughter when I read the news that John Alleman, unofficial spokesman and mascot for Las Vegas’ infamous Heart Attack Grill, dropped dead of a heart attack outside the restaurant. “Talk about truth in advertising,” I thought to myself. Then I felt like an asshole.

Mood music:

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Finding humor in someone’s death is bad enough, but I could have easily been this guy. Frankly, I still could be.

The Heart Attack Grill is typical of the excess that is Las Vegas. Its high-calorie menu includes the 9,982-calorie, 3-pound Quadruple Bypass Burger. The restaurant’s waitresses dress as sexy nurses and “prescribe great-tasting high-calorie meals including the Double Bypass Burger, Flatliner Fries, Full Sugar Coke, Butterfat Shake, and no-filter cigarettes!” according to the website. Its slogan is “Taste worth dying for.”

Alleman, a 52-year-old security guard, was featured on the Heart Attack Grill clothing line and ate at the restaurant daily. He was known for devouring so many burgers chased down with cream-laden milkshakes with a dollop of butter on top that the restaurant nicknamed him “Patient John.”

The poor guy collapsed outside the eatery while waiting for the bus. It’s really not the way a person wants to be remembered, is it?

I’ve walked past the restaurant during trips to Vegas for security conferences, but I’ve never gone in. As someone with a history of binge eating and overall food addiction, that would be unwise. But then excess is everywhere you go in that town, which is why I hate the place.

Need help with your relationship with food? Visit our Eating Disorders Resources page.

It would be easy to get on my soapbox and decry restaurants like this as an evil that preys on people like me, but I know that’s just not true. As I’ve said about McDonald’s, once my favorite binging hole, the problem isn’t the establishment. Healthy-minded people can eat there once in a while and balance it with a healthy lifestyle the rest of the time. The Heart Attack Grill is no different.

If someone can enjoy infrequent moments of total excess without letting those moments control and consume them, good for them. I envy them, because a disconnected wire in my brain prevents me from living that way.

It appears Alleman had the same problem. I’m glad it wasn’t me this time.

Heart attack grill