Fear and anxiety

Friends Who Help You Heal, Part 2

by Bill Brenner July 30, 2010 Addiction

For a lot of years, I didn’t have many friends. It’s not that people didn’t like me. It’s just that I chose to isolate from the rest of the world for a long time. People with mental illness and addiction do that sort of thing. Mood music: “Damn Good” by David Lee Roth: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mIP7ySBXBg&hl=en_US&fs=1] I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately, because these days I seem to be spreading myself thin making plans with…  [Read More]

Lessons of a Thirty-something

by Bill Brenner July 20, 2010 Addiction

The author is reflecting a lot on things that happened in his 30s. Mood music: “Lunchbox” by Marylin Manson: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5Fo57AXW3w&hl=en_US&fs=1] Since my 40th birthday is next month, I’m thinking a lot about the last decade. In many ways, I’m not the same guy I was when I was staring at my 30th birthday. This has been a decade of healing, with a lot of broken scabs along the way. At the start of my 30s,…  [Read More]

The Perils of Service, Part 2

by Bill Brenner July 18, 2010 Addiction

Volunteering can be a bitch, especially when you forget who you’re there to help. Mood music for this post: “My Way” by Limp Bizkit: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQ8Qi86i82s&hl=en_US&fs=1] Once a month, I spend a couple hours on a Saturday volunteering in the food pantry run by our church. It can be a frustrating endeavor. Part of the frustration is my own fault. I should be there more often, but I’m only there once a month because I’m spread…  [Read More]

Fear of Fat People

by Bill Brenner July 14, 2010 Addiction

What do you tell someone who says they’re afraid of fat people because they might “catch the disease” if they get too close? Read on and discuss. Mood music for this post: “Afraid” by Motley Crue: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU-rtOouPOA&hl=en_US&fs=1] Someone in program told me that she’s afraid of fat people. Being in the same room with obesity fills her with terror. She’s worried that if she shakes a fat person’s hand, she’ll “catch the disease.” I couldn’t…  [Read More]

America’s Confusion Over OCD

by Bill Brenner July 10, 2010 Communication Skills

A new friend from East Africa offers a new perspective on obsessive-compulsive disorder. Mood music for this post: “Three Days” by Jane’s Addiction: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SmvG2GZ3S7o&hl=en_US&fs=1] A reader of this blog recently friended me on Facebook and, Thursday, pinged me using the FB chat feature. He’s from Uganda in East Africa. He has OCD. The conversation was mostly him asking me questions about my own treatment for the disorder, how understood it is in American culture and…  [Read More]

The Downward Spiral

by Bill Brenner June 29, 2010 Depression

I was going to start this with some amusing anecdote about how I’m suffering so others might be saved. Jesus already did that sort of thing, of course. Dopes like me think it’s good to suffer to benefit others, but it’s really just delusional thinking we engage in to feel better about ourselves when the chips are down.

Emotions That Come from a Strange Place

by Bill Brenner June 28, 2010 Depression

The author finds himself walking between depression and hope. A strange place to be. (Written during a depressive episode in 2010.) Mood music for this post: Henry Rollins’ “I Think I Know You” performed over “A Warm Place,” from Nine Inch Nails’ “Downward Spiral” album: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2CPIT4nsT24&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Yesterday was a perfect example of the strange place I’m in emotionally these days. It started well enough. A good Mass at church in the morning, a phone conversation…  [Read More]

Turning the Tables on Those Who Whine

by Bill Brenner June 26, 2010 Depression

The author has a low tolerance for those who bitch. But he’s about to do it anyway. Mood music for this post: “Thorn in My Pride” by The Black Crows: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5d-xq6q72cA&hl=en_US&fs=1&] This post is about whining and hypocrisy. For much of my adult life, I’ve had a low tolerance for people who whine about every little thing. I say adult life, because as a teenager all I did was whine. Facebook has become a favorite…  [Read More]

Too Young for the Truth?

by Bill Brenner June 9, 2010 Children's issues

Sean learns more about the man he’s named for than the author intended at this young age. All things considered, he took it well. Mood music for this post: “Leslie Anne Levine” from The Decemberists: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ml0VI8VZO2U&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Sean and Duncan were fighting in the bathtub. I can’t remember what started it, or what sparked this angry comment from Sean: “I’d rather commit suicide than apologize [for whatever he did].”  I punished him by making him go…  [Read More]

Hiding in Movies

by Bill Brenner June 3, 2010 Children's issues

The author used to pretend he was a character from movies and TV shows. Then he realized his own life was much more interesting. I used to channel my OCD on movies and TV shows with larger-than-life heroes and villains. Star Wars. Superman. Star Trek. It beat the hell out of real life. I guess it started when I was around 8 and first starting to get really sick from Crohn’s Disease. I had just…  [Read More]

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