Fear and anxiety

Fatherhood Saved Ozzy, Eddie & Me

by Bill Brenner May 4, 2012 Addiction

Yesterday I watched the “God Bless Ozzy Osbourne” documentary, which focused heavily on how his addictions maimed him and his family over four decades. Though my addictive behavior pales by comparison, it still struck a chord. Mood music: [spotify:track:6xb9RiyqpDXWF4wUYPDwI2] What hit me deepest is how Ozzy finally decided to get real sobriety after his son Jack had kicked drugs and alcohol. It took his son to show him the light. There’s a similar plot in…  [Read More]

For A Girl Recently Diagnosed With Crohn’s Disease

by Bill Brenner May 3, 2012 Children's issues

The daughter of close friends just found out she has Crohn’s Disease. She’s suffering a lot right now, and I know exactly what she’s going through. This post is for her. Mood music: [spotify:track:3l4L10OL1gbfypzTwjvINb] Hello, my young friend. I’m sorry that you’re hurting so much right now. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease when I was around your age, and spent many weeks in the hospital between ages 8-16. It stinks. But if there’s one…  [Read More]

‘Fixing OCD’ Article Is Badly Misleading

by Bill Brenner May 2, 2012 Adventures in writing

An article in The Atlantic called “5 Very Specific Ways to Fix Your OCD” blows it from the start — in the headline. OCD sufferers know damn well that you can’t fix OCD. You can only learn to manage it and make it less of a disrupting force in your life. Mood music: [spotify:track:74gJqWYjsfTyG4tSjhkoh7] Knowing that as I do, I’m dissapointed that the writer would give OCD sufferers false hope, followed by five pieces of advice…  [Read More]

Addiction — And Security Journalism — Showed Me That Anonymity Matters

by Bill Brenner April 27, 2012 Addiction

Journalists like me have never been particularly comfortable using anonymous sources. When you don’t name names, someone inevitably questions if your source is real or imagined. But after dealing with some addictions in recent years, I feel differently about it. Mood music: There are some important distinctions to be made from the outset: I’ve written opinion pieces in my day job as a security journalist that have been critical of the hacker group Anonymous for…  [Read More]

The Monkey Will ALWAYS Be On Your Back

by Bill Brenner April 25, 2012 Addiction

I’m standing at a bar in Boston with my wife and stepmom. They order wine and I order coffee. My stepmom beams and says something about how awesome it is that I beat my demons. I appreciate the pride and the sentiment. But it’s also dangerous when someone tells a recovering addict that they’ve pulled the monkey off their back for good. Mood music: Here’s the thing about that monkey: You can smack him around,…  [Read More]

Strong Too Long, Or Weak Too Often?

by Bill Brenner April 23, 2012 Addiction

There’s a saying on Facebook that depression isn’t a sign of weakness, but simply the result of being strong for too long. Somewhat true — though weakness does feed the beast. Mood music: I’m feeling it this morning. I’ve always taken a certain level of satisfaction from my ability to stay standing in the face of death, illness, family dysfunction, depression and addiction. Sometimes, I get an over-inflated sense of survivor’s pride. People love to…  [Read More]

When The Going Gets Tough, I Disconnect

by Bill Brenner April 17, 2012 Addiction

I’m leaving my weekly therapy sessions with a headache these days, because I’m working through another deeply embedded flaw in my soul. Mood music: It’s not nearly as bad as the therapy I had in 2004-2006, when I had to endlessly churn the sewage of my childhood memories in search of clues on what was wrong with me and how I got that way. Back then, I didn’t know myself very well. Now I do….  [Read More]

The JetBlue Captain Went Crazy

by Bill Brenner April 13, 2012 Communication Skills

I held off on writing about the JetBlue captain who suffered an emotional breakdown in flight because the case seemed too cut and dry for my added perspective. Mood music: That’s because I was thinking about this from the perspective of a frequent flyer. I prefer that the guys running the cockpit of my plane are sober and of sound mind. If someone is on the mental edge, they shouldn’t be flying a plane. And…  [Read More]

A H5N1 Case Study In Fear

by Bill Brenner December 30, 2011 Coping tools

Sometimes my work writings crash head-on into this blog. Last week I wrote a post in CSO’s SaltedHash blog about how I thought scientists were reckless to mutate the H5N1 strain of bird flu. While there’s the obvious security component, part of my feelings on the subject go back to my years living with fear and anxiety. Mood music: http://youtu.be/-q-MorIES5I This isn’t a post to say I’ve changed my mind about this strain of bird…  [Read More]

Yes, Virginia, There Is A Grinch

by Bill Brenner December 16, 2011 Depression

Everything about Christmas is infuriating me today. It’s progress, because Christmas once brought out deep feelings of sadness, and I prefer self-righteous fury over sadness. Still, this is supposed to be a joyful season and I’m trying to find that joy. After all, nobody wants a cranky bastard in the room ruining the party. So I’ve been seeking  THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT, and I must admit the results have been mixed. One thing that makes me…  [Read More]

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →