Depression

The Rewards and Risk of Service: A Cautionary Tale

by Bill Brenner April 29, 2010 Addiction

Service is a major tool of recovery. But it can also be dangerous. Mood music for this post: “Serve the Servants” by Nirvana: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jtB6gEmr6ZY&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Last night was one of service. I drove down to Salem State College to talk to graduating seniors about their portfolios and resumes. It was the least I could do, after all that college did for my career. It was energizing to talk to the students, who are full of hope…  [Read More]

This is Your Brain on Restlessness

by Bill Brenner April 27, 2010 Addiction

The author has hit a wall with his recovery. But it’s not what you think. Mood music for this post: “Don’t Cry” by Guns N Roses: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zRIbf6JqkNc&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I’ve moved past yesterday’s tiredness to a state of restlessness. By brain is at war with itself. One side wants to buckle down and tackle the editing and administrative tasks on the table. The other side wants to write a few more articles first. I have leftover material…  [Read More]

Skeptic Slang and Charles Manson: Six Degrees of Separation

by Bill Brenner April 17, 2010 Communication Skills

Skeptic Slang and a glimpse at mental illness in the making. Mood music for this post: “My Monkey” by Marylin Manson: A note about the music: Marilyn Manson put this on his “Portrait of an American Family” album, which was recorded in the Sharon Tate murder house. The title and chorus were taken from a Charles Manson song called “Mechanical Man.” Bits of Manson interviews are sprinkled throughout. It just seemed appropriate for some reason……  [Read More]

Meet My Demon

by Bill Brenner April 13, 2010 Addiction

Why the author treats his demon like an imaginary friend, and how it helps. It won’t give up It wants me dead God damn that noise inside my head From today’s mood music, “The Becoming,” by Trent Reznor, Nine Inch Nails: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDfyR22u_gI&hl=en_US&fs=1&] At last night’s OA meeting, I saw quite a few people with heavy weights pressing on their minds. I won’t share details, because these meetings are all about anonymity. But it got me…  [Read More]

The OCD Diaries 4-2-10: Long-haired Freaks

by Bill Brenner April 2, 2010 Depression

Mood music for this post: “Hurt,” by Johnny Cash (cover of the Nine Inch Nails song): [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o22eIJDtKho&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Going through an old stack of books this afternoon, I found this photo: I’m on the left holding the bass. On the right is Sean Marley. I told you about him in the post “Marley and Me.” The photo is one of those stupid mock rock magazine covers, shot in the summer of 1989 at a carnival on…  [Read More]

The Flood

by Bill Brenner March 30, 2010 Depression

The author on how the deluge Massachusetts is experiencing is as brutal on the mind as it is on basements. Mood music for this post: “Rain When I Die” by Alice in Chains: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HMm0bpbOOkU&hl=en_US&fs=1&] This isn’t a new topic for me, since I’ve mentioned it many times. But New England is currently getting pounded by another deluge, so it’s worth repeating. This weather is brutal for people who suffer from depression. The dark-gray sky leaves…  [Read More]

An OCD Diaries Primer

by Bill Brenner March 20, 2010 Addiction

A collection of posts that form the back story of this blog. Mood music: [spotify:track:19n9s9SfnLtwPEODqk8KCT] The Long History of OCD An OCD Christmas. The first entry, where I give an overview of how I got to crazy and found my way to sane. The Bad Pill Kept Me from the Good Pill. How the drug Prednisone brought me to the brink, and how Prozac was part of my salvation. The Crazy-Ass Guy in the Newsroom….  [Read More]

A Suicide

by Bill Brenner March 18, 2010 Coping tools

The author’s message to some people mourning a friend’s suicide. He’s been there, so maybe these words will help. Mood music for this post: “Murder in the City,” by the Avett Brothers: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE7rkSELM3I&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Some acquaintances in the information security community are currently dealing with something I know about all too well — a friend taking their own life. I don’t know these people very well, and I never met the woman they are now grieving…  [Read More]

The Long Road Through Self-Hatred

by Bill Brenner March 13, 2010 Addiction

The author has learned that it’s damn hard to like yourself at the beginning of sobriety and abstinence. The feeling will pass. Eventually. Mood music: A friend and fellow 12-Stepper just hit a major milestone in her recovery: 90 days of abstinence. In the world of compulsive overeating, think of this as 90 days of back-to-back sobriety. She worked hard for this and has every reason to be bursting with joy. Yet she’s uneasy. She…  [Read More]

Waiting for the Sun

by Bill Brenner March 9, 2010 Coping tools

The author on how longer days mean less depression — for him, anyway. Mood music for this post: “Waiting for the Sun,” by The Doors: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A0kypyGSKsE&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I’m starting to feel it. The mental release that comes with longer periods of daylight. Sure, everyone loves the longer days and everything else that marks the coming of spring. But in my case, longer days means a reduction in my Prozac intake. And that’s pretty freakin’ cool. As…  [Read More]

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