Depression

The Happy Lamp

by Bill Brenner September 26, 2010 Coping tools

With the days getting shorter, I’m on the lookout for Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), something that hits me like a bat to the head each winter. I’ve written extensively about the medicinal therapy for this, but now I have a new weapon. Meet my new friend, the Happy Lamp: Erin bought two of these, one for me and one for Duncan, who also gets a bit crazy when the daylight recedes. To be honest, me…  [Read More]

Never Forgotten

by Bill Brenner September 25, 2010 Depression

That post about Zane resonated with a lot of people. It’s comforting to know he hasn’t been forgotten. Being forgotten. It’s everyone’s fear. I often worry that people who end their own lives will end up that way. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE7rkSELM3I&fs=1&hl=en_US] Though I’ve had many an episode with depression, I’ve never once considered suicide. That makes me no better than those who have. In my case, Faith has always prevented that line of thinking. Suicide…  [Read More]

Zane from the Point of Pines, Revere

by Bill Brenner September 23, 2010 Depression

I keep thinking of a kid from the Point of Pines who isn’t with us anymore. I’m not sure why this ghost is in my head, because we weren’t exactly friends. Mood music: [spotify:track:1GnCH2KszUkpUjXuDP2G3N] The kid’s name was Zane. I believe the last name was Mead, though I’m not sure if there’s an E at the end. He was what you would picture as a classic stoner kid. I think he was on something every…  [Read More]

Happily Ever After Is Bullshit & That’s OK

by Bill Brenner September 21, 2010 Addiction

Often, when depression slaps me upside the head, it’s on the heels of a prolonged period of good feelings and positive energy. Especially this time of year, when the daylight recedes early and returns late. These setbacks can be discouraging, but you can survive them with the right perspective. Mood music: It’s easy for people who fight mental illness and addictive behavior to go on an endless, futile search for the happily ever after, where…  [Read More]

The Positive Man’s Mask

by Bill Brenner September 20, 2010 Depression

My boss and good friend John Gallant once told me I’m one of the most positive people he knows. I was keeping a sunny disposition despite the Internet being down or something like that. I’m definitely a sunnier person than I used to be. To be truthful, though, sometimes it’s just an act. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukHqzqZOe7g&fs=1&hl=en_US] What brings me to that line of thinking is the crime wave of depression that hit me this weekend….  [Read More]

Mental Hangover

by Bill Brenner September 17, 2010 Depression

This morning I wrote about the one-two punch I got yesterday from the good and evil sides of OCD. Right now I’m experiencing a hangover as a result. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Iho1V–8G4&fs=1&hl=en_US] This hangover has nothing to do with binging or drinking. I did neither, though I did think seriously about it. I lingered in the wine section of the grocery store for a few minutes, wondering if I should buy a couple of those little…  [Read More]

Alone vs. Isolation

by Bill Brenner September 13, 2010 Coping tools

One of the big things I’ve struggled with over the years is when it’s OK to be alone and when it’s not. I spent a lot of years in isolation. I’m slowly realizing isolation and alone aren’t necessarily the same thing. Isolation never amounts to anything positive for me. Alone does — when I let it. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk7jVsiWb3o&fs=1&hl=en_US] I spent a lot of years in isolation when I was sickest with the OCD and…  [Read More]

Walking Toward Sanity

by Bill Brenner September 12, 2010 Coping tools

As a kid living on Revere Beach, long walks were my lifeline to sanity. At least once a day, I walked the entire length of the crescent-shaped coastline, from the edge of Revere Beach Boulevard to the city’s border with Winthrop. In more recent years, I haven’t walked much. But recent events are rekindling my love for it. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwKEdFoUB0o&fs=1&hl=en_US] I spent a lot of time walking around New York City this morning. I’m…  [Read More]

Sept. 11, 2001

by Bill Brenner September 10, 2010 Depression

Everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing on Sept. 11, 2001. Here’s my own account. Mood music: I was assistant New Hampshire editor at The Eagle-Tribune and I arrived in the newsroom at 4:30 a.m. as usual. I was already in a depressed mood. It wasn’t a sense of dread over something bad about to happen. It was simply my state of mind at the time. I wasn’t liking myself and was…  [Read More]

The Mood Swings Low

by Bill Brenner September 8, 2010 Depression

For reasons not immediately clear to me, I’m in the midst of a mood swing. The day started off well enough, so as a little exercise I’m going to bang on this keyboard and see if I can figure out what’s what. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYUm5T8uQIY&fs=1&hl=en_US] I woke up at 4 a.m. tired but happy. I was out late last night at one of the planning meetings for a weekend Catholic retreat I’m on team for…  [Read More]

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