Grief management

A Sister’s Battle with Depression

by Bill Brenner September 7, 2010 Children's issues

This blog is chock full of my own experiences with depression and addiction. I even hint here and there about how the addictive behavior runs in the family. But I’ve avoided the story of depression among siblings until now. This post is about my older sister, who had it much harder than me, and whose progress over the years has inspired me.   I haven’t mentioned it up to this point because it’s her story…  [Read More]

The Ballad of Joe Zippo

by Bill Brenner August 20, 2010 Gratitude

Back at Salem State College there was a friend I would smoke cigarettes with outside the commuter cafeteria. We’d talk about everything from politics to Nirvana, his favorite band at the time. This was back when Kurt Cobain was still alive. He eventually picked up a guitar and teamed up with my friend and fellow journalist Greg Walsh, forming the band Zippo Raid. Mood music: I lost touch with him after college, but I’m thinking…  [Read More]

Bully’s Remorse

by Bill Brenner August 19, 2010 Children's issues

There was a kid in high school everyone used to pick on. He had a monotone voice and was frail. Kids were terrible to him, including me. Mood music: [spotify:track:5Qy0zLjQy3czoj0yZ7DFkk] For you to understand what I’m about to get into, a review of the 12 Steps of Recovery are in order, with special emphasis on 8 and 9: 1. We admitted we were powerless over [insert addiction. Here’s mine]—that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to…  [Read More]

Riding The Blue Pill

by Bill Brenner August 2, 2010 Coping tools

Today an experiment begins. Though it’s still summer, I’m going back up an extra 20 MG on the Prozac. The goal: Avoid the deep slide into depression that usually comes just in time for the Christmas season. Mood music: “She Rides” by Danzig: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnizbRoqv84&hl=en_US&fs=1] I was at 60 MG for the winter and most of the spring, but dialed it back to 40 in May. The reason I’m going back up, though I feel fine,…  [Read More]

Friends Who Help You Heal, Part 2

by Bill Brenner July 30, 2010 Addiction

For a lot of years, I didn’t have many friends. It’s not that people didn’t like me. It’s just that I chose to isolate from the rest of the world for a long time. People with mental illness and addiction do that sort of thing. Mood music: “Damn Good” by David Lee Roth: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mIP7ySBXBg&hl=en_US&fs=1] I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately, because these days I seem to be spreading myself thin making plans with…  [Read More]

Every Gift But Length of Years

by Bill Brenner June 11, 2010 Depression

An untimely death has the author rethinking the meaning of life. Mood music for this post: “Alive” by P.O.D.: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AFG820EwvUQ&hl=en_US&fs=1&] After JFK Jr., his wife and sister-in-law were killed when the plane they were in hit the ocean in the summer of 1999, the late Sen. Edward “Uncle Teddy” Kennedy said at the memorial service that his nephew had “every gift but length of years.” It reminds me of an interview done years ago with…  [Read More]

Too Young for the Truth?

by Bill Brenner June 9, 2010 Children's issues

Sean learns more about the man he’s named for than the author intended at this young age. All things considered, he took it well. Mood music for this post: “Leslie Anne Levine” from The Decemberists: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ml0VI8VZO2U&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Sean and Duncan were fighting in the bathtub. I can’t remember what started it, or what sparked this angry comment from Sean: “I’d rather commit suicide than apologize [for whatever he did].”  I punished him by making him go…  [Read More]

Just a Little Patience

by Bill Brenner May 26, 2010 Addiction

I recently stumbled upon this live version of GnR’s “Patience” and wanted to post it here because it’s always been an inspirational song to me. Being an OCD-wired control freak with a knack for impatience and  endless attempts at recovery before I finally pulled it off, patience was a virtue I simply did not possess. It would be a stretch to say I’ve mastered it at this point in my life, but I at least…  [Read More]

The Healers (Adventures in Step 9)

by Bill Brenner May 4, 2010 Gratitude

Tripped on Step 9 many times. But I got back up. Here’s what happened next. Mood music for this post: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrUdulMG4Qg&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Of the 12 Steps of Recovery, three are the thorns of my existence: 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continued to…  [Read More]

Birthdays of the Dead

by Bill Brenner May 3, 2010 Addiction

The author observes another birthday for someone who isn’t around to celebrate. Mood music for this post: “On With The Show” by Motley Crue: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QyapJ9iCWxA&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I’m a lot better at remembering the day someone died than the day they were born. I guess that’s understandable. Birthdays come and go. Death dates for those who are close burn a scar into your brain that makes the moment feel like it only happened seconds ago. Even if…  [Read More]

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