Bill Brenner

Hung Over and Junk Sick

by Bill Brenner July 26, 2010 Addiction

When you have a binge-eating addiction, the feeling you get before, during and after is a lot like being drunk and stoned. “What’s my drug of choice? Well, what have you got?” Layne Staley, Alice in Chains Junkies have a feeling they get before binging: Their brain is stuck on having whatever  gets them off. Alcohol. Heroin. Blow. For me, it used to be food. I’m free of the aftermath, but the demon still taunts…  [Read More]

Learning to Fight Well

by Bill Brenner July 25, 2010 Communication Skills

In every marriage there are arguments. They can be good for you, but only if you learn to do it with skill. I’m working on it, but I’m not there yet. Mood music for this post: “Hysteria” by Def Leppard: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SluRyO4EA4&hl=en_US&fs=1] I’ve always steered clear of this topic because nobody likes to talk about arguments with a husband or wife. But there’s a lesson to be learned, so in I go. And since I’m one…  [Read More]

Get Up and Live: A Playlist

by Bill Brenner July 24, 2010 Coping tools

Treat this post as a media player. The playlist is made up of songs that to me are about seizing life by the throat. Enjoy. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJDDxHIaaVk&hl=en_US&fs=1] [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFG820EwvUQ&hl=en_US&fs=1] [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dn8vzTsnPps&hl=en_US&fs=1] [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVXIK1xCRpY&hl=en_US&fs=1] [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdTiZB0wjs0&hl=en_US&fs=1] [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WkJ-ZB–G0&hl=en_US&fs=1] [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7eRiAnZt24&hl=en_US&fs=1] [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6_C4rV7x-Y&hl=en_US&fs=1] [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhfRUYUkq_0&hl=en_US&fs=1] [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y2dI_a3GpS0&hl=en_US&fs=1]

The Pedophile

by Bill Brenner July 23, 2010 Addiction

Some people deserve to spend life in a box. But even they have a shot at redemption. As a dad, I have zero tolerance for anyone who hurts a child. So when I discovered someone I’ve known for many years spent a decade behind bars for pedophilia, It was like a knife in the gut. Further complicating matters is that as a recovering addict, I can’t help but feel bad for this guy. But only…  [Read More]

What’s Crohn’s Disease Got to do With it?

by Bill Brenner July 21, 2010 Crohn's Disease

I’ve gotten notes lately from folks who’ve read enough of this blog to know I have Crohn’s Disease. They have it, too, and seemed to appreciate that they’re not alone. Some ask what the disease has to do with the mental illness and addictions at the heart of this blog. And so I’ve made this compilation of posts where the Crohn’s is a major factor: The Lasting Impact of Crohn’s Disease: The author has lived…  [Read More]

The Kid Sister

by Bill Brenner July 21, 2010 Family

The 80s weren’t all bad, thanks to the kid sister who came along. Mood music: “Nobody Told Me” by John Lennon. I used to sing the “Everybody’s smoking, and no one’s getting high” line to my kid sister, much to her dismay. [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBCdlBrgEmE&hl=en_US&fs=1] I’ve written about a lot of the darker parts of my childhood and teen years and how they factored into an adulthood of mental illness and addiction. But those years were brightened…  [Read More]

Lessons of a Thirty-something

by Bill Brenner July 20, 2010 Addiction

The author is reflecting a lot on things that happened in his 30s. Mood music: “Lunchbox” by Marylin Manson: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5Fo57AXW3w&hl=en_US&fs=1] Since my 40th birthday is next month, I’m thinking a lot about the last decade. In many ways, I’m not the same guy I was when I was staring at my 30th birthday. This has been a decade of healing, with a lot of broken scabs along the way. At the start of my 30s,…  [Read More]

When Parents Fail

by Bill Brenner July 19, 2010 Children's issues

Sometimes, a child’s worst enemy is his/her parents. Mood music: “Institutionalized” by Suicidal Tendencies (The Pepsi Song): [spotify:track:1KpRBS8dbDw7LxMhuK7Bso] If I’ve learned anything on my long journey to recovery, it’s that addicts can almost always trace their behavior back to their parents. That’s certainly the case for me. My mother was always pushing food on me. She did it out of love and meant no harm, but that and the Crohn’s Disease battle certainly tilted my…  [Read More]

The Perils of Service, Part 2

by Bill Brenner July 18, 2010 Addiction

Volunteering can be a bitch, especially when you forget who you’re there to help. Mood music for this post: “My Way” by Limp Bizkit: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQ8Qi86i82s&hl=en_US&fs=1] Once a month, I spend a couple hours on a Saturday volunteering in the food pantry run by our church. It can be a frustrating endeavor. Part of the frustration is my own fault. I should be there more often, but I’m only there once a month because I’m spread…  [Read More]

Anatomy of a Binge

by Bill Brenner July 17, 2010 Addiction

If you do these things, you might have a binge eating problem. Mood Music:  6 a.m.: Wake up, pour coffee. Resolve to live on nothing but coffee and cigarettes for the day. 8 a.m.: Fuck it. You’re hungry. Eat something healthy for breakfast. A bagel and cream cheese will do. Serving size, one 12-ounce container of cream cheese. Add swiss cheese. 8:15 a.m.: Smoke another cigarette and decide that’s all the food you’re going to…  [Read More]

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