Marriage and relationships

I Started Twitching and Can’t Stop

by Bill Brenner August 16, 2011 Addiction

I have a major case of OCD Fidget Syndrome today. It started with an 8 a.m. meeting in work and seems to have gotten worse as the morning has dragged on. In the meeting I noticed I kept swiveling my chair back and forth and changing positions. I kept tugging at my clothes. I must have gotten pretty slick about it, because people didn’t seem to notice. Then we had a small editorial meeting and…  [Read More]

Caught Smoking

by Bill Brenner August 15, 2011 Addiction

You’ve heard the sorry old tale of the addict who cleaned up from the addiction that made his life unmanageable, only to pick up three more vices. That’s me. Take the surprise Erin got when opening my work bag. Mood music: She was cleaning and found earphones that belonged to me. She unzipped a front compartment in my laptop bag to put them away and had the unpleasant shock of discovering where I’d been hiding…  [Read More]

Mr. Sunshine is on Sabbatical

by Bill Brenner August 14, 2011 Coping tools

It has come to my attention that I’ve been irritable lately. I’m not as outgoing as usual. I don’t have the usual energy. Those who have noted my descending mood trace it back to early June — after Dad suffered his two strokes. My initial reaction to that was irritation. Too fucking bad, I thought. So sorry I allowed Mr. Sunshine to take a sabbatical. How inconvenient for everyone. After a few minutes of that, I…  [Read More]

An Expected Encounter With My Mother

by Bill Brenner August 11, 2011 Depression

I’m in my therapist’s office, going over the things he routinely asks about to make sure I’m playing with a full deck. He asks if I’ve talked to mom recently. No, I tell him. But, I expect to see her this weekend — the first time in two years. Mood music: He asks if I’m nervous about it. To my surprise as well as his, I tell him I’m not — and I actually mean…  [Read More]

Protecting Your Kids Isn’t Always Right

by Bill Brenner August 10, 2011 Children's issues

I’ve always been fiercely protective of my children. Part of it is that fear of loss. I’m like Marlin the clown fish in “Finding Nemo.” Like Marlin, I’m starting to realize I need to let the kids have some adventures. Mood music: Any good parent is going to be over-protective to a point, and that’s how it should be. God gave us these kids to nurture, and we have to make sure they make it to…  [Read More]

A Personality Defect We All Share

by Bill Brenner August 6, 2011 Communication Skills

When you hear about people with conflicting personalities, the image of an insane asylum patient comes to mind. If that were indeed the accurate picture, we would all be committed. Mood music: The truth is that we all have more than one personality. We can be one person in one group setting, then go to another group setting and become somebody else. I don’t think that’s such a bad thing, either. This all came up…  [Read More]

13 Years Married To The Love Of My Life

by Bill Brenner August 1, 2011 Love

Erin and I have been married for 13 years. We’ve been together for 18. I don’t know where the time goes, but as I sit here typing this I’m the luckiest — and most grateful — guy on the planet. Mood music: We celebrated Saturday and my mood spectrum that day symbolizes what she’s had to put up with quite accurately. I was in a good enough mood in the morning and by afternoon I…  [Read More]

I’m a Narcissist (And So Are You)

by Bill Brenner July 27, 2011 Addiction

Someone asked me when I reached a point in my recovery where I stopped being self-absorbed. I told her I never stopped. But when you think about it, you’re not much different from me. Mood music: As I’ve said before, people with obsessive-compulsive tendencies are basket cases about being in control. Maybe it’s simply control of one’s sanity. Usually, it’s control of situations and people you have no business trying to control. Part of it, to be honest,…  [Read More]

I Thought I Was Perfect. I Was Just Stupid

by Bill Brenner July 26, 2011 Addiction

Let me tell you about the time I wanted to be perfect, how the urge nearly ruined me and how I learned to accept — if not embrace — my flaws. One of the great delusions an OCD sufferer labors under is the notion that he/she can achieve absolute perfection. Maybe the goal is to be the perfect employee. Maybe it’s to be the perfect parent and spouse. In some cases, the goal can even…  [Read More]

I Talk To Myself. So What?

by Bill Brenner July 20, 2011 Communication Skills

I talk to myself all the time. Sometimes I get caught, and it embarrasses me. But over the years, the habit has served its purpose. Mood music: http://youtu.be/IKpEoRlcHfA I know I look ridiculous when I do it. Maybe I even look a little crazy, though much less so since the invention of the Bluetooth ear device. One morning in New York City, I was walking down a street chuckling over all the people with Bluetooth…  [Read More]

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →