Bill Brenner

It Hurt Badly. Therefore, It Was Good

by Bill Brenner January 9, 2011 Depression

My cherished pal Penny Morang Richards made this comment to my “Death of a Sibling” post Friday: “It has to hurt. That’s how you know it was good.” Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPmtiLeMMow&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999] She said it in response to my concluding thoughts: I’ve learned that life is a gift to be cherished and used wisely. I’ve also learned that it hurts sometimes. That’s OK. She knows exactly what she’s talking about. Go read the past year of entries in her…  [Read More]

The Label on My Back is No Excuse

by Bill Brenner January 9, 2011 Communication Skills

I was talking to a priest the other night about therapy and getting diagnosed with a mental disorder when he frowned. “Everyone struggles with something,” he said. “It’s not good to slap a label on them and make them be defined by it.” Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks8xhbNQw4g&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999] He’s not the first priest to react this way. Back in the fall I was going over a talk I was to give at an upcoming Cursillo retreat. I…  [Read More]

Ballad of Joe Zippo, Part 2

by Bill Brenner January 8, 2011 Music therapy

This is the second post on my old friend Joe “Zippo” Kelley, who died last summer. Specifically, this is about the lives he made better just by being who he was. A benefit show in his honor is next week. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QkDNjMLgrFk&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999] As I said before, my friendship with Joe played out when we were both attending Salem State College (it’s a university, now). He was a friend I would smoke cigarettes with outside the…  [Read More]

Death of a Sibling

by Bill Brenner January 7, 2011 Children's issues

Twenty-seven years ago today, my brother, Michael S. Brenner, died of an asthma attack at age 17. I can’t blame his death on the demons I’d battle in the years that followed. But it left deep scars all the same. Mood music: I think the end came for him at 8:20 p.m., though I could be mistaken. That day a trend began where I would befriend people a few years older than me. A couple…  [Read More]

5 Signs I am Still an OCD Case

by Bill Brenner January 6, 2011 Mental disorders

I write all the time about my recovery, but I sometimes neglect to mention that many of my OCD quirks continue, even though I’m not paralyzed and anxious like I used to be. I don’t need an OCD screening quiz to know what I’m up against. Here are five signs that the condition is always there below the surface: Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hX6QGHI6MrA&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999] –1. The other day, after putting away a new pair of boots and…  [Read More]

Am I Too Hard on Myself?

by Bill Brenner January 5, 2011 Addiction

A friend asked that question yesterday. I’ve certainly been accused of being too hard on myself before. My step-mother reads this blog and told me I should give myself a break. Steve Lambert, former editor of The Eagle-Tribune, said I was too hard on myself when I wrote the “One of My Biggest Regrets” post. Mood music: [spotify:track:0OXjHxbrmrkpvqudvzWlDR] The short answer is that sometimes I am, most of the time I’m not. When I was…  [Read More]

It’s a Disease, Not a Choice: Part 2

by Bill Brenner January 4, 2011 Addiction

The Sunday night step study meeting I wrote about yesterday gave me more to think about than I could cram into one post. Another thing that stuck with me is how society continues to mistake addiction for choice. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cECTX3mPu1o&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] I’ve tackled this subject many times in this blog. In the first “It’s a Disease, Not a Choice” post a few months back, I noted that the addicted brain works differently. My problem was binge…  [Read More]

The Hole in Your Soul

by Bill Brenner January 3, 2011 Addiction

A lot of changes to my program of sobriety and abstinence are under way, and I feel like I’m running on nuclear power. Last night was my first Big Book Step Study meeting, which is quite different from the speaker-discussion meetings I’m used to. It only took me a few seconds to realize why I had to be there. Mood music: A lot of times when someone sobers up or stops binge eating, it’s a…  [Read More]

Midwest Center for Fraud & Bullshit

by Bill Brenner January 2, 2011 Addiction

Cleaning out the trunk of my car yesterday, I came across a stack of cassette tapes from a period in my life when I was so desperate I’d spend stupid sums of money on anything to remove my fear and anxiety. These tapes were part of a program that cost me some $450. Each tape, sold by the Midwest Center for Stress & Anxiety, is designed to help people learn the skills to defeat anxiety and…  [Read More]

Loud Love

by Bill Brenner January 1, 2011 Family

Last night I freaked out my 2-year-old niece with one of my loud laughs. I felt awful for scaring her, but Erin’s explanation of my voice volume immediately made me feel better. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jr0Boagp4Xo&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] “Uncle Bill has a big laugh because he has a big love,” she told Madison. Since I used to walk around with a big hate, the description makes me feel like I’ve made some progress. Of course, I’ve always had…  [Read More]

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