Fear and anxiety

Just a Little Patience

by Bill Brenner May 26, 2010 Addiction

I recently stumbled upon this live version of GnR’s “Patience” and wanted to post it here because it’s always been an inspirational song to me. Being an OCD-wired control freak with a knack for impatience and  endless attempts at recovery before I finally pulled it off, patience was a virtue I simply did not possess. It would be a stretch to say I’ve mastered it at this point in my life, but I at least…  [Read More]

Shamed to Death

by Bill Brenner May 25, 2010 Fear and anxiety

Why do people with mental and physical illness choose a slow, painful death over recovery? Mood music for this post: “Estranged” by Guns N Roses: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpmAY059TTY&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Last week I went on a tirade against firms putting limits on coverage for mental health care. It’s the same sorry song that ratchets up the fear level for those suffering from depression, OCD, bipolar disorder and the like, and The Boston Globe’s Kay Lazar shed light on a…  [Read More]

Pills Can’t Kill Pain at the Source

by Bill Brenner May 24, 2010 Addiction

The author has written much about his binge-eating addiction, but not so much about the pills — until now. Mood music for this post: “I Don’t Like the Drugs But the Drugs Like Me” by Marilyn Manson: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EefPcht54c&hl=en_US&fs=1&] A fellow addict in OA recently asked me how pills fit into my overall haze before I found recovery. She asked because when sharing my story I mention how taking Prednisone as a kid for Crohn’s Disease…  [Read More]

Hitting Bottom: Songs and Backstory

by Bill Brenner May 23, 2010 Addiction

Hitting bottom is the moment of truth for an addict, whether the shackles are made of heroin, booze or food. I’ve been there. You have a choice: Clean up your act or die a painful death that can be either quick or slow. People ask me all the time about my big moment. The answer is that there wasn’t that one dramatic moment of hitting bottom. It was more a series of bottoms. It was…  [Read More]

My Personal Ground Zero

by Bill Brenner May 19, 2010 Courage

A walk past Ground Zero takes the author from the darkness to the light. Mood music for this post: “The Engine Driver” by The Decemberists: If ever there was a day when I could relapse my way into McDonald’s to down $40 bags of junk and wash it down with four glasses of wine, this was it. My mood took a deep dive this afternoon. And the source was the last thing I would have…  [Read More]

The Brenners Invade The White House

by Bill Brenner May 17, 2010 Addiction

The author on returning from a journey that would have been impossible a few years ago. It’s 5:30 a.m. and I’m running on less than four hours of sleep, so excuse any typos that follow… I’m back in my “sunrise chair” the morning after returning from one hell of a road trip that included a private tour of the White House West Wing, a stay at buddy Alex Howard’s place and a stay with our…  [Read More]

The Fear of Current Events

by Bill Brenner May 11, 2010 Children's issues

Digging through storage boxes the other day, I found old, 20-plus-year-old copies of Time Magazine, Newsweek, Mother Jones and a host of others. There had to be four years of them, well over 200 volumes. And so I was reminded — again — of all the fear I used to carry around. As I’ve written before, fear and anxiety were byproducts of my particular brand of OCD, just like my addictions were a byproduct. The…  [Read More]

Just Like a Car Crash

by Bill Brenner May 11, 2010 Fear and anxiety

The author is in a pretty good mood for a guy who cracked up his car last night. Mood music for this post: “Stigmata” by Ministry: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbMbTx6HyvE&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Last night, on the way home from an OA meeting, I cracked up the car. Badly. The good news is that nobody was hurt, though my car is another story. The front end is smashed in. Oddly enough, the headlights, while popped out of place, are intact and…  [Read More]

Shakin’ the (Empty) Money Maker

by Bill Brenner May 7, 2010 Addiction

The author on keeping sane when you gotta make do with less. Mood music for this post:”What’s It Gonna Take” by Motley Crue: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wredTXeMS64&hl=en_US&fs=1&] It’s easy to come undone when the money supply tightens up. Just about everyone I know is feeling the financial hurt these days. In our case, we chose to take on the world of financial hurt. Erin has a cool editing business that deserves a chance to flourish and we had…  [Read More]

Hitting Bottom

by Bill Brenner May 2, 2010 Addiction

The author didn’t hit rock bottom before he got help. He hit several bottoms. Mood music for this post: “Coma White” by Marylin Manson: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQPJYnr48yU&hl=en_US&fs=1&] You’ve heard a million variations of the story from people who have battled depression and addiction. At some point they hit bottom and have that moment of clarity when they realize they have two choices: Get help or die. Nikki Sixx from Motley Crue’s moment of truth was in December…  [Read More]

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