February 2011

Some Days, I Don’t Have My Shit Together

by Bill Brenner February 10, 2011 Children's issues

A lot of people read this blog because I always try to put a silver lining on tough stuff. But some days I fail to live up to the image. Yesterday was one of those days, when I let a 7-year-old get the better of me. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mX8n5IiSB-8&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] You see, Duncan is like me in that too much winter messes with his mental balance. He’ll get goofy, sad and every emotion in between at…  [Read More]

1984 (And Other Bad Years)

by Bill Brenner February 9, 2011 Depression

Editor’s note: An acquaintance  on Facebook mentioned how August is always a shitty month for her because of something that happened in that month a few years ago. I get that way about August, too, though time has healed wounds. For me, though, I’ve had to get over judging my life by certain years rather than certain months. This post, written in early 2011, is about that.  I’m thinking of all the shitty things that…  [Read More]

The New Slavery

by Bill Brenner February 8, 2011 Addiction

I reigned in my addictions to food and alcohol. I brought the compulsive spending down to a dull roar. But the Android. The Laptop. Technology is a new addiction and I’m a slave. In some respects, it’s strange that this is now my lot in life. For most of my adulthood, I was never an early adopter of the latest gadgetry. I didn’t own an iPod until late 2008, and it’s one of the older…  [Read More]

I Surrendered, But I’ll Never Quit

by Bill Brenner February 7, 2011 Uncategorized

Last night I spent some time in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, diving intently into Step 3 of the 12 Steps of recovery. This is the part where you come face-to-face with the reality that without your Higher Power, there’s no hope. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7kx5Y42Hqo&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] To quote the step: “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” That’s a hard one for some addicts…  [Read More]

Good Day

by Bill Brenner February 5, 2011 Family

It’s a good day when the two boys and their 2-year-old niece pull me out of bed at 6:30 a.m. Some would say that’s early, but for me that’s sleeping in. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_VfhKfCpDI&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] It’s a good day when I can spend the morning doing house work and grocery shopping without feeling bitter or cheated about the lack of laziness. It’s a good day when one of your best friends comes over with his kids…  [Read More]

My Current State of Mind

by Bill Brenner February 5, 2011 Uncategorized

Written around 9 p.m. Friday… One of my OCD ticks is a constant need for mental inventory. I’ll think back through the entire day recounting everything I’ve done. I’ll repeat the process about six times. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3olG84TVtvA&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] I’ll review what I’ve eaten, how many articles or blog posts I’ve written, how many cups of coffee I’ve had, which house-hold chores I got done, etc. It’s a painful process that makes my head ache and leaves…  [Read More]

So You Don’t Like Your Job…

by Bill Brenner February 4, 2011 Job discrimination

Wherein the author suggests people stop complaining about their jobs and be the change. Tons of Facebook people complain about their jobs. It makes me feel a little guilty because I love my job. OK, it doesn’t, really. But I’ve been in that place before and learned the problem was more me than the job. Mood music: [spotify:track:7E8QnPXVk1Sw9Gi06ENZ0i] There are days where I find it a bit unreal that I have the job I’m in…  [Read More]

Stuff My Kids (and Niece) Say, Part 4

by Bill Brenner February 3, 2011 Children's issues

Parenthood is painful at times, especially when one or both parents has had a mental illness that makes the smallest things seem like calamities. Addictive behavior isn’t good for parenting because it makes you selfish. A selfish parent is a disaster. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RZXaoaK8NI&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] I’m constantly worried about the kids inheriting my genetic disposition toward mental disorder. But Duncan helps me out, as does Sean, and, increasingly, their cousin Madison. In between the various meltdowns, the three children…  [Read More]

Oddly Enough, This Day Will Not Suck

by Bill Brenner February 2, 2011 Mental health

I’m snowed in again and both kids are home. By 6:20 a.m. they were already fighting over the family laptop. I’m dead tired. But despite it all, I’m thinking this day will NOT suck. Here’s why. –The first reason is that I started the day by listening to one of my favorite Boston bands, The Neighborhoods, covering one of my favorite Cheap Trick songs: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3QHFAPcYTM&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] –The second reason is that I got a particularly damn…  [Read More]

Snow in The Wound

by Bill Brenner February 1, 2011 Coping tools

There’s something about living through one or two big snowstorms a week that puts your anti-depressant medication to the test. Let’s see how I’m doing on this one… Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foSkPjvuRv0&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] Like many of my fellow New Englanders, I’m getting pretty tired of all this winter weather. There’s nowhere to put the stuff anymore, and there’s the constant worry of one of these storms fucking up my travel plans. I got a wave of depression…  [Read More]

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