Depression

Death of a Sibling

by Bill Brenner January 7, 2011 Children's issues

Twenty-seven years ago today, my brother, Michael S. Brenner, died of an asthma attack at age 17. I can’t blame his death on the demons I’d battle in the years that followed. But it left deep scars all the same. Mood music: I think the end came for him at 8:20 p.m., though I could be mistaken. That day a trend began where I would befriend people a few years older than me. A couple…  [Read More]

Am I Too Hard on Myself?

by Bill Brenner January 5, 2011 Addiction

A friend asked that question yesterday. I’ve certainly been accused of being too hard on myself before. My step-mother reads this blog and told me I should give myself a break. Steve Lambert, former editor of The Eagle-Tribune, said I was too hard on myself when I wrote the “One of My Biggest Regrets” post. Mood music: [spotify:track:0OXjHxbrmrkpvqudvzWlDR] The short answer is that sometimes I am, most of the time I’m not. When I was…  [Read More]

The Hole in Your Soul

by Bill Brenner January 3, 2011 Addiction

A lot of changes to my program of sobriety and abstinence are under way, and I feel like I’m running on nuclear power. Last night was my first Big Book Step Study meeting, which is quite different from the speaker-discussion meetings I’m used to. It only took me a few seconds to realize why I had to be there. Mood music: A lot of times when someone sobers up or stops binge eating, it’s a…  [Read More]

Midwest Center for Fraud & Bullshit

by Bill Brenner January 2, 2011 Addiction

Cleaning out the trunk of my car yesterday, I came across a stack of cassette tapes from a period in my life when I was so desperate I’d spend stupid sums of money on anything to remove my fear and anxiety. These tapes were part of a program that cost me some $450. Each tape, sold by the Midwest Center for Stress & Anxiety, is designed to help people learn the skills to defeat anxiety and…  [Read More]

From Confusion to Wisdom

by Bill Brenner December 26, 2010 Communication Skills

I’ve crashed many times while blasting down the road of life. The car is in one piece now and I’ve learned to throttle back some. And when I hear the following words of wisdom, I KNOW it’s the truth: Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=agn4y-M1rjA&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] ACCEPTANCE ?”Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting it to kill someone else.” – Matt Baldwin, Snow Rising (thanks, Cheryl Snapp Conner, for pointing this one out. “People are like stained glass…  [Read More]

The Christmas Dispirit

by Bill Brenner December 14, 2010 Depression

Yesterday was a day for vicious mood swings. It started on a high note at work. I got a lot done and I’m loving this new newsy focus we’re transitioning to. But by the drive home, my mood grew as dark as the sky. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIaXYIEQivk&fs=1&hl=en_US] Things got progressively worse at home. Sean and Duncan were high maintenance and I let it get to me much more than I usually do. I started thinking…  [Read More]

Christmas Doesn’t Suck Like It Used To

by Bill Brenner December 8, 2010 Depression

The Christmas season remains an uncomfortable time of year for me. I’m used to going into a deep depression the second December starts. But something’s different this year. For the first time in a long time, I’m not dreading it. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GNtipSggWY&fs=1&hl=en_US] Life isn’t perfect. It never will be. Not supposed to be. But I’m finally starting to move past the idea that Christmas is supposed to always be perfect, sparkling and free of…  [Read More]

Bullied Minds, Bad Choices

by Bill Brenner November 30, 2010 Addiction

I’m quite taken with this Boston Globe article about the long-term impact of bullying. There’s some truth to the conclusions, but also a lot of bullshit. Mood music: [spotify:track:0xwK8KzT8gFa7f4MsYYpQu] Of the new research, the Globe article says the following: A new wave of research into bullying’s effects … is now suggesting … that in fact, bullying can leave an indelible imprint on a teen’s brain at a time when it is still growing and developing….  [Read More]

The Bullied Brain Goes Boom

by Bill Brenner November 29, 2010 Depression

The Boston Globe has an interesting story about going “Inside the bullied brain.” You might want to read it and offer up your opinion, because I have very, very strong opinions about this issue and I’m going to write about it in the morning before work.

Black Rain

by Bill Brenner November 17, 2010 Coping tools

Rain is pelting my living room window as I write this. As a child, the sound was comforting. Today, it’s the opposite. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=663L-GWQdws&fs=1&hl=en_US] As a kid, I found comfort in a cloudy sky and rain. I suppose it made me appreciate the inside of my house and gave me a cozy feeling. The overcast sky was like a blanket. I wanted to hide from a lot of things back then: the Crohn’s Disease…  [Read More]

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