Depression

I Have A Bad Attitude

by Bill Brenner February 15, 2011 Depression

Last night, as I was walking around to different events in San Francisco, a dark mood came over me. My perception of everything went negative and my tolerance of people evaporated. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UW8UlY8eXCk&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] I chalked it up to a serious lack of sleep. I’m still pretty sure that’s what it is. I didn’t pay attention to the three-hour time change when I got here Sunday and, as the clock approached midnight west coast time,…  [Read More]

Snake on the Plane

by Bill Brenner February 12, 2011 Addiction

Tomorrow I get on another plane to another city — this time San Francisco. It’s time to go cover the RSA and B-Sides security events. I used to be a raving lunatic the day before a flight. Not anymore. Still, I feel uneasy this morning. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwzGvMwO-yg&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] My mind has been raw all week for a multitude of reasons. Mostly, it’s a case of winter getting to me. The sun is setting later each…  [Read More]

1984 (And Other Bad Years)

by Bill Brenner February 9, 2011 Depression

Editor’s note: An acquaintance  on Facebook mentioned how August is always a shitty month for her because of something that happened in that month a few years ago. I get that way about August, too, though time has healed wounds. For me, though, I’ve had to get over judging my life by certain years rather than certain months. This post, written in early 2011, is about that.  I’m thinking of all the shitty things that…  [Read More]

Snow in The Wound

by Bill Brenner February 1, 2011 Coping tools

There’s something about living through one or two big snowstorms a week that puts your anti-depressant medication to the test. Let’s see how I’m doing on this one… Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foSkPjvuRv0&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] Like many of my fellow New Englanders, I’m getting pretty tired of all this winter weather. There’s nowhere to put the stuff anymore, and there’s the constant worry of one of these storms fucking up my travel plans. I got a wave of depression…  [Read More]

Coming Down The Mountain

by Bill Brenner January 30, 2011 Depression

So here I am, back in my favorite living room chair, the kids playing with Legos in front of me. I missed these guys and I missed Erin. It’s good to be home. Too bad I’m feeling down. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mm2Z9Mr9Ilw&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] It’s not my family’s fault. I get this way after traveling sometimes. The ShmooCon conference was terrific and it was good to see a lot of security friends. But I also pushed myself to…  [Read More]

Depressed But OK With It

by Bill Brenner January 28, 2011 Coping tools

Actually, I’m not going through a wave of depression right now. But it does come and go and I’ve had to learn how to be OK with it. A new friend who found this blog told me she’s struggling with the concept. This post is directed toward her. It’s my attempt to answer some questions she asked me about it. Mood music: [spotify:track:3p7XSsT6AFs9lCkv6FtLbj] You mentioned that you have frequent bouts of depression medication and therapy…  [Read More]

Dan Waters of Revere, Mass.

by Bill Brenner January 16, 2011 Depression

Seeing The Neighborhoods perform at the Joe “Zippo” Kelley benefit last night reminded me of my old friend Danny Waters. He shared in many of the adventures — good and bad — of my youth. Mood music: It was Sean Marley who introduced me to Dan. It was 1986 and I dropped in on the Marley residence (2 doors down from me) on a Sunday morning. Sean and Dan had been up late the night…  [Read More]

Message for a Young Friend

by Bill Brenner January 13, 2011 Children's issues

Two old friends have a son who’s been through the meat grinder too many times in his 12 short years. Some think he should settle in for a lesser life than he’s capable of. I say bullshit. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6a9WmfFKs8&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999] My young friend’s name is Mark. He lives in a city on the North Shore of Massachusetts. That’s all I’ll reveal about his identity. But his parents will know this is for him and will…  [Read More]

A World Without Facebook

by Bill Brenner January 12, 2011 Addiction

A few days ago, rumors wafted around the Internet about Facebook shutting down in mid-March. Panic ensued, illustrating just how addictive this thing has become. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mm7KUQ_uXK0&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999] Call me nuts (well, I am a little nuts). But as a guy who’s recovering from a runaway addiction, I know it when I see it. And since an addict is forever playing a frustrating game of whack-a-mole, I admit the thought of Facebook going away panicked…  [Read More]

It Hurt Badly. Therefore, It Was Good

by Bill Brenner January 9, 2011 Depression

My cherished pal Penny Morang Richards made this comment to my “Death of a Sibling” post Friday: “It has to hurt. That’s how you know it was good.” Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPmtiLeMMow&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999] She said it in response to my concluding thoughts: I’ve learned that life is a gift to be cherished and used wisely. I’ve also learned that it hurts sometimes. That’s OK. She knows exactly what she’s talking about. Go read the past year of entries in her…  [Read More]

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