Bill Brenner

Spitting in the Eye of Hurricane Earl

by Bill Brenner September 3, 2010 Fear and anxiety

I used to be terrified of hurricanes. The fear and anxiety in me would latch onto these storms like Crazy Glue. Yet with Hurricane Earl approaching New England, I’m feeling strangely apathetic. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGfKi6kpdTQ&fs=1&hl=en_US] Maybe it’s because I don’t live on the coast anymore. In Haverhill, we’re not expecting much from Earl. Some of it is definitely because a lot of the storm-driven fear left me when I brought the OCD under control. Let’s…  [Read More]

The Clarence Syndrome

by Bill Brenner September 2, 2010 Addiction

Sometimes God puts certain people in your life to show you how you’re screwing up and how to fix it. Sometimes, these guardian angels are disguised as people who need YOUR help. This post is about one such man. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyb7dt9nz_g&fs=1&hl=en_US] In 12-Step programs anonymity is a big deal, especially in OA, because there’s an extra level of awkwardness that comes with being a binge-eating addict. So I’m changing this friend’s name to Dan….  [Read More]

Discriminating Against Head Cases

by Bill Brenner September 1, 2010 Communication Skills

I’ve seen plenty of examples of failed justice in my day: A judge letting an abusive dirt-bag dad get unsupervised weekend visits just because he reappeared after a few years. A thrice convicted pedophile being let back out on the streets. I never expected to hear about the court discriminating against someone for having OCD. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PI3RneGO_ks&fs=1&hl=en_US] I usually try not to write posts in response to comments that flow into this blog. I…  [Read More]

Dreading the Darkness

by Bill Brenner August 31, 2010 Depression

It’s 5:12 a.m. on Aug. 31, and it’s still dark outside. I already miss the 4:30 a.m. daylight of a couple months ago. Looks like my anti-depression experiment is underway. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PntIAwAe20M&fs=1&hl=en_US] I’ve mentioned before that the fall and winter are usually periods of depression for me. There are two reasons. The first is that some ugly things have happened to me in previous winters. But the bigger reason is that the hours of…  [Read More]

In God’s Hands: My Search for Redemption

by Bill Brenner August 30, 2010 Faith

Some people don’t like to discuss religion. I can’t avoid it. It’s central to my recovery from OCD and addiction. These posts are about my struggle to find a moral compass and learn to “let go and let God.” Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFjz6O7ewwg&fs=1&hl=en_US] The Better Angels of My Nature How a Jew became a Catholic, and what it has to do with overcoming mental illness and addiction. http://www.theocddiaries.com/2009/12/18/ocd-diaries-12-18-the-better-angels-of-my-nature/ Forgiveness is a Bitch Seeking and giving forgiveness is…  [Read More]

More Bullshit About Mental Illness

by Bill Brenner August 30, 2010 Communication Skills

Every once in awhile I read something on mental illness that sends my blood boiling. Please indulge me while I rant about one such item. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPfkK7bcyfE&fs=1&hl=en_US] I recently tripped across a website called HeretoHelp, a project of the BC Partners for Mental Health and Addictions Information. It’s a great resource for people like me who are recovering from mental illness and addictive behavior. It’s chock full of articles from medical professionals and people…  [Read More]

Wasted Worry

by Bill Brenner August 29, 2010 Mental disorders

I’ve spent many years worrying — assuming, really — that various people hated me for some of the things I’ve done. This year, I’ve been realizing what a waste of worry it’s been. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FPBi9N9hNc&fs=1&hl=en_US] By definition — my definition, anyway — OCD is worry out of control. You worry about all kinds of things beyond your control while failing to do something about the few things that you can control. Along the way,…  [Read More]

Summer of 1990

by Bill Brenner August 28, 2010 Depression

I’m not sure why, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the summer of 1990. That was a rough summer with a serious streak of depression. And yet thinking about it takes me to a happy place. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0z6ATxLk8Q&fs=1&hl=en_US] I’ve had to do a lot of digging into my past as part of my therapy and recovery from OCD. Sometimes I see it as a waste of time, since you can’t change the…  [Read More]

Another Unsettling Truth About Facebook

by Bill Brenner August 27, 2010 Communication Skills

My friend Linda noted that I changed the settings on my Facebook page to allow wall comments. It amused her because it was my birthday. She knows me well. Truth is, I wanted to see the birthday messages. Here’s the uncomfortable thing that says about me… Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxeFCaEx3w0&fs=1&hl=en_US] I suffer from an inflated ego. It’s a side-effect of where I’ve been. I have this odd fear of being forgotten. And I didn’t want to…  [Read More]

40: The New 20

by Bill Brenner August 26, 2010 Gratitude

A lot of people get depressed on their birthday. Not me. The fact that I turn 40 today is almost a freak of nature. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vVXIK1xCRpY&fs=1&hl=en_US] When I was sick with the Crohn’s Disease as a kid, I lost a lot of blood and developed several side ailments. I’m told by my parents that the doctor’s were going to remove the colon more than once. It didn’t happen. They tell me I was closing…  [Read More]

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