It happens every time the calendar rolls into September. I start watching documentaries about 9-11-01 and can’t stop.
Mood music:
Most people do this in the days leading up to a 9-11 anniversary, but for me there’s the OCD element, where after I watch something I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ll forget the rest of the world exists and just replay the scenes in my head over and over again.
I’ve been like this for the last couple of days. Thanks to YouTube I can watch all these documentaries at will.
I’ll get this out of my system. All these little compulsions pass sooner or later. But I wanted to direct you to one documentary that is worth watching obsessively, because you can learn a lot about the goodness man is capable of. It’s a Discovery Channel documentary called “Inside The Twin Towers.”
Here’s part 1. If you start there, YouTube will play each 10-minute clip in order. There are 10 in all.
There’s a morbid aspect of the program where they show what it was probably like to be inside the towers as they collapsed. But this is mostly about people helping other people despite the risks to their own lives. You see a lot of strangers helping each other.
Once the haunting aspect of the documentary wears off, you’ll walk away feeling inspired.
And maybe — just maybe — you’ll realize that you are capable of great things, of touching a lot of people, regardless of your own personal demons.
Events like 9-11-01 are full of evil and sorrow. But, as Mister Rogers said in a show he did right after the attacks, the helpers ALWAYS come. Some are firefighters running up endless flights of stairs with 60 pounds of gear on their backs.
And some are stock traders who, when put in a certain place at a certain time, did something they were always meant to do.
God has a plan, alright. Sometimes it involves awful events. But it’s a plan that sorts the boys from the men, the girls from the women, and the good souls from the selfish and indifferent souls.
I am in a serious screwed up place these days. I know I can make it through and that it will take time and patience. You are a steady inspiration. You really are. Just wanted you to know.
One of my favorite movie lines is from one of my favorite movies, Excalibur, the wizard Merlin, after being jostled by Arthur’s knights (he wasn’t king yet), says “It is the doom of men that they forget.” It is important to remember and some events in our lives are so important, so shocking, that they continue to draw our attention.
Dad was killed on 9/11.
My God. I still can’t watch that without any tissues ready. I’m also obsessed with 9/11 but I don’t forget the world exists.
I can’t stop. Someday when my child is 4 or 5 years old, I will tell them about 9/11. No lies, just the truth.
I’m expecting a baby.
I was on search and rescue at the Pentagon. I think about it none stop still, and almost every night I am back inside the Pentagon.
I just want it all to go away. Currently seeing counseling… paying for it out of my own pocket. The sessions seem to help a little in dealing with/preparing for nightmares. It is what it is.
I really relate to what you said about being inspired by the heroism of 9/11. I am also obsessed with 9/11 and it is surprising to me. When the attacks occurred, I experienced the worst anxiety I’d ever experienced for months and had a resurgence of OCD behaviors (even though I live far from the east coast and never saw the news footage-I avoided it that day). For years I avoided all news, pictures etc so as not to trigger anxiety. Then one day a few years ago I began watching documentaries and news coverage from that day. It no longer gives me anxiety or triggers OCD behaviors. Instead, I find myself blown away by the stories of heroism. I am inspired by people who faced fear that day and rejected it to help others.
To Erick, my heart goes out to you, so much. You are not alone. WNYC did an amazing audio documentary on the 10 year anniversary where they profiled some responders who still deal with what you are dealing with each and every day. It breaks my heart that your PTSD treatment is coming out of your own pocket.
Thara, I am so sorry for your loss.
Obsession with death or mass death (such as 9/11); you’re watching the videos over and over again in the hopes that you’ll FEEL something. While many people discuss such events sentimentally (James Joyce wisely said that “sentiment is unearned emotion”), it sounds like you’re struggling to bridge the gap between electronic images and humanity. You should be glad that you’re able to face these images and bravely ask yourself, “How much do I honestly care about my fellow man?”
I am the same way – it’s why I googled this idea! I was 14 when 9/11 happened, and now I’m 30 and for some reason recently I can’t stop watching the videos, reading testimonials/survival stories, thinking about it, and I visited the 9/11 museum – I cried throughout it. I feel like I get haunted by the 911 calls, morbid details, and even what family and loved ones go through today still after having lost someone. I think I try to imagine what it was like (I agree with RM’s idea of bridging the gap with humanity), and I feel so bad for all the innocent victims. Anyways, it’s reassuring to hear I’m not the only one.
Thought I was the only one. How foolish of me. I used to watch 9/11 documentaries all the time. I told my gf about it and she helps to curb my mind. I still watch them sometimes, but not like I used to. I used to watch them every night for months. I think it has to do with magnitude of it and how everything intertwined. So so many aspects and stories. Idk, still trying to figure it out- it affects me so much.
Gosh. Here I am on 24 September 2017, googling ‘obsessed with 9/11’. Because I am. I watch everything I can, from The Falling Man, to The Flight that Fought Back. I just can’t stop thinking about 9/11. Especially Flight 93. I’m glad I’m not the only one.
Just like the last poster, I’m here because I googled ‘obsessed with 9/11’. I don’t have any other OCD symptoms or tendencies. Normally for me, it starts around the beginning of September and lasts until the end of the month. Last year (2016) was really bad – I would retreat into my room every evening, watch documentaries, and cry until it hurt. Sep 2017 almost went by unnoticed but I’m back thinking about it now.
I sometimes wonder if it’s linked at all to my dad’s death. He died in February 2001 – I was 14 / 15 at the time of my dad’s death / 9/11. That year definitely changed the world for me. Maybe I’m trying to grieve for my dad by grieving 9/11.
I have several OCD tendencies, most of which aren’t an emotional attachment that occupies my mind/time (needing tv or radio volume on an “even” number, tapping my finger to syllables while talking, etc). Feeling an overwhelming urge/attachment/obsession/interest with the events leading up to and surrounding Tuesday, September 11, 2001 isn’t explainable really…or even logical. I feel an especially intimate empathy for the victims who would have had time to realize in complete certainty that their lives were over and would never again be going home to see their family/friends/loved ones…The woman in the WTC who kept repeating, “I’m going to die aren’t I”…..The man climbing out to the ledge over 100 stories up to escape the apocalyptic hell going on a few inches from him, only to slip and begin a 10 second descent that was long enough for him to wonder why this unfair and permanent fate was chosen for him… The man on Flight 175 who was relaying the dire circumstances on his doomed flight to his Father who said, “Don’t worry, Dad, if it happens it will be real quick”…The Flight Attendant being held and tortured in the cockpit of United Flight 175 who repeated over and over again, “Please, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die”…The Flight Attendant on the phone with the American Airlines Operations Center in the ground in Ft Worth, TX who began relaying the seat #’s of the terrorists in control of her flight (and her life) who’s chilling assessment, “We’re all over the place, I see buildings, I see water, we’re flying low, we’re flying really low, we’re flying way too low, Oh my God,” foretold the helplessness and fear of those on board just moments before their lives ended instantly in a ball of fire in Lower Manhattan, 2,000 miles away from their intended destination in Northern California.
Omg I’m so glad it’s not just me. I graduated high school the year that it happened and I was very aware that day but for some reason now that I’m 35 in the past few years leading up to now – I have been completely obsessed. Mainly realizing the GRAVITY and disbelief that it happened. I don’t think there’s a documentary I haven’t seen at this point. I think about the victims all the time. It actually helps me regroup when I’m having a moment of self – pity or a bad day: I tell myself “No matter what you’re going through, NOTHING going on with you right now, could be worse than the feeling of being in one of those airplane seats, or at the edge of the WTC contemplating when to jump. Any of those people would love to have the problem you have right now, instead of the problem they had that day.” It always works too. Here’s a list for anyone who wants unbiased information about that day. These are what I consider 5 star viewing; the best documentaries.
Oh, also, I am completely intolerant and I avoid any “9/11 Truther” based videos. What a dishonor it is to the people we lost that horrible day.
1. National Geographic: Inside 9/11 (Parts 1 and 2)
2. 102 Minutes That Changed the World
3. A Tale of Two Towers (hard to find but on YouTube)
4. Naudet Brothers documentary (they accidentally documented 9/11)
5. Inside the Twin Towers
I was ten when it happened , I remember being sent home early from school and asking my grandmother what movie was she looking at with buildings falling and she replied “this is not a movie ,this is real life”! From that moment on my life changed ,the internet became my best friend, I tortured myself with haunting images of splattered bodies and stories of people who survived the attacks and bought every 9/11 book there was as I could not come to terms as to why all these innocent people had to lose their lives in such a horrible manner. Out of all the fatalities , Melissa Doi and Denease Conley stuck with me , there is a video with Denease opening the door for the firefighters to enter the WTC not knowing that in just a few minutes, they would all be dead , and Melissa, you can hear her pleading on the phone for help as she suffered from the heat on her floor, she asked “I’m going to die ,aren’t I’?
I now work exactly opposite the WTC and it haunts me even more now that I can look out my window and see the exact area where so many people lost their lives 18 years ago.
I wasn’t alive for this tragic day like most of you, I was born 2 months later. For some reason 9/11 has always fascinated me. I think its because of how much it really changed our lives today. I have grown up in a world full of terrorism. From 9/11 to all the school shootings, I have slowly come to realize this world is a dangerous place and things like this happen when you least expect. 9/11 started as a normal day for everyone there in New York and then all of a sudden America was changed forever. I think this day makes me truly appreciate how lucky I am to have not experienced something so traumatic like this. Because really we don’t know when our time is up, or when terror will strike. It is saddening to me that this is what the world has become. Any normal day can quickly turn to your last at the blink of an eye. In middle school I remember being obsessed with 9/11 during September. I hate that this happened, but I admire the heroism that was shown on this day. I think that’s why I find it so fascinating. There were workers who easily could’ve made it out alive, but they chose the lives of others over there own. That is amazing to me. It makes me want to be like those heroes when times are at there darkest. If I ever experience something traumatic like this, I hope that I will remember the heroes on this day and be like them. Knowing I saved a life of one person would make my life worth it.
I’m having trouble keeping it together reading these comments. I finally feel understood, when I can’t even completely understand my “obsession” with this event myself. Thank you all so, so much. I wish there was a subreddit or discord for us. Especially with September right around the corner. 19th anniversary….I can’t wrap my head around it and feel myself starting to spiral.
I like so many of you also Googled “obsessed with 9/11” I never gave it much thought, just always thinking “oh yeah thats when the buildings fell.” I never attached the humanity to it or really registered the nearly 3000 deaths.
I was in the 3rd grade when 9/11 took place and I think I was sheltered from the reality. But last year in 2019 I found myself watching video after video about it and I finally got it. I cried so much and couldn’t believe something so horrible happened to those people and our country.
Its now September 2020 and the past few days I find myself again rewatching all the videos I can and listening to survivors. I dont why it took 19 years for this event to finally sink in with me. But it did. Bless all the souls who were lost.
I think the parts that stick with me and haunt me the most is some of the stuff that doesn’t get spoken of as much- like how the buildings disintegrated after such a short period of time and whether there was anything else beyond the planes that might have caused it.
It’s inexcusable to me how no one tested for anything beyond the planes being the reason the buildings fell. And you have rumors from people about mini-nukes in the basement of each tower (Khazlov) to Heinz Pommer claiming the plane impact allowed a slow-fusion of each building to kick in, to Judy Wood and direct energy weapons, to A&E for 9/11 truth, to the dancing israelis, to ACE Elevator company and their renovations in 2000, to the Gelitin Group that lived in the north tower etc, etc, etc.
I wish the 9/11 commission put all of these theories to bed during their review but they didn’t address any of them. It feels incomplete to me.
I wasn’t born until 2004 and I didn’t even know about 9/11 until I was probably around 12 years old. After I learned about it, every anniversary I became obsessed with it. I couldn’t stop watching documentaries about it; they made me so sad that I just felt empty for days. This year, I learned even more horrible and gruesome things about 9/11 that shocked me so much that I wanted to die. (Tragic events can sometimes make me feel like life is pointless and that the world is too terrible to live on.) I’ve been thinking about it so much that it’s making me forget about the present moment. Once I start thinking about 9/11, I feel so stuck that I feel like it’s impossible for me to continue on with my day and do or think about anything else. It’s making my personal problems feel so little because they’re nowhere near as horrific as what happened that day. Recently it has made me feel so numb that I don’t feel anxious about some things in my life that I usually get anxious about. Every time I see the year 2001 or hear anyone say it, all I can think about is 9/11. If I see or hear years that are close to 2001, all I can think is, “That was only so and so years before or after 9/11.” For some reason I see the time 9:11 AM/PM a lot, and all I can think of is 9/11. I feel like I’m the only person in my family who thinks about that day as much as I do and the only teenager in the world who gets so obsessed with it. I feel like no other person who was born after 2001 thinks about it as much as I do. I can’t stop thinking about 9/11 only on the day of the anniversary and a few days or weeks after because that’s usually when I watch things about it. Sometimes I’ll watch videos about it on days nowhere near the anniversary. I’m very reluctant to watch videos about 9/11 because I know I’ll be pulled into only thoughts about 9/11 and it’ll be really hard for me to get out of it.