Sobriety and abstinence

Back Story Of THE OCD DIARIES

by Bill Brenner May 14, 2011 Addiction

Since I’ve been adding new readers along the way, I always get questions about why I started this thing. I recently expanded the “about” section, and that’s a good starting point. But more of a back story is in order. Mood music: Before I started THE OCD DIARIES in December 2009 with a post about depression hitting me during the holidays, I had always toyed with the idea of doing this. The reason for wanting…  [Read More]

Your Addiction Is Doing Push-ups

by Bill Brenner May 4, 2011 Addiction

I watched an interesting interview Nikki Sixx did with Dr. Drew recently. Sixx talked about his addictions and how he always has to be on guard. Dr. Drew followed that up with a line that rings so true: “Your addiction is doing push ups right now.” <object width=”853″ height=”510″><param name=”movie” value=”http://www.youtube.com/v/NjIbHmYLiyA?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0″></param><param name=”allowFullScreen” value=”true”></param><param name=”allowscriptaccess” value=”always”></param>[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjIbHmYLiyA&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0]</object> I know that as a binge-eating addict following the 12 Steps of Recovery, I can relapse any second. That’s…  [Read More]

‘Binge Eating? Come On, Man’

by Bill Brenner April 23, 2011 Addiction

Every now and then, someone expresses shock at my classifying a compulsive binge eating disorder as addictive behavior. So it was when an acquaintance in the infosec world contacted me this morning. Mood music: [spotify:track:0ydzdWYWIFlGBurhjEXwit] Rather than run the entire message verbatim, I’m going to address certain chunks. His text is in italics, followed my my responses. First, I want to point out that I like this guy. He does great work in our industry….  [Read More]

Coffee With My Therapist, Part 3

by Bill Brenner April 14, 2011 Addiction

I had mixed emotions as I drove to my therapy appointment this morning. On the one hand, I was pissed that half my morning was getting blown out for the appointment. I wasn’t happy about all the tasks bearing down on me, either. On the other hand, the coffee I got at Starbucks was pretty damn good and the ride allowed me to get my fill of vintage Ozzy and Randy Rhoads. Mood music: [youtube…  [Read More]

Change Is Pain, But Not Impossible

by Bill Brenner March 28, 2011 Addiction

Last night’s 12-Step meeting reminded me of just how hard real change is. I used to measure change by who won the next election. I’ve realized that the only real change that matters is within myself. Naturally, it’s the hardest, most brutal kind of change to achieve. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yqkxDgCIsOw&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] Last night’s AA Big Book reading focused on steps 8, 9 and 10: 8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and…  [Read More]

12 Steps: The Ultimate Swiss Army Knife

by Bill Brenner March 7, 2011 Addiction

Last night’s AA Big Book study group meeting really drove home that this program is like a Swiss Army Knife that’ll cut through any number of things that hold us back. As you know by now, I use the 12-Step program to maintain my sobriety and abstinence in the face of a devastating binge-eating disorder. But it’s done so much more than help me manage addictive behavior. It has brought me closer to God and…  [Read More]

Vince Neil Makes Me Sick

by Bill Brenner March 2, 2011 Addiction

Updated Dec. 20, 2011: Vince Neil suggested in an interview that he might leave Motley Crue next year. Maybe they’ll let John Corabi back in. I always liked the album he did with them… I’m a big Motley Crue fan. Their music helped me process all the anger of my teens and in adulthood Nikki Sixx’s story of sobriety inspired me to take a long, hard look in the mirror. But as I watch a…  [Read More]

Let He Who Is Without Sin Stone Charlie Sheen

by Bill Brenner March 1, 2011 Addiction

As a society, we love to tear other people down. When someone else fails, it somehow makes us feel better about the mess our own lives have become. I know, because I do it all the time. But in the case of Charlie Sheen and his public meltdown, I just can’t do it. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hqd2FJF8-h8&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] Sheen’s interview with ABC News’ Andrea Canning is painful to watch. His eyes are sunken into the back…  [Read More]

We Need Routines, Part 2

by Bill Brenner February 28, 2011 Addiction

Here’s one reason February has been such a bitch: My routine has been so far off the rails that it has been hard to keep my perspective. It hurts the whole family-work dynamic. For a person in recovery, routines are beyond huge. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6YzKLRM-pr4&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] Being the restless, boredom-shunning soul that I am, I always look forward to the next trip. I always miss my wife and children during these outings, but it’s also good to…  [Read More]

Do Drunks and Recovering Addicts Mix?

by Bill Brenner February 14, 2011 Addiction

It can be tricky socializing with a recovering addict at a party. In some ways the guy who can’t drink or eat whatever he wants  is socially awkward. So how do you deal with someone like me? Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSih4o2YfmA&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] It’s a fair question, and one I’ve put some thought into since a good friend sent me this feedback: “As someone who knows several people who struggle with addiction issues I’m always hyper-sensitive to everything…  [Read More]

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