Grief management

Am I Too Hard on Myself?

by Bill Brenner January 5, 2011 Addiction

A friend asked that question yesterday. I’ve certainly been accused of being too hard on myself before. My step-mother reads this blog and told me I should give myself a break. Steve Lambert, former editor of The Eagle-Tribune, said I was too hard on myself when I wrote the “One of My Biggest Regrets” post. Mood music: [spotify:track:0OXjHxbrmrkpvqudvzWlDR] The short answer is that sometimes I am, most of the time I’m not. When I was…  [Read More]

Midwest Center for Fraud & Bullshit

by Bill Brenner January 2, 2011 Addiction

Cleaning out the trunk of my car yesterday, I came across a stack of cassette tapes from a period in my life when I was so desperate I’d spend stupid sums of money on anything to remove my fear and anxiety. These tapes were part of a program that cost me some $450. Each tape, sold by the Midwest Center for Stress & Anxiety, is designed to help people learn the skills to defeat anxiety and…  [Read More]

Life After Death: When Is It OK to Live Again?

by Bill Brenner November 27, 2010 Grief management

Going to the wake of my friend‘s mom, I found myself engaged in a strange line of thinking. Memories of past deaths came back to me. Michael. Sean. Peter. All the grandparents. Not in a bad way, either. Mood music: [spotify:track:67Cg1LnmtmJDOZEzCvP6mk] In a bizarre game of mental math, I started thinking about how long it took me to bounce back from each death. It’s a stupid game to play, because there’s no science or arithmetic…  [Read More]

Facebook Follow Friday: Penny

by Bill Brenner November 19, 2010 Gratitude

Welcome to week four of this new tradition of mine: Giving the nod to some of my Facebook friends for giving my spirits a lift and teaching me new things. A reminder on what this is about: There’s a thing we do on Twitter called Follow Friday, where we list people we follow and suggest others do the same. I figured Facebook should have something similar, so here it is. There’s a lot of crap on Facebook….  [Read More]

14 Years to Put Suicide in Perspective

by Bill Brenner November 15, 2010 Grief management

I’ve written a lot about my old friend Sean Marley in this blog. Some of you may be sick of it, but I really have no choice. His death is too intertwined with my own struggles to avoid it. Today is the 14th anniversary of his death, and I’ve learned a lot of painful lessons since then. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwPaMQ-3mFo&fs=1&hl=en_US] In the weeks leading up to his suicide, I knew he was badly depressed. I…  [Read More]

The Inconvenience of Death

by Bill Brenner October 6, 2010 Fear and anxiety

It happens whenever someone dies. After the initial shock passes, you start thinking about when the wake and funeral will take place — and whether it will get in the way of your work-family-entertainment plans. It’s a sucky way to be, but it’s human nature. Today’s mood music is very appropriate: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2FX4aYo3dE&fs=1&hl=en_US] My great-grandmother died hours before my 25th birthday. Her daughter — my Nana — died on Columbus Day weekend in 2003. Papa died…  [Read More]

Never Forgotten

by Bill Brenner September 25, 2010 Depression

That post about Zane resonated with a lot of people. It’s comforting to know he hasn’t been forgotten. Being forgotten. It’s everyone’s fear. I often worry that people who end their own lives will end up that way. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE7rkSELM3I&fs=1&hl=en_US] Though I’ve had many an episode with depression, I’ve never once considered suicide. That makes me no better than those who have. In my case, Faith has always prevented that line of thinking. Suicide…  [Read More]

Happily Ever After Is Bullshit & That’s OK

by Bill Brenner September 21, 2010 Addiction

Often, when depression slaps me upside the head, it’s on the heels of a prolonged period of good feelings and positive energy. Especially this time of year, when the daylight recedes early and returns late. These setbacks can be discouraging, but you can survive them with the right perspective. Mood music: It’s easy for people who fight mental illness and addictive behavior to go on an endless, futile search for the happily ever after, where…  [Read More]

The Positive Man’s Mask

by Bill Brenner September 20, 2010 Depression

My boss and good friend John Gallant once told me I’m one of the most positive people he knows. I was keeping a sunny disposition despite the Internet being down or something like that. I’m definitely a sunnier person than I used to be. To be truthful, though, sometimes it’s just an act. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukHqzqZOe7g&fs=1&hl=en_US] What brings me to that line of thinking is the crime wave of depression that hit me this weekend….  [Read More]

Sept. 11, 2001

by Bill Brenner September 10, 2010 Depression

Everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing on Sept. 11, 2001. Here’s my own account. Mood music: I was assistant New Hampshire editor at The Eagle-Tribune and I arrived in the newsroom at 4:30 a.m. as usual. I was already in a depressed mood. It wasn’t a sense of dread over something bad about to happen. It was simply my state of mind at the time. I wasn’t liking myself and was…  [Read More]

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