Growing pains

Scenes from the Airport

by Bill Brenner April 8, 2010 For travelers

The author finds airport amusement where he once found hell. Here’s what happens. Mood music for this post: “Learn to Fly” by Foo Fighters: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1VQ_3sBZEm0&hl=en_US&fs=1&] I sit here at 6:23 a.m. San Francisco time, sitting at the gate for a flight home in an hour. Considering what I just passed through, I got here pretty quickly and calmly. Let’s back up. When I got here, the TSA line was as long as I’ve ever seen….  [Read More]

The Long Road Through Self-Hatred

by Bill Brenner March 13, 2010 Addiction

The author has learned that it’s damn hard to like yourself at the beginning of sobriety and abstinence. The feeling will pass. Eventually. Mood music: A friend and fellow 12-Stepper just hit a major milestone in her recovery: 90 days of abstinence. In the world of compulsive overeating, think of this as 90 days of back-to-back sobriety. She worked hard for this and has every reason to be bursting with joy. Yet she’s uneasy. She…  [Read More]

Outing Myself

by Bill Brenner February 22, 2010 Adventures in writing

The author on why he chose to “out” himself despite what other people might think. Mood music: [spotify:track:1Qdnvn4XlmZANCVy3XjrQo] A couple friends have asked why I “outed myself” in this blog. Wasn’t I afraid people would blackball me at work? Don’t I worry that I’ll be defined by my struggle with OCD above all else? It’s a fair question. First, let’s get the notion of “courage” and “bravery” off the table. Some have used those words…  [Read More]

Another Reason Addiction-Depression Stinks

by Bill Brenner February 20, 2010 Addiction

I’ve mentioned before that one of the inspirations for this blog was a book called “The Heroin Diaries” by Nixxi Sixx, bass player and lyricist for Motley Crue. It’s a book of diary entries he wrote from late 1986 to late 1987, at the time the “Girls Girls Girls” album was recorded and the band toured the world to support it. At the time, he was in the tight clutches of a heroin addiction that…  [Read More]

Addicted to Feeling Good: A Love-Hate Story

by Bill Brenner February 17, 2010 Addiction

Every now and then, it’s useful to look back at who I used to be so I can appreciate who I am today. I do it partly to laugh at how — in many ways, despite the progress I’ve made — I can still be as stupid in adulthood as I was 20-plus years ago. As I write this we’re halfway through Lent — a time to sacrifice habits you love — or, in my case,…  [Read More]

What Kind of Day It Has Been

by Bill Brenner February 16, 2010 Addiction

The author’s day has not gone as planned. He’s OK with that, though he wasn’t always. Mood music for this post: “Adrift And At Peace” from NIN: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMnv8zrmAyU&hl=en_US&fs=1&] This day has not gone as planned. I wanted to be in the office today plowing through some work. But another winter storm forced me to work from home. Some would say it’s great I can do that, and it is. But when there’s a lot on…  [Read More]

In Defense of Patrick Kennedy

by Bill Brenner February 13, 2010 Addiction

The youngest son of Edward M. Kennedy has often been criticized as a lightweight Congressman who gets away with things other people would get arrested for. But the author salutes him anyway. Here’s why. Patrick Kennedy, the youngest child of the late Sen. Edward M. Kennedy, announced yesterday that he won’t be running for re-election to the Congressional seat he has held since 1995. Some will tell you it’s just as well. The Congressman, after…  [Read More]

When Pain Drips from the Mind to the Body

by Bill Brenner February 12, 2010 Depression

The author on why it’s true that mental illness leads to physical sickness. Mood music: [spotify:track:24PttQAgkYLdpR4TOgdV4C] I’ve heard a lot of people argue over whether this person’s or that person’s aches and pains were “all in their head.” You know the types: Never any real underlying disease, but they’re always calling out of work with a headache or some intestinal discomfort. It’s all in their head, you say? Well, yeah. It’s called psychosomatic illness, when…  [Read More]

OCD Diaries: The Office Mom

by Bill Brenner February 9, 2010 Coping tools

The author salutes Anne Saita, a former co-worker who showed me how to stand up to people and face down my fears — and whose blog is a must-read. I’ve been reading the blog Run DMZ a lot lately.The main reason is that it’s chock full of excellent content on how to eat and exercise properly. The other reason is that the author is someone near and dear to me: Anne Saita, my former boss…  [Read More]

Sobriety vs. Abstinence

by Bill Brenner February 8, 2010 Addiction

Whenever I share my experiences with OCD and the related binge-eating disorder [See: The Most Uncool Addiction], there’s a word I always refrain from using if I’m outside the safe confines of my OA group: Abstinence. I don’t hate the word. But I don’t like it much, either. All anyone ever thinks about when it’s uttered is refraining from sex or studying for the Catholic priesthood. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I am…  [Read More]

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