Family

Guilt Chestnut Number 5: ‘You Never Call’

by Bill Brenner April 16, 2012 Communication Skills

In a dysfunctional family few are without blame for the things that go wrong. But there’s one criticism I’ve heard time and again that makes me bristle: “You never call.” Mood music: It’s not just that I don’t call the person who says that. It’s that I don’t call a lot of people. I’ve never been a fan of the phone. I always feel awkward on the phone, especially when there are pockets of dead…  [Read More]

Small Victories

by Bill Brenner April 15, 2012 Coping tools

Duncan and I took my father on a little walk around Deer Island yesterday. Dad still struggles from the stroke he had last year, but days like yesterday I admire his fighting spirit. Mood music: I’ve been reluctant to take him on long walks, mainly because I don’t want him taking a nasty spill on my watch. But it was a beautiful spring day and he was eager, so who was I to argue? Deer…  [Read More]

Such A Waste To Lose One’s Mind-Fulness

by Bill Brenner March 14, 2012 Communication Skills

A combination of OCD and ADD has given me a bitch of a handicap: Living in the moment and being present has become tough as nails. Health experts call this elusive thing I search for “mindfulness.” Mood music: Here’s what happens: When the OCD runs hot, I develop tunnel vision. I focus in on the task I’m either doing or thinking about. That’s good if you have a major work project to complete. It’s bad…  [Read More]

I’d Like To Blame My Parents, But…

by Bill Brenner March 13, 2012 Communication Skills

I’ve been frustrated lately over my inability to balance how I express emotions. Forget balance — I suck at emotion, period. Mood music: With my kids I get too emotional at times, showering them with kisses and telling them I love them a lot more than they probably care to hear. Duncan’s refrain is usually, “I know already, Dad!” With my wife I’m not emotional enough. When times get difficult — and even when they’re…  [Read More]

When Difficult Kids Turn Out Alright

by Bill Brenner March 9, 2012 Children's issues

Readers know by now that Erin and I have a big challenge — helping our second child manage ADHD. He’s often difficult. Fair enough. I was a difficult child, too. Duncan is actually tame compared to the 8-year-old me. He’s never filled up my gas tank with a garden hose. He’s never lit his plastic toys on fire, nearly burning down the house in the process. He’s never stolen money from his Dad’s wallet. He doesn’t bring home…  [Read More]

Things Kids Say, February Vacation Edition

by Bill Brenner February 24, 2012 Children's issues

The children and their friends have been giving me an earful this week. Silly little buggers always forget that I take notes. Mood music: “I demand my rights as an American!” Duncan, after being told he can’t watch TV before school (in this case, the Friday before vacation) “Good luck. You’re gonna need it.” Sean, wishing one of Erin’s friends well in an important business venture “Who do you think I am, Rosa Parks?” Sean’s…  [Read More]

In Marriage, Communication Gets Tougher As You Get Older

by Bill Brenner February 16, 2012 Communication Skills

I’ve never been good at the Valentine’s Day thing. Maybe I’m fulfilling the male stereotype, or maybe it’s because I feel more pressure to express myself. I do fine with written words. In person is another thing. When the holiday passed I Iet out a big exhale. Mood music: The fact of the matter is that I have a lot of love in my heart right now. I don’t need a holiday to feel it, though Valentine’s…  [Read More]

Playing Chicken With The Wedding Train

by Bill Brenner February 6, 2012 Communication Skills

It’s a common pain in the ass when a couple is planning their wedding: Someone threatens to boycott the event unless so-and-so is uninvited. Mood music: In the run-up to my wedding in 1998, a close cousin pulled this when he got into a fight with my aunt — his mom. She went to the wedding and he skipped it. I haven’t seen or heard from him since then. Erin and I were paying for…  [Read More]

Celebrating A Lost Sibling

by Bill Brenner January 7, 2012 Family

My brother died Jan. 7, 1984. On this anniversary, I find myself grateful that he was in my life. He left a positive mark on me and left plenty of amusing family stories. Mood music: I’ve already written plenty about the darker side of dealing with his death. You can read about it in “Death of a Sibling” if you’re interested. In this post, I just want to celebrate a few things: 1.) Michael is…  [Read More]

Hey, Mom, Read This

by Bill Brenner January 4, 2012 Depression

I got a call from my mother this morning. She says she’s been reading every post in this blog and that she’s very worried about me. “You have a beautiful wife, two healthy kids and a wonderful job, yet I read your blog and see someone who is very unhappy and disturbed,” she told me. Incredibly, she was worried that I might try to hurt myself someday. Nothing is further from the truth. Which brings…  [Read More]

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