Addiction

You CAN Revisit Your Past (A Trip to Revere)

by Bill Brenner July 15, 2011 Addiction

Erin had an audio conference to record Thursday morning, so to ensure a quiet house, I put the kids in the car and went to Revere Beach, the scene of my tumultuous, painful, angry yet beautiful upbringing. I’ve written a lot about Revere in this blog. How could I avoid it? But I’ve been short on photos to show you. I fixed that problem with this latest journey back in time. Sean and Duncan had…  [Read More]

Boredom: An OCD Case’s Worst Friend

by Bill Brenner July 13, 2011 Addiction

Last year I wrote about how boredom is one of the most dangerous things an addict can encounter. It’s equally true for someone with OCD. Mood music: The mood music today is especially fitting for the topic. Like the addict who is bored, the OCD case who is bored gets an itch and restlessness that causes you to search and destroy. I’m a street walking cheetahwith a heart full of napalmI’m a runaway son of…  [Read More]

A Happy Memory From A Difficult Time

by Bill Brenner July 12, 2011 Addiction

It’s sometime in October 2008. I’ve just given given up flour and sugar to get control over a binge-eating addiction. Mood music: I’m irritable and sick, going through all the aches and pains that surface when toxins start to drip from the pores. I’m coming up the stairs from work, anxious to get all the chores that await me over with. I open the door to find Duncan sitting in his chair at the kitchen…  [Read More]

R.I.P. Betty Ford

by Bill Brenner July 9, 2011 Addiction

Former first lady Betty Ford has died at age 93. I wanted to honor her here, because her honesty and bravery about her own battles with substance abuse went far in smashing the stigma attached to addiction. ABC News said it best in its obituary: She lived in the White House in an era during which she was expected to simply serve tea and host luncheons but instead, she fought for women’s rights and spoke openly about…  [Read More]

Not What God Wants Me To Be, But Not The Person I was

by Bill Brenner July 6, 2011 Addiction

The title of this post is a popular saying among those who use the 12 Steps to bring their addictive behavior to heel. It’s a good line to keep in mind when you’re ready to lose patience with yourself and slip into self-loathing. Mood music: http://youtu.be/jYpydtdlWxA There’s a lot about myself that still has to change. I still get angry too easily. I still get self absorbed. I still give in to OCD thinking and…  [Read More]

Social Anxiety, Alcohol And Whatever Else Numbed Me

by Bill Brenner July 5, 2011 Addiction

Addicts often become the way they are because they suffer from severe social anxiety. To carry on in a large group setting is as painful as having a leg sawed off while wide awake. I know the feeling very well.   Item: It’s December 2001 and I’m at the home of the big boss for the annual Christmas party. I skipped out on this celebration a year earlier because talking to co-workers about anything other…  [Read More]

Fear and Self-Loathing in San Francisco

by Bill Brenner June 21, 2011 Addiction

Just got to my hotel in Santa, Clara, Calif., with a few random memories shifting around in my head — memories that illustrate who I was and who I am now. Mood music: It was July 1991 and I was with Sean Marley on my first trip to the west coast. I didn’t really want to go because I was afraid of everything and everyone. But Sean was red h0t about the idea, and back…  [Read More]

The Problem With ‘One Day At A Time’

by Bill Brenner June 20, 2011 Addiction

“One day at a time? You wouldn’t believe the crap that swirls around my head one day at a time.” –Anonymous Recovering addicts have a saying burned into their brains: “One Day at a Time.” It’s important wisdom to live by. But when the recovering addict has OCD, there’s a big problem. Mood music: Let’s look at the meaning of “One Day at a Time.” In the world of 12-step recovery programs, the idea is…  [Read More]

Fear and Resentment. Resentment and Fear

by Bill Brenner June 20, 2011 Addiction

For mental defects like me, a lot of what goes wrong is driven by fear. One thing I’ve learned in a 12-Step program for addiction is that the root of many fears is resentment. Mood music: You don’t have to be an addict to have resentments, of course. Most typical families, work environments and fellowships come packed with people you’re inevitably going to clash with. The more you disagree with someone, the more you’ll resent…  [Read More]

Sugar and OCD: An Interview with Bill Brenner

by Bill Brenner June 17, 2011 Addiction

Author David Vanadia recently interviewed me for a segment in his blog about sugar addiction and OCD. Check it out HERE.

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