Marriage and relationships

A Look In The Mirror

by Bill Brenner February 19, 2011 Depression

Written in early 2011, after one of my more spectacular failures as a husband and human being. I’ve been dealing with a pretty sour mood in recent days. This post is my attempt to explain it all. The other day, I wrote a post called “When the Truth is a Lie” and a lot of you commented that I’m too hard on myself. I appreciate that, but I don’t think I was being as open…  [Read More]

A Long-Silenced Voice Speaks

by Bill Brenner January 24, 2011 Gratitude

My dear friend Joy, who readers know by now as the widow of my late friend Sean Marley, sent me a note today — a message from the distant past. Mood music: [spotify:track:2GMC1BnQle6WRstUGUs3mc] She was looking through some of Sean’s diaries and wanted to share something he wrote about me 20 years ago: “Bill is turning 20. He is such a fantastic human being. He feels so much and cares about the world and its…  [Read More]

It Hurt Badly. Therefore, It Was Good

by Bill Brenner January 9, 2011 Depression

My cherished pal Penny Morang Richards made this comment to my “Death of a Sibling” post Friday: “It has to hurt. That’s how you know it was good.” Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPmtiLeMMow&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999] She said it in response to my concluding thoughts: I’ve learned that life is a gift to be cherished and used wisely. I’ve also learned that it hurts sometimes. That’s OK. She knows exactly what she’s talking about. Go read the past year of entries in her…  [Read More]

A Sober, Abstinent New Year’s Eve

by Bill Brenner January 1, 2011 Addiction

I used to revel in New Year’s Eve excess. I’d get blasted on vodka and “head-wreckers” in my Revere basement. I’d binge on Chinese food. I’d wake up promising God I’d never do that again, then I’d promptly break the promise. Last night I stayed sober and abstinent. The food was weighed out as usual. I drank coffee. The niece slept over. Erin introduced Sean to “Dr. Who.” Duncan read his cousin a bedtime story….  [Read More]

More on Kids and Divorce

by Bill Brenner December 22, 2010 Children's issues

Yesterday’s post on children and divorce hit a tender nerve for a lot of you, so I feel a few clarifications are in order. Mood music: http://youtu.be/kJHFaU0lpZ8 Here’s what yesterday’s post WAS NOT: –A rebuke of single parents. I know a lot of single parents who bust their ass and give their children a lot more love than some of the married couples I’ve met in my day. –A plea for people in troubled marriages…  [Read More]

Screwing Your Kids in the Divorce

by Bill Brenner December 21, 2010 Children's issues

When people you know go through a divorce, much is made over who gets what and who loses what. The ex-wife gets the house. The ex-husband gets full custody of the kids. But here’s a constant that’s most upsetting: The kids almost always get the shaft. Mood music: http://youtu.be/gvkvJo2VRJc Parents don’t usually mean for this to happen. They start out determined to shower the children with love and shield them from the ugly stuff as…  [Read More]

Friends in Crisis

by Bill Brenner December 3, 2010 Communication Skills

I have a few friends who are in crisis these days, making my own struggles seem trivial. Talking to them is a lot like living in the Twilight Zone. I’m used to being self absorbed. Mood music: [spotify:track:7bv9wNXN3FHKMRTMdi48fL] I have to admit something: I’m not that good at being there for others. Lord knows I try, but I get so stuck in my own head sometimes that it’s hard to see what’s happening around me….  [Read More]

Readings From The Book Of Crap

by Bill Brenner December 1, 2010 Communication Skills

I’ve noticed a sad phenomena in the halls of recovery. And I’ve had just about enough of it. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60J6HlvfePM&fs=1&hl=en_US] A lot of my 12-Step brothers and sisters have a saying: “I’m taking inventory.” It’s supposed to be about reflecting on your own growth and behavior. But it’s really about trash talking other people. One person is doing too much of it lately. Everyone who walks into an OA, AA or NA meeting is a little…  [Read More]

How Marriage Saved Me

by Bill Brenner November 19, 2010 Love

A couple days ago I compiled some of my posts on how being a Dad helped me move beyond addiction and depression. My marriage to Erin changed me for the better in similar fashion. These posts are about her. The Freak and the Redhead: A Love Story http://www.theocddiaries.com/2009/12/17/the-freak-and-the-redhead-a-love-story/ I wasn’t looking for a soul mate when I met her. It was the summer of 1993 and I was doing just fine on my own. I was…  [Read More]

Me and My Wall

by Bill Brenner November 4, 2010 Addiction

When I get tired and angry, I have this wall I put up. Erin is usually the one who crashes into it. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpAbUvl3eTk&fs=1&hl=en_US] She’s been building a freelance editing business for the past year, and the hours she puts in would kill a lesser person. I’ve taken on a lot of extra things around the house to help, and for the last week or so the fatigue and frustration has set in. Not…  [Read More]

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