Love

Broken Souls, Emotional Breakdowns

by Bill Brenner October 19, 2010 Fear and anxiety

I’ve been in a strange place lately. I’m fine and all, but I’ve been around a lot of broken people, and that has an impact on you after awhile. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3px0m1Y9Tuc&fs=1&hl=en_US] I can’t get into the stuff that has brought these friends to the brink, but I can say there’s been a lot of crying. Given my own trouble with tears, it’s rather funny that I’d be in this position. But I’ll do anything…  [Read More]

Depression and Being Gay

by Bill Brenner October 16, 2010 Depression

One of the big debates that has always irked me is about whether homosexuals are born that way or if they just wake up one morning and decide to be that way. Having a gay sister, aunt and cousin-in-law, I have something to say about that. I’m sure there are a few people who decide to give it a try as a lifestyle choice. That’s their business. But every gay person I’ve ever met didn’t…  [Read More]

For A Brother and Sister

by Bill Brenner October 13, 2010 Faith

Two very dear friends of mine are in crisis. I’m not saying who they are because it’s no one’s business. But I’ll tell you what: I’ve had a lot of friends come and go in my life. Two of the closest friends died on me. It took a long, long time before I was willing to even consider getting close to anyone ever again outside my family. These two managed to break into my hardened…  [Read More]

Love Hurts, Love Stings, Love Endures

by Bill Brenner October 12, 2010 Family

Yesterday I remembered something the priest said during his Homily at our wedding: “You marry the person you think you know, and spend the rest of your lives really getting to know each other.” Another priest at another wedding eight years later told the bride and groom: “Your job is to get each other into Heaven.” Mood music: [spotify:track:6iCCvEH7xhkcsFTXnLVLIK] Sometimes you get to know each other and you don’t like what you see. Then things…  [Read More]

Back in the Real World, Emotionally Drained

by Bill Brenner October 11, 2010 Depression

I’m back from a very powerful, emotionally draining weekend. It was absolutely wonderful. I came closest as I ever have to crying a few times. More on that later. For now, here’s the talk I gave Saturday morning. I’ve embedded no links and all typos and rough edges are included. I’m sure you’ll give me a pass on that this time. Everything my new brothers shared this weekend stays between us. I’m only posting this…  [Read More]

Never Forgotten

by Bill Brenner September 25, 2010 Depression

That post about Zane resonated with a lot of people. It’s comforting to know he hasn’t been forgotten. Being forgotten. It’s everyone’s fear. I often worry that people who end their own lives will end up that way. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE7rkSELM3I&fs=1&hl=en_US] Though I’ve had many an episode with depression, I’ve never once considered suicide. That makes me no better than those who have. In my case, Faith has always prevented that line of thinking. Suicide…  [Read More]

Happily Ever After Is Bullshit & That’s OK

by Bill Brenner September 21, 2010 Addiction

Often, when depression slaps me upside the head, it’s on the heels of a prolonged period of good feelings and positive energy. Especially this time of year, when the daylight recedes early and returns late. These setbacks can be discouraging, but you can survive them with the right perspective. Mood music: It’s easy for people who fight mental illness and addictive behavior to go on an endless, futile search for the happily ever after, where…  [Read More]

Sept. 11, 2001

by Bill Brenner September 10, 2010 Depression

Everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing on Sept. 11, 2001. Here’s my own account. Mood music: I was assistant New Hampshire editor at The Eagle-Tribune and I arrived in the newsroom at 4:30 a.m. as usual. I was already in a depressed mood. It wasn’t a sense of dread over something bad about to happen. It was simply my state of mind at the time. I wasn’t liking myself and was…  [Read More]

The Ballad of Joe Zippo

by Bill Brenner August 20, 2010 Gratitude

Back at Salem State College there was a friend I would smoke cigarettes with outside the commuter cafeteria. We’d talk about everything from politics to Nirvana, his favorite band at the time. This was back when Kurt Cobain was still alive. He eventually picked up a guitar and teamed up with my friend and fellow journalist Greg Walsh, forming the band Zippo Raid. Mood music: I lost touch with him after college, but I’m thinking…  [Read More]

Riding The Blue Pill

by Bill Brenner August 2, 2010 Coping tools

Today an experiment begins. Though it’s still summer, I’m going back up an extra 20 MG on the Prozac. The goal: Avoid the deep slide into depression that usually comes just in time for the Christmas season. Mood music: “She Rides” by Danzig: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnizbRoqv84&hl=en_US&fs=1] I was at 60 MG for the winter and most of the spring, but dialed it back to 40 in May. The reason I’m going back up, though I feel fine,…  [Read More]

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