The stormy past

Steve Clark Lost His Battle But Helped Me With Mine

by Bill Brenner September 29, 2011 Addiction

I’ve been listening to a ton of Def Leppard this week. It started when I caught two documentaries on the making of “Pyromania” and “Hysteria” on Youtube. I’m remembering what this band did for me during my troubled teenage years. Mood music: http://youtu.be/DOxHmzO1498 One of the big points in both documentaries is that those albums wouldn’t have been the classics they became without the late guitarist Steve Clark. When we think of this band, we…  [Read More]

Losing Friends

by Bill Brenner September 17, 2011 Adventures in writing

I find myself worried this morning that, by opening up in this blog, I’ve lost another dear friend. That’s the challenge with expressing one’s feelings publicly: Even when you think you’re taking care to protect one’s privacy, leaving out names and such, you find a way to hurt someone anyway. Writing this blog has been a lifesaver most days. A lot of people have told me it helps them. But sometimes I curse the day…  [Read More]

I Miss The Fighting

by Bill Brenner September 13, 2011 Communication Skills

In yet another sign that I’m not playing with a full deck, I realized this morning that I miss the fighting between my best friend and his father. Mood music: It’s another stray memory that came to the surface as I went to the wake and funeral for Al Marley. Al and Sean used to have some blistering arguments at the dining room table over religion and politics, appearances — you name it. At the…  [Read More]

Clearer Language From The Catholic Church On Suicide

by Bill Brenner September 5, 2011 Depression

For those, like me, who struggle with suicide, particularly how the Catholic Church feels about it, I have something useful a good friend sent to me this afternoon, presumably after reading this morning’s post. Mood music: http://youtu.be/jrRfoEEDENo From the Catechism of the Catholic Church: “2282 Grave psychological disturbances, anguish, or grave fear of hardship, suffering, or torture can diminish the responsibility of the one committing suicide.  2283 We should not despair of the eternal salvation…  [Read More]

I Miss The Beer Bottle Collection Under The Patio

by Bill Brenner August 31, 2011 Coping tools

In my opinion there’s no better way to release anger and frustration than prayer. But let’s be honest: Sometimes it helps to break things. Mood music:  When I lived in the house on Revere Beach, there was a storage room beneath the concrete patio where I collected all the empty beer bottles from the numerous parties we had in the basement apartment. I spent a lot of time in that room. I’d blast my old…  [Read More]

41 Years

by Bill Brenner August 26, 2011 Addiction

Some people get depressed on their birthday. Not me. The fact that I turn 41 today is a freak of nature. But a year into my forties, I know I have more cleaning up to do. Mood music: Item: When I was sick with the Crohn’s Disease as a kid, I lost a lot of blood and developed several side ailments. I’m told by my parents that the doctor’s were going to remove the colon more than…  [Read More]

A Link Between Prednisone, Mental Illness

by Bill Brenner August 16, 2011 Addiction

Since I have Crohn’s Disease, I’ve been asked if it’s linked to OCD. Yesterday, someone took the question a step further and asked if I think Prednisone led to my mental illness. Mood music: Here was the question, as posed to me on Facebook: “Bill, do you think prednisone had anything to do with your OCD? You are the second person I know to have Crohn’s and depression, I have taken the drug in the past and…  [Read More]

An Expected Encounter With My Mother

by Bill Brenner August 11, 2011 Depression

I’m in my therapist’s office, going over the things he routinely asks about to make sure I’m playing with a full deck. He asks if I’ve talked to mom recently. No, I tell him. But, I expect to see her this weekend — the first time in two years. Mood music: He asks if I’m nervous about it. To my surprise as well as his, I tell him I’m not — and I actually mean…  [Read More]

I Am Absolutely Powerless

by Bill Brenner August 9, 2011 Addiction

Second in a series… Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over (insert addiction) — that our lives had become unmanageable. Mood music: I am powerless. Or, you could say, my addictions have absolute power over me. Even when sober and abstinent, they are right behind me, doing push-ups, waiting for my one reckless moment of weakness. Now that I know this, life is a lot better. I can do what I must to be well and I’m…  [Read More]

One Year Later: Missing Joe “Zippo” Kelley

by Bill Brenner August 8, 2011 Faith

Hard to believe, but it’s been a year since the death of Joe “Zippo” Kelley. I listened to Zippo Raid’s “Punk Is In Season” disc on the way home from work and smiled the whole time. In the year since he died, Joe has had a big impact on my own life. Here’s the second track on that CD, one of my favorites: I’ve gotten to know his awesome parents, Joe and Marie, and a lot…  [Read More]

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