Bill Brenner

We Need Routines

by Bill Brenner August 16, 2010 Gratitude

Being the restless, boredom-shunning soul that I am, I always look forward to the next trip. But today I’m back to a more mundane routine, and I couldn’t be happier. As great as it is to bust out of the norm from time to time, we need our routines. Especially me. Mood music for this post: “Back in The Saddle” by Aerosmith: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDKxUt9UkmU For starters, a routine is vital for someone in recovery from addiction…  [Read More]

The Trouble With Wanting It All

by Bill Brenner August 15, 2010 Addiction

Ever since I got over my fear and anxiety I’ve had a bottomless appetite to do it all. I want to travel everywhere. I want to see everything. And I want to participate in as many events as possible. Sometimes that gets me in trouble. Here’s an example. Mood music: “Serve the Servants” by Nirvana: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aztw2s3PZzY Columbus Day Weekend there are two events I badly want to be a part of. One is something my security…  [Read More]

Facebook ‘Un-friend’ Syndrome

by Bill Brenner August 13, 2010 Communication Skills

My OCD has found something new to zero in on: The Facebook friend count. Ridiculous, you say? Of course. But having OCD is all about worrying about ridiculous things. Mood music: http://youtu.be/LCidbyHPvyw My current Facebook friend count is 1,169. (Author’s note: the current count is 2,016) That may seem like a freakishly high number, but it makes sense when you consider that those connections are a broad mix of family, friends, associates in the security…  [Read More]

Dirty and Fried

by Bill Brenner August 12, 2010 Fear and anxiety

It’s been an eventful week and I am close to fried. But before I collapse, I have many hours of travel ahead. As daunting as that may seem, I’m feeling a strange sort of satisfaction this morning. Rough as this has been, I accomplished a lot. I got four articles out of the conferences I attended — one extra than planned, thanks to the Secret Service. I got to spend time with our cousins, who…  [Read More]

Anatomy of a Near-Binge

by Bill Brenner August 11, 2010 Addiction

A few weeks ago I described a day in the life of a compulsive binge eater. Here’s the sequel. Even in recovery, the demon is constantly breathing down your neck. But you don’t have to let him win. Mood music: “Starve” by the Henry Rollins Band: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLvsnkQtZLI&hl=en_US&fs=1] 4 a.m.: Wake up in a hotel room, grab some coffee and start typing away on the computer. Congratulate yourself for nearly two years of abstinence from binge…  [Read More]

High Drama: The New Normal

by Bill Brenner August 10, 2010 Communication Skills

I’ve had a couple of high-drama days, as readers have figured out by now. The 14-hour drive across six states. The grilling by Secret Service cops in Washington D.C. I’m hoping for a lot less drama. But that may not be easy. Drama clings to my type of personality like a sweaty shirt. Mood music: “You’re Crazy” by Guns N Roses: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vM2KI0Fs-fI&hl=en_US&fs=1] Here’s the thing: When you have a mental condition — OCD, in my…  [Read More]

A New Jersey State of Rage

by Bill Brenner August 8, 2010 For travelers

It’s been one of those days: Six states in 14 hours. The plan was to do it in nine. Then I took a wrong turn in New Jersey.  It was the second anger management test I had in a week. I guess I passed. But for a few hours I seriously considered diving off the wagon head first. Mood music:  http://youtu.be/2spuprrj4Pg The drive was going well enough. We made it to New Jersey in record…  [Read More]

God and Metal

by Bill Brenner August 7, 2010 Coping tools

Those who read this blog know two things by now: I’m a devout Catholic, and I have a passion for Metal music. Both have played a central role in my recovery from OCD and addiction. But the spiritual part has been getting the shaft lately. I’ve been leaning hard on the metal lately. Earlier I spent two hours burning the most searing music in my iTunes library onto discs for tomorrow’s 12-hour trip south. I’m…  [Read More]

Saturday Morning Sanity Check

by Bill Brenner August 7, 2010 For travelers

Didn’t get up until 6 a.m., which for me is sleeping in. Kids came in the room, dragged me out of bed and down the stairs to the living room. Poured myself into the chair and used the kids as a blanket. It got cold overnight. They make good blankets. Got out of the chair after an hour and grabbed a Red Bull. Now I’m listening to this while blogging: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=irskrVvKR1E&hl=en_US&fs=1] Gotta pack for the…  [Read More]

How the Recluse Became a Road Rat

by Bill Brenner August 6, 2010 For travelers

Since my OCD and anxiety used to make me deathly afraid of travel, it’s kind of weird that I do so much of it now without giving it much thought. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A47HVhzF6No&hl=en_US&fs=1] This time, me, the wife and kids are driving down to the D.C. area. Not a White House tour like we had a couple months ago, but good times all the same. The family will stay with relatives in southern Maryland for…  [Read More]

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