Family

Do I Think About My Disease 24-7?

by Bill Brenner January 4, 2012 Addiction

Someone recently asked if I think about my disease 24-7 and, if so, whether doing so is perilous to those around me. In this case, the disease is OCD and the addictions that go with it. Mood music: Let me try to take a stab at addressing that: I don’t think my disease should define me and keep me in a box. But it’s also a major part of who I am and how I…  [Read More]

Another Brick In The Wall

by Bill Brenner January 3, 2012 Depression

I’ve tried hard to demolish the wall I hide behind when my mind isn’t right. But whenever I think I’ve made progress, shit happens and I find it’s taller and thicker than ever. Mood music: My latest mood swing has me thinking hard about how I allow this to happen. Far as I can tell, I do make progress, but then I take my eye off the wrecking ball and the wall rebuilds itself when I’m…  [Read More]

My Mother Unfriended Me

by Bill Brenner January 1, 2012 Depression

A bump on the path to reconciliation after five years of estrangement from my mother: Angered over posts about my childhood, she has unfriended me from Facebook. Mood music: I wasn’t too surprised. I knew that recalling childhood as I remembered it wouldn’t sit well with her. But I was hoping — really hoping — that she would see the bigger picture I’ve been trying to present: One where I’ve turned out fine despite earlier…  [Read More]

‘No Man Is A Failure Who Has Friends’

by Bill Brenner December 26, 2011 Depression

Part of the holiday tradition around here is a viewing of “It’s A Wonderful Life.” The ending used to make me sad, because it seemed to sum up what was missing in my life. For a long time, I didn’t feel like I had any friends. It was nobody’s fault. I had crawled so far inside myself that I chose dozing off on the couch with the TV remote in my hand over going outside…  [Read More]

You’re Missing The Point

by Bill Brenner December 20, 2011 Depression

Based on some of the reader feedback I’ve received lately, it’s a safe bet that some people miss the point of this blog. Mood music: When they read about the tougher things I’ve been through, they walk away with the notion that this is about stewing over childhood pain and obsessing over the challenges of everyday life. But that’s not the point at all. This is about finding the beauty in life and celebrating the…  [Read More]

When You’re A Kid, Little Incidents Are A Big Deal

by Bill Brenner December 15, 2011 Children's issues

A point my mother made regarding some of what I’ve written about the past: “I remember differently than you on most entries. Not because I am blind but because children are little and see things big.” Mood music: I don’t disagree with that. When you’re little you do see things big. In this case, my mother was referring to the stuff I’ve written about my childhood and whether things really happened as I remember it….  [Read More]

My Mother Found The Blog

by Bill Brenner December 9, 2011 Children's issues

In my slow effort to reconcile with my mother, I made it easier for her to find this blog. Given the raw emotion to be found here, I was pretty sure it would be rough. Mood music: I suspect it hasn’t been easy for her to read through this thing. Not at all. But her initial comments suggest she’s really trying to get it and put it in the proper perspective. Some of my memories…  [Read More]

THE OCD DIARIES, Two Years Later

by Bill Brenner December 7, 2011 Addiction

Two years ago today, in a moment of Christmas-induced depression, I started this blog. I meant for it to be a place where I could go and spill out the insanity in my head so I could carry on with life. In short order, it snowballed into much more than that. Mood music: http://youtu.be/IKpEoRlcHfA About a year into my recovery from serious mental illness and addiction — the most uncool, unglamorous addiction at that — I started…  [Read More]

A Word About Christmas Gifts

by Bill Brenner December 2, 2011 Faith

Every year, when family members ask me what I want for Christmas, I’m always at a loss for words. I don’t really care about getting presents, though I love to give them. Mood music: But there are some non-material things I wish for: –That this Christmas season I’ll be free of the blues that almost always plague me this time of year. –That some old friends who have lost someone special this year find peace…  [Read More]

When Being Smart Becomes A Burden

by Bill Brenner November 30, 2011 Children's issues

Our oldest has an intellect well beyond his 10 years. He absorbs details with little effort and I can’t remember the last time he DIDN’T achieve high honors. But sometimes I forget that he’s still a kid. Mood music: He likes to tell us he’s a tween. To that, I tell him he’s more like a half tween. But he is mighty mature for his age, nothing like the immature, messed up kid I was…  [Read More]

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