For travelers

Just Like a Car Crash

by Bill Brenner May 11, 2010 Fear and anxiety

The author is in a pretty good mood for a guy who cracked up his car last night. Mood music for this post: “Stigmata” by Ministry: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rbMbTx6HyvE&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Last night, on the way home from an OA meeting, I cracked up the car. Badly. The good news is that nobody was hurt, though my car is another story. The front end is smashed in. Oddly enough, the headlights, while popped out of place, are intact and…  [Read More]

Pieces of Mind

by Bill Brenner April 11, 2010 For travelers

This happens every time I have a week of travel. By the time Sunday rolls around, I reach a point in the afternoon where I sit in the chair by the living room window as my brain cracks into pieces. I feel a buzz, even though I’m sober. I feel some bloat, even though my eating has been clean. Mood music: “Ace of Spades” by Motorhead: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxJwP0izGgc&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I feel like a wheel that’s spinning so…  [Read More]

Scenes from the Airport

by Bill Brenner April 8, 2010 For travelers

The author finds airport amusement where he once found hell. Here’s what happens. Mood music for this post: “Learn to Fly” by Foo Fighters: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VQ_3sBZEm0&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I sit here at 6:23 a.m. San Francisco time, sitting at the gate for a flight home in an hour. Considering what I just passed through, I got here pretty quickly and calmly. Let’s back up. When I got here, the TSA line was as long as I’ve ever seen….  [Read More]

An OCD Diaries Primer

by Bill Brenner March 20, 2010 Addiction

A collection of posts that form the back story of this blog. Mood music: [spotify:track:19n9s9SfnLtwPEODqk8KCT] The Long History of OCD An OCD Christmas. The first entry, where I give an overview of how I got to crazy and found my way to sane. The Bad Pill Kept Me from the Good Pill. How the drug Prednisone brought me to the brink, and how Prozac was part of my salvation. The Crazy-Ass Guy in the Newsroom….  [Read More]

Post-Travel Blues (A.K.A. Pretty Vacant)

by Bill Brenner March 5, 2010 Depression

The author reflects on the zombie-like state he tends to be in after a whirlwind trip, and the not-so-smart way he used to handle it. Mood music for this post: “Pretty Vacant” by the Sex Pistols: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmHhB9zV_rQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&] So here I sit in my favorite chair by the living room window. The sun shines through. A thick cup of coffee is on the table beside me. I’ve gotten some rest. But there’s still a lot of…  [Read More]

Back to Boston

by Bill Brenner March 3, 2010 Family

It’s 12:45 a.m. west coast time as I write this, and I’ve just packed for the morning flight home after a week of pounding the pavement of San Francisco during the RSA security conference and the nearby Security B-Sides event. I was in OCD overdrive the whole time in terms of writing, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Seven articles, two podcasts and scheduled a high-profile interview for next week. I kept the OCD…  [Read More]

Sober in San Francisco (Aint Easy)

by Bill Brenner March 2, 2010 Addiction

The author has been sober and on a rigid eating plan to control his addictions for some time. But nothing puts him to the test quite like time on the road. Mood music for this post: “Saints of Los Angeles” by Motley Crue — [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XFMVHRZztM&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Here’s the thing with security conferences (and conferences in general): a ton of food is lying around and booze seems to ooze from every building. That used to suit me…  [Read More]

Early Morning

by Bill Brenner March 2, 2010 For travelers

I slept in this morning, which means I didn’t roll out of bed until 6 a.m. San Francisco time. Back home it was 9 a.m. It feels like I slept half the day away. That might not sound right to those of you who sleep more normal hours. But the truth is, I prefer getting up at 4 a.m. The house is quiet. I can write as the coffee seeps into my bloodstream. It’s peaceful….  [Read More]

Friends Who Help You Heal

by Bill Brenner February 28, 2010 Coping tools

The following was written one winter in a moment of absolute clarity. Mood  music: [spotify:track:27xIf7tzHPQFX068pFYlAh] Today was sunny and warm in San Francisco. After the never-ending winter back home, I got what I needed today: A walk all over the city with my good friend, Rob Westervelt. We started by walking along Fisherman’s Wharf, then Golden Gate Park and covered a lot of ground in between. It brought back memories of when I came here…  [Read More]

I’m On My Way

by Bill Brenner February 28, 2010 For travelers

I’m sitting at Gate C21 at Logan Airport, waiting to board a flight to San Francisco for this week’s RSA security conference. My VPN to the company network isn’t working, which means I’ll have to send my articles to somebody else to post. That pisses me off. It’s a lack of control. But it’ll all work out in the end. I’ll write my stories and they’ll get posted. Gotta have a little Faith. A lot…  [Read More]

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