Coping tools

The Long Road Through Self-Hatred

by Bill Brenner March 13, 2010 Addiction

The author has learned that it’s damn hard to like yourself at the beginning of sobriety and abstinence. The feeling will pass. Eventually. Mood music: A friend and fellow 12-Stepper just hit a major milestone in her recovery: 90 days of abstinence. In the world of compulsive overeating, think of this as 90 days of back-to-back sobriety. She worked hard for this and has every reason to be bursting with joy. Yet she’s uneasy. She…  [Read More]

Portable Recovery

by Bill Brenner March 8, 2010 Addiction

Though addiction will follow the junkie anywhere in the world, the author has discovered that recovery is just as portable. Mood Music for this post: “Turn the Page” — the Metallica version: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOibtqWo6z4&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I’ve seen interview after interview where musicians describe their drug habits and how being on the road made them so much worse. One of the best examples was Motley Crue on the Girls Girls Girls tour, where the four band members’ addictions…  [Read More]

Friends Who Help You Heal

by Bill Brenner February 28, 2010 Coping tools

The following was written one winter in a moment of absolute clarity. Mood  music: [spotify:track:27xIf7tzHPQFX068pFYlAh] Today was sunny and warm in San Francisco. After the never-ending winter back home, I got what I needed today: A walk all over the city with my good friend, Rob Westervelt. We started by walking along Fisherman’s Wharf, then Golden Gate Park and covered a lot of ground in between. It brought back memories of when I came here…  [Read More]

Outing Myself

by Bill Brenner February 22, 2010 Adventures in writing

The author on why he chose to “out” himself despite what other people might think. Mood music: [spotify:track:1Qdnvn4XlmZANCVy3XjrQo] A couple friends have asked why I “outed myself” in this blog. Wasn’t I afraid people would blackball me at work? Don’t I worry that I’ll be defined by my struggle with OCD above all else? It’s a fair question. First, let’s get the notion of “courage” and “bravery” off the table. Some have used those words…  [Read More]

Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely

by Bill Brenner February 14, 2010 Faith

The author goes to Church and comes away with a strange feeling. Mood music for this post: “Faith.” The Limp Bizkit version: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpPM-5TJIZ0&hl=en_US&fs=1&] Yesterday at All Saints Parish Father Michael Harvey delivered one of those Homilies that sent my mind and soul all over the map. I like Father Harvey. I wasn’t sure about him at first. He had the massive shoes of Father Mark Ballard to fill, so the deck was stacked against him…  [Read More]

OCD Diaries: The Office Mom

by Bill Brenner February 9, 2010 Coping tools

The author salutes Anne Saita, a former co-worker who showed me how to stand up to people and face down my fears — and whose blog is a must-read. I’ve been reading the blog Run DMZ a lot lately.The main reason is that it’s chock full of excellent content on how to eat and exercise properly. The other reason is that the author is someone near and dear to me: Anne Saita, my former boss…  [Read More]

Sobriety vs. Abstinence

by Bill Brenner February 8, 2010 Addiction

Whenever I share my experiences with OCD and the related binge-eating disorder [See: The Most Uncool Addiction], there’s a word I always refrain from using if I’m outside the safe confines of my OA group: Abstinence. I don’t hate the word. But I don’t like it much, either. All anyone ever thinks about when it’s uttered is refraining from sex or studying for the Catholic priesthood. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I am…  [Read More]

Rest Re-defined

by Bill Brenner February 2, 2010 Fear and anxiety

The author finds that he gets the most relaxation from the things he once feared the most. Mood music  A strange thing happened to me on the way to recovery: I started finding peace and relaxation in the very things that used to fill me with fear and spark anxiety attacks. [See Fear Factor] It used to be that relaxing meant holing myself up in the bedroom watching endless episodes of Star Trek. I watched…  [Read More]

Rat in the Church Pew

by Bill Brenner January 24, 2010 Faith

The author has written much about his Faith as a key to overcoming mental illness. But as this post illustrates, he still has a long way to go in his spiritual development. The scene is the parking lot of All Saints Parish, just after today’s 9:30 Mass. Father Mike Harvey greets the Brenners and the conversation somehow turns to the kids listening to their mother and father. Father Harvey: Remember kids, if your mother asks…  [Read More]

Have Fun With Your Therapist (A.K.A.: The Shrink Stigma)

by Bill Brenner January 20, 2010 Addiction

Mental-illness sufferers often avoid therapists because the stigma around these “shrinks” is as thick as that of the disease. The author is here to explain why you shouldn’t fear them. Mood music for this post: “Just Another Psycho” by Motley Crue: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ko23M-4AAbg&hl=en_US&fs=1&] It’s a funny thing when I talk to people suffering from depression, addiction and other troubles of the mind. Folks seem more comfortable about the idea of pills than in seeing a therapist….  [Read More]

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