Gratitude

The OCD Curse Meets the OCD Blessing

by Bill Brenner September 17, 2010 Gratitude

Something interesting happened yesterday. The OCD was running hot all afternoon and kicking my ass. Then, when I wasn’t expecting it, it gave me a second wind that worked out for everyone. Mood music: [spotify:track:4AAwBktkUB8LXGy5xNW3Rc] I was running around trying to get things done before going to a National Information Security Group (NAISG) meeting and the kids were in their usual state of after-school chaos. Duncan was sitting over his homework, not really getting anything…  [Read More]

Alone vs. Isolation

by Bill Brenner September 13, 2010 Coping tools

One of the big things I’ve struggled with over the years is when it’s OK to be alone and when it’s not. I spent a lot of years in isolation. I’m slowly realizing isolation and alone aren’t necessarily the same thing. Isolation never amounts to anything positive for me. Alone does — when I let it. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk7jVsiWb3o&fs=1&hl=en_US] I spent a lot of years in isolation when I was sickest with the OCD and…  [Read More]

Sept. 11, 2001

by Bill Brenner September 10, 2010 Depression

Everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing on Sept. 11, 2001. Here’s my own account. Mood music: I was assistant New Hampshire editor at The Eagle-Tribune and I arrived in the newsroom at 4:30 a.m. as usual. I was already in a depressed mood. It wasn’t a sense of dread over something bad about to happen. It was simply my state of mind at the time. I wasn’t liking myself and was…  [Read More]

40: The New 20

by Bill Brenner August 26, 2010 Gratitude

A lot of people get depressed on their birthday. Not me. The fact that I turn 40 today is almost a freak of nature. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVXIK1xCRpY&fs=1&hl=en_US] When I was sick with the Crohn’s Disease as a kid, I lost a lot of blood and developed several side ailments. I’m told by my parents that the doctor’s were going to remove the colon more than once. It didn’t happen. They tell me I was closing…  [Read More]

The Ballad of Joe Zippo

by Bill Brenner August 20, 2010 Gratitude

Back at Salem State College there was a friend I would smoke cigarettes with outside the commuter cafeteria. We’d talk about everything from politics to Nirvana, his favorite band at the time. This was back when Kurt Cobain was still alive. He eventually picked up a guitar and teamed up with my friend and fellow journalist Greg Walsh, forming the band Zippo Raid. Mood music: I lost touch with him after college, but I’m thinking…  [Read More]

The Smoking Room

by Bill Brenner August 17, 2010 For misfits

In the early 1990s, as my addictions and OCD started taking on a life of their own, there was a place I could escape to and feel normal for a few hours. This is the story of the smoking room at North Shore Community College (NSCC). Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YyDg9tT0Vw&fs=1&hl=en_US] I’ve been thinking a lot about this place, especially after talking to one of my best friends, Mike Trans, who I happened to meet in that…  [Read More]

We Need Routines

by Bill Brenner August 16, 2010 Gratitude

Being the restless, boredom-shunning soul that I am, I always look forward to the next trip. But today I’m back to a more mundane routine, and I couldn’t be happier. As great as it is to bust out of the norm from time to time, we need our routines. Especially me. Mood music for this post: “Back in The Saddle” by Aerosmith: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDKxUt9UkmU For starters, a routine is vital for someone in recovery from addiction…  [Read More]

The Trouble With Wanting It All

by Bill Brenner August 15, 2010 Addiction

Ever since I got over my fear and anxiety I’ve had a bottomless appetite to do it all. I want to travel everywhere. I want to see everything. And I want to participate in as many events as possible. Sometimes that gets me in trouble. Here’s an example. Mood music: “Serve the Servants” by Nirvana: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aztw2s3PZzY Columbus Day Weekend there are two events I badly want to be a part of. One is something my security…  [Read More]

Marley’s Ghost

by Bill Brenner August 1, 2010 Gratitude

I’ve written a lot in this blog about Sean Marley, my friend and brother, who took his life in 1996. It’s been unavoidable. He left a huge mark on my life in ways dark and wonderful. Yesterday was all about the latter. Mood music: “Hollywood” by The Runaways: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWSoOnSfk_8&hl=en_US&fs=1] With Erin working and the kids camping with their grandparents, I found myself in the rare situation where I had a lot of time on my…  [Read More]

Friends Who Help You Heal, Part 2

by Bill Brenner July 30, 2010 Addiction

For a lot of years, I didn’t have many friends. It’s not that people didn’t like me. It’s just that I chose to isolate from the rest of the world for a long time. People with mental illness and addiction do that sort of thing. Mood music: “Damn Good” by David Lee Roth: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mIP7ySBXBg&hl=en_US&fs=1] I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately, because these days I seem to be spreading myself thin making plans with…  [Read More]

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