Bill Brenner

The Happy Lamp

by Bill Brenner September 26, 2010 Coping tools

With the days getting shorter, I’m on the lookout for Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), something that hits me like a bat to the head each winter. I’ve written extensively about the medicinal therapy for this, but now I have a new weapon. Meet my new friend, the Happy Lamp: Erin bought two of these, one for me and one for Duncan, who also gets a bit crazy when the daylight recedes. To be honest, me…  [Read More]

Never Forgotten

by Bill Brenner September 25, 2010 Depression

That post about Zane resonated with a lot of people. It’s comforting to know he hasn’t been forgotten. Being forgotten. It’s everyone’s fear. I often worry that people who end their own lives will end up that way. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE7rkSELM3I&fs=1&hl=en_US] Though I’ve had many an episode with depression, I’ve never once considered suicide. That makes me no better than those who have. In my case, Faith has always prevented that line of thinking. Suicide…  [Read More]

Welcome to the Outcast Club

by Bill Brenner September 24, 2010 Communication Skills

An old friend is reminding me of the outcast I used to be and how like-minded people tend to stick together — even when they shouldn’t. I was actually quite a prick to Stevie Hemeon. I used to punch him in the Theodore Roosevelt School yard because he was one of the few kids I was strong enough to hit. He never deserved it. Yet he still hung with me, kind of how high school…  [Read More]

Zane from the Point of Pines, Revere

by Bill Brenner September 23, 2010 Depression

I keep thinking of a kid from the Point of Pines who isn’t with us anymore. I’m not sure why this ghost is in my head, because we weren’t exactly friends. Mood music: [spotify:track:1GnCH2KszUkpUjXuDP2G3N] The kid’s name was Zane. I believe the last name was Mead, though I’m not sure if there’s an E at the end. He was what you would picture as a classic stoner kid. I think he was on something every…  [Read More]

‘Mental Illness’ Must Die

by Bill Brenner September 22, 2010 Mental disorders

I’ve used the term mental illness in this blog a lot. Doing so has made perfect sense, since Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a form of mental illness that has sparked plenty of depressive episodes in my life. But I’m thinking it’s time to stop packaging my struggle this way. In fact, from here on out, I’m using the word “struggle” where I would normally use “mental illness.” I’m starting to realize a couple things: One…  [Read More]

Happily Ever After Is Bullshit & That’s OK

by Bill Brenner September 21, 2010 Addiction

Often, when depression slaps me upside the head, it’s on the heels of a prolonged period of good feelings and positive energy. Especially this time of year, when the daylight recedes early and returns late. These setbacks can be discouraging, but you can survive them with the right perspective. Mood music: It’s easy for people who fight mental illness and addictive behavior to go on an endless, futile search for the happily ever after, where…  [Read More]

The Positive Man’s Mask

by Bill Brenner September 20, 2010 Depression

My boss and good friend John Gallant once told me I’m one of the most positive people he knows. I was keeping a sunny disposition despite the Internet being down or something like that. I’m definitely a sunnier person than I used to be. To be truthful, though, sometimes it’s just an act. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukHqzqZOe7g&fs=1&hl=en_US] What brings me to that line of thinking is the crime wave of depression that hit me this weekend….  [Read More]

Old Friends

by Bill Brenner September 19, 2010 Gratitude

Just when I thought I was done writing about the Point of Pines, Revere, another old friend re-enters the picture. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMhhsafywkk&fs=1&hl=en_US] He tried to call me the other night and left this message: “Mr. Brenner, I just want to say sorry for being such a punk when we were kids, and for taking so long to call you.” And there it was. For the first time in more than 20 years, a message…  [Read More]

Mental Hangover

by Bill Brenner September 17, 2010 Depression

This morning I wrote about the one-two punch I got yesterday from the good and evil sides of OCD. Right now I’m experiencing a hangover as a result. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Iho1V–8G4&fs=1&hl=en_US] This hangover has nothing to do with binging or drinking. I did neither, though I did think seriously about it. I lingered in the wine section of the grocery store for a few minutes, wondering if I should buy a couple of those little…  [Read More]

The OCD Curse Meets the OCD Blessing

by Bill Brenner September 17, 2010 Gratitude

Something interesting happened yesterday. The OCD was running hot all afternoon and kicking my ass. Then, when I wasn’t expecting it, it gave me a second wind that worked out for everyone. Mood music: [spotify:track:4AAwBktkUB8LXGy5xNW3Rc] I was running around trying to get things done before going to a National Information Security Group (NAISG) meeting and the kids were in their usual state of after-school chaos. Duncan was sitting over his homework, not really getting anything…  [Read More]

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