Depression

A Sister’s Battle with Depression

by Bill Brenner September 7, 2010 Children's issues

This blog is chock full of my own experiences with depression and addiction. I even hint here and there about how the addictive behavior runs in the family. But I’ve avoided the story of depression among siblings until now. This post is about my older sister, who had it much harder than me, and whose progress over the years has inspired me.   I haven’t mentioned it up to this point because it’s her story…  [Read More]

Discriminating Against Head Cases

by Bill Brenner September 1, 2010 Communication Skills

I’ve seen plenty of examples of failed justice in my day: A judge letting an abusive dirt-bag dad get unsupervised weekend visits just because he reappeared after a few years. A thrice convicted pedophile being let back out on the streets. I never expected to hear about the court discriminating against someone for having OCD. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PI3RneGO_ks&fs=1&hl=en_US] I usually try not to write posts in response to comments that flow into this blog. I…  [Read More]

Dreading the Darkness

by Bill Brenner August 31, 2010 Depression

It’s 5:12 a.m. on Aug. 31, and it’s still dark outside. I already miss the 4:30 a.m. daylight of a couple months ago. Looks like my anti-depression experiment is underway. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PntIAwAe20M&fs=1&hl=en_US] I’ve mentioned before that the fall and winter are usually periods of depression for me. There are two reasons. The first is that some ugly things have happened to me in previous winters. But the bigger reason is that the hours of…  [Read More]

Summer of 1990

by Bill Brenner August 28, 2010 Depression

I’m not sure why, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the summer of 1990. That was a rough summer with a serious streak of depression. And yet thinking about it takes me to a happy place. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K0z6ATxLk8Q&fs=1&hl=en_US] I’ve had to do a lot of digging into my past as part of my therapy and recovery from OCD. Sometimes I see it as a waste of time, since you can’t change the…  [Read More]

One of My Biggest Regrets

by Bill Brenner August 22, 2010 Communication Skills

Yesterday I saw many old friends from my Eagle-Tribune days at the retirement send-off for legendary editor Cheryl Rock. It was a great afternoon. But one of the people I saw there brought back the powerful memory of one of the worst things I ever did. I didn’t talk to Sally Gilman. I guess I felt too awkward and nervous. She didn’t say anything to me, either. She probably doesn’t remember me. But what I did…  [Read More]

Bully’s Remorse

by Bill Brenner August 19, 2010 Children's issues

There was a kid in high school everyone used to pick on. He had a monotone voice and was frail. Kids were terrible to him, including me. Mood music: [spotify:track:5Qy0zLjQy3czoj0yZ7DFkk] For you to understand what I’m about to get into, a review of the 12 Steps of Recovery are in order, with special emphasis on 8 and 9: 1. We admitted we were powerless over [insert addiction. Here’s mine]—that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to…  [Read More]

Riding The Blue Pill

by Bill Brenner August 2, 2010 Coping tools

Today an experiment begins. Though it’s still summer, I’m going back up an extra 20 MG on the Prozac. The goal: Avoid the deep slide into depression that usually comes just in time for the Christmas season. Mood music: “She Rides” by Danzig: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnizbRoqv84&hl=en_US&fs=1] I was at 60 MG for the winter and most of the spring, but dialed it back to 40 in May. The reason I’m going back up, though I feel fine,…  [Read More]

Friends Who Help You Heal, Part 2

by Bill Brenner July 30, 2010 Addiction

For a lot of years, I didn’t have many friends. It’s not that people didn’t like me. It’s just that I chose to isolate from the rest of the world for a long time. People with mental illness and addiction do that sort of thing. Mood music: “Damn Good” by David Lee Roth: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mIP7ySBXBg&hl=en_US&fs=1] I’ve been thinking a lot about it lately, because these days I seem to be spreading myself thin making plans with…  [Read More]

Lessons of a Thirty-something

by Bill Brenner July 20, 2010 Addiction

The author is reflecting a lot on things that happened in his 30s. Mood music: “Lunchbox” by Marylin Manson: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5Fo57AXW3w&hl=en_US&fs=1] Since my 40th birthday is next month, I’m thinking a lot about the last decade. In many ways, I’m not the same guy I was when I was staring at my 30th birthday. This has been a decade of healing, with a lot of broken scabs along the way. At the start of my 30s,…  [Read More]

Where My Head Is At Today

by Bill Brenner July 9, 2010 Depression

The author turns a corner after a messy couple of weeks. Mood music for this post: “Can’t Get It Out of My Head” by Velvet Revolver: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L374AQko1sY&hl=en_US&fs=1] As the reader knows, I’ve had a choppy couple weeks. Money troubles. Back troubles. Multiple mood swings. Depression. The addiction demon calling to me. But I’m turning the corner. I knew I would. I’ve done what I had to do to set things right. I tightened up my…  [Read More]

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