THE OCD DIARIES, Three Years Later

by Bill Brenner on December 7, 2012

Three years ago today, in a moment of Christmas-induced depression, I started this blog. I meant for it to be a place where I could go and spill out the insanity in my head so I could carry on with life. In short order, it snowballed into much more than that.

Mood music:


About a year into my recovery from serious mental illness and addiction — the most uncool, unglamorous addiction at that — I started thinking about sharing where I’ve been. My reasoning was simple: I’d listened to a lot of people toss around the OCD acronym to describe everything from being a type A personality to just being stressed. I also saw a lot of people who were traveling the road I’d been down and were hiding their true nature from the world for fear of a backlash from it.

At some point, that bullshit became unacceptable to me.

I got sick of hiding. I decided that the only way to beat my demons was to push them out into the light, so everyone could see how ugly they were and how badly they smelled. That would make them weaker and me stronger. So I started this blog as a stigma-busting exercise.

Then a lot of you started writing to me about your own struggles and asking questions about how I deal with specific challenges life hurls at me. The readership has steadily increased.

Truth be told, life with THE OCD DIARIES isn’t always pleasant. There are many mornings when I’d rather be doing other things, but the blog calls to me. A new thought pops into my head and has to come out. I’ve lost friends over things I’ve written. When you write all your feelings down without a filter, you’re inevitably going to make someone angry. But I’ve made many, many friends through this endeavor as well.

Earlier this year, I seriously considered killing the blog because of the strain it had put on some relationships. A lot of you told me to keep it going and I have. But Erin signed on to help, and together we made big changes.

We redesigned the blog and moved it from to its own domain. I expanded the subject matter beyond OCD and addiction to include commentary on current events as they relate to our mental state.

We built a Facebook page and broadened the discussion there. If you haven’t been there yet, please go and like it.

We started using Spotify and Soundcloud for the mood music I put atop most posts. We had our kick-ass designer, Andy Robinson, change up the banner to reflect the broadening subject matter. And we’ve built a resources section that continues to expand.

The biggest change for the blog this past year — making it into a partnership with my wife — has meant the world to me. I love that this is something we do together.

We’re starting to plan for 2013, and I’m pretty stoked about what’s on tap.

Thanks for reading.

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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Nicole December 7, 2012 at 10:36 am

I’ve only found this blog recently, but I’m so thankful for it! I’ve been reading your new posts as they go up, and going through older posts, as well.

Thanks to this blog, I don’t feel nearly so alone.

Skully Johnson December 10, 2012 at 6:07 am

Omigod I just came to the realization, and the acceptance that yes, I am OCD as well as ADD. And I am listening to the Ramones… just like how you are talking about in your entry. Haha!

Uhm anyway, but I admire your dedication to battling your OCD, and I can relate to your frustration with having to deal with it, as well. I have always known inside that I have OCD, but honestly did not even realize that there is a name for it or other people that have it. I always thought I was crazy. People have said messed up crap to me like, “You obviously partied too much in high school,” or whatever else kinda junk people come up with.

But oh wait–that’s right.. I never even drank or exposed myself to drugs whatsoever during my entire high school career–because of maybe, just maybe I was too OCD to worry about peer pressure. I was too busy counting how many times I washed my hands, and worrying about the next time I was going to wash my damn hands.. or counting the amount of steps that I took to worry about going to any fucking parties. Especially considering that god forbid when I LOST COUNT of my damn COUNTING, because of ADD, that I was afraid that I was a loser and a failure. So that’s right, screw all those people who call you a freak, right? People think they got it bad, get insecure, and like to belittle those around them.

Knowledge is power. Keep it up. I know I’m doing my best to get on with my life. Don’t feel discouraged. And if you do, you have a friend listening to the Ramones just as willing to listen to you 🙂

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