Bill Brenner

43 Years Through The Minefield

by Bill Brenner October 3, 2010 Coping tools

Today is my sister Wendi’s 43rd birthday. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate the day than to explain what she’s been through and how far she has come. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MceneYWgPc4&fs=1&hl=en_US] A Sister’s Battle with Depression This blog is chock full of my own experiences with depression and addiction. I even hint here and there about how the addictive behavior runs in the family. But I’ve avoided the story of depression among siblings until now….  [Read More]

The Saturday Morning Ritual, Part 2

by Bill Brenner October 2, 2010 Uncategorized

Saturday morning ritual, as Sean calls it, is when the kids hang out with Dad stupid early while Mom sleeps. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubZjbmA1Id0&fs=1&hl=en_US] We used to watch Sesame Street. Now me, Sean and Duncan are staring at our individual computer screens. The sounds of video games waft through the living room. I used to spend this time dreading all the things I had to do that didn’t include lying on the couch and shutting off…  [Read More]

Why This Day Will Kick Ass

by Bill Brenner October 1, 2010 Gratitude

People get all happy when Friday arrives. I’m more indifferent about it. It’s the day of the week where I’m too fried to get much done. But today’s going to be good. Here’s why: Mood Music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jiLIJlVa3J0&fs=1&hl=en_US] –I’ve been sitting next to the happy lamp for one hour and haven’t broken into flop sweats yet. –I finally woke up realizing what I need to do to get the mood swings under control. More on that…  [Read More]

Say Hello to My New Limit

by Bill Brenner September 30, 2010 Coping tools

Another mood swing this afternoon. The dark, brooding sky appears to be rubbing off on me. The happy lamp helps, but if I sit in front of it too long I get the sweats. And it’s not the same as sunshine. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMWhk4u2c4g&fs=1&hl=en_US] I’ve been having a lot of these episodes lately, and it worries me. It’s most likely the result of my sleep pattern being out of whack. I alternate between too much…  [Read More]

Debunking the Shrink Stigma

by Bill Brenner September 30, 2010 Depression

A friend was telling me yesterday that he can relate to this blog. In a whisper, he said, “I see a therapist.” When people tell me that, it’s usually in the same hushed tone. Clearly, we have another stigma to shred. I’m not sure why people are so hush-hush about this sort of thing. Maybe it’s because I outed myself so long ago. But I just don’t think people should be embarrassed about seeing a…  [Read More]

The Devil’s Music

by Bill Brenner September 29, 2010 Faith

Some readers suggest my Faith and love of heavy metal music are an odd combination. Some of the rock crowd think my religious beliefs are at odds with the spirit of metal culture. Some of my church friends think metal is the devil’s music. You’re both wrong. Mood music: You’ve heard my story. Faith has been central to my recovery from OCD and addiction. Metal was there for me as a confused, tormented kid, wringing…  [Read More]

The Amityville Obsession

by Bill Brenner September 28, 2010 Children's issues

Part of my obsessive-compulsive behavior includes a study of the more morbid pieces of history. The Manson murders is one example. The Amityville murders is another. Lately, I’ve been obsessed with the latter. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72rWAe0pUdQ&fs=1&hl=en_US] The match for the fire is a book I just read called “The Night The DeFeos Died” by Ric Osuna. The book goes a long way in crushing the bullshit hoax about the house being haunted. I watched “The…  [Read More]

Writer’s Block IS the Devil

by Bill Brenner September 28, 2010 Adventures in writing

It’s been a very long time since this has happened. And I don’t like it one bit. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OK1HRqP-fg&fs=1&hl=en_US] I have writer’s block. I want to write a new post here (I am, actually) and I have a CSO column to write later. I figured I’d get up at 4 a.m. and burn some keyboard rubber like I usually do. But the words didn’t flow like they’re supposed to. When you are a professional…  [Read More]

Two Years Clean

by Bill Brenner September 27, 2010 Addiction

Two years ago yesterday, I went on my last binge. Actually, it was more like reaching the end of a final, two-month long binge. The abstinent and sober life hasn’t been perfect by any stretch. But it beats the hell out of where I was at the start. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pdQ3z1Ji8U&fs=1&hl=en_US] Appropriately, I’m leading an OA meeting tonight, which means telling my story in 15-20 minutes without notes. Here’s some of what I’ll have to…  [Read More]

A Pastor Moves On

by Bill Brenner September 26, 2010 Addiction

Dennis Nason, pastor of All Saints Parish, steps down Oct. 1. He’s struggling with cancer and decided to step aside so the parish can move on. He’s earned a tribute here. He made a believer out of me by coming clean about his own sins. We have it in our heads that priests are supposed to be perfect and sinless. That’s why the sex scandal hit people so hard. We were taught to trust priests…  [Read More]

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