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Nobody Likes a Peever

I’m all for vigorous debate. If I write something you think is bullshit, I want your criticism. The resulting discussion means we walk away a little smarter.

But if all you want to do is show how smart you are and how stupid the other person is, you’re not being a good debater or critic, you’re just being a peever

And nobody likes a peever.

Mood music:

As a longtime writer and editor, I’ve found no better example of peevery than the folks who equate a misplaced comma or misspelled word with stupidity.

I’m not talking about the folks who calmly reach out to you to let you know you’ve made a typo. It may be uncomfortable for the recipient, but the feedback is coming from a polite, neighborly place.

I’m talking about the people who have stylistic preferences. If you don’t follow their gospel to the letter, they go crazy and blast you on Facebook and Twitter for being grammatically impure. I’m talking about those who bash you publicly for the garden-variety typos. For them, it’s not enough to simply point out that you’ve put a comma in the wrong place. They have to berate you for slipping up because, you know, you’re a professional and mistakes are unprofessional.

Of course, you don’t have to be a writer or editor to be a peever.
People who tear down others online over their political beliefs are peevers. People who publicly judge others over their life choices are peevers. People who get self-righteous over other people’s posts are peevers.

To be fair, I think many of us have had our moments as peevers. I certainly have. For example, I really hate all those pre-written, self-righteous Facebook posts. One example:

I was RAISED, I didn’t just grow up. I was taught to speak when I enter a room, say Please & Thank you, to have Respect for my elders, lend a helping hand to those in need, hold the door for the person behind me, say Excuse me when it’s needed, & to Love people for who they are, not for what you can get from them! I was also taught to treat people the way I want to be treated! If you were raised this way too, please re-post this…sadly, many won’t, because they weren’t, and it shows~Thank you

One day, I told Erin I was going to write a post flaming all those stupid sayings.

“Tell me what that has to do with OCD?” she asked, giving me that stare she gives me when she’s certain that I’m full of shit.

“It’s a trigger,” I said, not really meaning it.

“It’s not a trigger. It’s a peeve. You going to go pet it now?” she asked, still giving me that stare.

I was being a peever, and she called me out on it.

None of us are perfect. We all say and write stupid things sometimes. When someone else does it, we should cut them some slack and, as needed, privately offer feedback.

Remember: Flaming people in public doesn’t make you useful. It just makes you a peever.

No one likes a peever.

cartoon drawing of a disembodied mouth on four wheels

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When People Don’t Like A Discussion, They Call It Drama

Since I write a lot about how we talk to each other in this blog and my professional one, I hear the word drama a lot. It’s almost always used to describe something people don’t want to discuss. It’s a one-word arsenal meant to shoot down anyone you disagree with. I get shot at a lot. And I’m perfectly fine with it.

Yesterday I publicly took a local newsman to task for relishing his coverage of the Boston Marathon bombings a little too much. He was on Facebook, telling us about how he had the best information and the best inside sources at the hospitals and in law enforcement. He ripped politicians who didn’t come right out and call this a terrorist attack. He kept track of the death count like a scorekeeper at a ballgame, going on about how the media was reporting three deaths but his tally was four.

He boasted that his info was the best, better than Fox, better than the Eagle-Tribune, a local newspaper he competes with fiercely. He carried on exactly as he has in the past, and that’s why I wrote this post a few weeks ago. When all you can do is toot your horn during your reporting, you become part of the problem in media today.

The reaction to my criticism was swift. Some agreed with me, while others defended him. The defenders accused me of creating drama, as if covering a national tragedy like a ballgame wasn’t drama itself. One person said I was engaging in a “form of adult bullying.” Another told me I needed to “get laid.”

As my 9 year old likes to say: “Whatever.”

Facebook is a place where everyone loves to express their outrage and pride with memes and sayings that are not fact-checked. That’s drama, too.

If I smell something that stinks, I’m going to say something about it. As a writer, that’s what I do. If it offends you, unfriend me or unsubscribe from my posts.

Better yet, do something about the drama you create.

kirk yelling at kahn