Growing pains

Rest Re-defined

by Bill Brenner February 2, 2010 Fear and anxiety

The author finds that he gets the most relaxation from the things he once feared the most. Mood music  A strange thing happened to me on the way to recovery: I started finding peace and relaxation in the very things that used to fill me with fear and spark anxiety attacks. [See Fear Factor] It used to be that relaxing meant holing myself up in the bedroom watching endless episodes of Star Trek. I watched…  [Read More]

Rat in the Church Pew

by Bill Brenner January 24, 2010 Faith

The author has written much about his Faith as a key to overcoming mental illness. But as this post illustrates, he still has a long way to go in his spiritual development. The scene is the parking lot of All Saints Parish, just after today’s 9:30 Mass. Father Mike Harvey greets the Brenners and the conversation somehow turns to the kids listening to their mother and father. Father Harvey: Remember kids, if your mother asks…  [Read More]

Have Fun With Your Therapist (A.K.A.: The Shrink Stigma)

by Bill Brenner January 20, 2010 Addiction

Mental-illness sufferers often avoid therapists because the stigma around these “shrinks” is as thick as that of the disease. The author is here to explain why you shouldn’t fear them. Mood music for this post: “Just Another Psycho” by Motley Crue: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ko23M-4AAbg&hl=en_US&fs=1&] It’s a funny thing when I talk to people suffering from depression, addiction and other troubles of the mind. Folks seem more comfortable about the idea of pills than in seeing a therapist….  [Read More]

Courage in the Crosshairs

by Bill Brenner January 19, 2010 Courage

The author has been thinking a lot about courage lately. Some have told him it takes courage to write about his OCD battles. He thinks it’s more about being tired of running. Over the weekend, I got this e-mail from an associate in the IT security industry I write about for a living: “I’ve been reading your OCD diaries lately. This is perhaps one of the most courageous blogs on the planet and the work…  [Read More]

The Mood Swing

by Bill Brenner January 15, 2010 Depression

Back in the day, when I was throwing parties in the basement of my house in Revere, Mass., I would reach a certain level of intoxication around 2 a.m. where I’d freeze in place, yell “mood swing!” and throw candy and other food items around the room. People seemed to enjoy it, so I kept doing it. Even then, the ego was there. Looking back, I now know that those mood swings, which were real,…  [Read More]

How To Play Addiction Like A Piano

by Bill Brenner January 6, 2010 Addiction

The author admits that when an obsessive-compulsive person puts down the addiction that’s most self-destructive, a few smaller addictions rise up to fill the void. But what happens when the money runs out? Mood music: I hear it from addicts all the time. They put down the thing that’s caused the most chaos and heartache in their lives, but then they find themselves latching onto smaller addictions to fill the hole. Chain smoking, for example….  [Read More]

Growing Pains

by Bill Brenner January 3, 2010 Depression

Despite all the progress I’ve made in managing OCD, there are still times where I forget to use my skills — momentarily, at least. This morning is a good example. I woke up depressed. Two hours later I was angry. Maybe I was getting tired of the winter outside my window. Maybe I was just plain tired. I was snapping at Erin and the children. I realized I was letting the crazy side loose and…  [Read More]

Welcome to Hell

by Bill Brenner January 3, 2010 Grief management

OK, not my own personal hell. I’ve already gone on at length about that, and while I have my good days and bad days like everyone else, I think it’s safe to say that I found my way out of my personal Hell a long time ago. But when I see other people going through theirs, it still hits me. Some of it is the old fear of loss I mentioned earlier. Some of it…  [Read More]

Prozac Winter

by Bill Brenner January 2, 2010 Depression

The author discovers that winter makes his depression worse and that there’s a purely scientific explanation — and solution. My therapist and I recently agreed that my Prozac intake should go up a bit for the duration of the winter. I’m doing well for the most part, but there’s a three-hour window of each day — usually late afternoon — where my mood slides straight into the crapper. The reason is simple: People who suffer…  [Read More]

Scaring the People in Your Life

by Bill Brenner December 28, 2009 Love

The author is hearing from a lot of old friends shocked to read about his past. Thing is, basket cases are good at hiding their craziness in public. To most of my family, the stories I tell in previous posts aren’t all that surprising. They were there. My in-laws may not have known everything that was going on back in the day, but they saw my quirks. Mood music: [spotify:track:78iMIaSjeVlUoNa7rehPOU] Even at work, my quirks…  [Read More]

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