Depression

What’s The Worst That Can Happen?

by Bill Brenner August 31, 2011 Depression

A friend keeps telling me about big fears he has of not getting the mortgage paid and being homeless. There’s no danger of that happening. But OCD and reality rarely see eye to eye. Mood music: He wrote: My Biggest Fear is that we will lose our house because we will get too far behind in our mortgage and we will end up homeless.  I even wrote a script that details how it all happens…  [Read More]

I Miss The Beer Bottle Collection Under The Patio

by Bill Brenner August 31, 2011 Coping tools

In my opinion there’s no better way to release anger and frustration than prayer. But let’s be honest: Sometimes it helps to break things. Mood music:  When I lived in the house on Revere Beach, there was a storage room beneath the concrete patio where I collected all the empty beer bottles from the numerous parties we had in the basement apartment. I spent a lot of time in that room. I’d blast my old…  [Read More]

This Is No Place To Make Amends

by Bill Brenner August 29, 2011 Adventures in writing

After running the post “Bully’s Remorse” a few days ago, it occurred to me that maybe, just maybe, writing it was a mistake. Or maybe it simply didn’t go far enough. Mood music: [spotify:track:5rpRzNcJZqKQXk9PIjreB6] Like many topics in this blog, I wrote it to yank another skeleton out of the closet and acknowledge that as a teenager, while I was getting bullied and should have related to others who were bullied, I just turned around…  [Read More]

41 Years

by Bill Brenner August 26, 2011 Addiction

Some people get depressed on their birthday. Not me. The fact that I turn 41 today is a freak of nature. But a year into my forties, I know I have more cleaning up to do. Mood music: Item: When I was sick with the Crohn’s Disease as a kid, I lost a lot of blood and developed several side ailments. I’m told by my parents that the doctor’s were going to remove the colon more than…  [Read More]

A Call From My Mother

by Bill Brenner August 25, 2011 Children's issues

It’s Wednesday morning. I’m working from home, face behind the computer. My kids and two neighborhood kids are tearing though the house, overturning everything in sight. Then the phone rings. Mood music: “It’s been five years,” the voice on the other end says. “Can’t we fix this?” It’s my mother. I saw her at my cousin’s wedding two weeks ago but we largely avoided contact. We’re six years into an estrangement that I think is…  [Read More]

You Can’t Be Everyone’s Friend

by Bill Brenner August 24, 2011 Adventures in writing

I once wrote about an obsession with the Facebook friend count. I worried about offending people who de-friended me. Lately I realize it’s ok if I can’t be everyone’s friend. I’m even warming to the idea. Mood music: I’ve always had this stupid idea that I needed to be everyone’s friend. Even when I was bullying someone, I’d turn around and try to be their friend. I always wanted everyone in my family to like…  [Read More]

Cold Turkey Has Got Me On The Run

by Bill Brenner August 22, 2011 Addiction

More than a week after I quit smoking cold turkey, I’m pissed off. It pisses me off that other people can enjoy a drink or two, the occasional cigar or feast without letting it take over everything else in their lives. Mood music from the debut EP of Pull Trouble From The Fire: [soundcloud url=”http://soundcloud.com/pulltroublefromthefire/06-dead-wait”] It pisses me off that I have to learn to behave and pretend I don’t wish I had some of…  [Read More]

I Pet My Peeves Until They Become Triggers

by Bill Brenner August 21, 2011 Addiction

I really hate all those pre-written, self-righteous Facebook posts. I told Erin I was going to write a post flaming all those stupid sayings. Mood music: “Tell me what that has to do with OCD?” she asked, giving me that stare she gives me when she’s certain that I’m full of shit. “It’s a trigger,” I said, not really meaning it. “It’s not a trigger. It’s a peeve. You going to go pet it now?”…  [Read More]

I Need A Lot Of Gum. And Maybe A Gun

by Bill Brenner August 19, 2011 Addiction

It’s been one week since I have smoked a cigarette or a cigar. The itch is gone but the crankiness is not. Mood music: I’m finding some relief in gum. But now I’m starting to think crazy thoughts about it. Behold: I find myself wondering if there are websites that sell exotic types of gum. I’m sure there are, though I haven’t looked yet. Beer-flavored gum? Cigar-flavored gum? Rum-flavored gum? The crazy thinking goes something…  [Read More]

No Faith, No Recovery. Period

by Bill Brenner August 18, 2011 Addiction

Some of my readers don’t like to talk about religion. It’s something where most of us simply can’t find common ground. But I often write about my Faith anyway, because it’s essential to my recovery. If some find it uncool, so be it. Third in a series about the 12 Steps of Recovery and how they apply to me. Step 2 – Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. This is where…  [Read More]

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