Fear and anxiety

You Can’t Be Everyone’s Friend

by Bill Brenner August 24, 2011 Adventures in writing

I once wrote about an obsession with the Facebook friend count. I worried about offending people who de-friended me. Lately I realize it’s ok if I can’t be everyone’s friend. I’m even warming to the idea. Mood music: I’ve always had this stupid idea that I needed to be everyone’s friend. Even when I was bullying someone, I’d turn around and try to be their friend. I always wanted everyone in my family to like…  [Read More]

Cold Turkey Has Got Me On The Run

by Bill Brenner August 22, 2011 Addiction

More than a week after I quit smoking cold turkey, I’m pissed off. It pisses me off that other people can enjoy a drink or two, the occasional cigar or feast without letting it take over everything else in their lives. Mood music from the debut EP of Pull Trouble From The Fire: [soundcloud url=”http://soundcloud.com/pulltroublefromthefire/06-dead-wait”] It pisses me off that I have to learn to behave and pretend I don’t wish I had some of…  [Read More]

I Pet My Peeves Until They Become Triggers

by Bill Brenner August 21, 2011 Addiction

I really hate all those pre-written, self-righteous Facebook posts. I told Erin I was going to write a post flaming all those stupid sayings. Mood music: “Tell me what that has to do with OCD?” she asked, giving me that stare she gives me when she’s certain that I’m full of shit. “It’s a trigger,” I said, not really meaning it. “It’s not a trigger. It’s a peeve. You going to go pet it now?”…  [Read More]

I Need A Lot Of Gum. And Maybe A Gun

by Bill Brenner August 19, 2011 Addiction

It’s been one week since I have smoked a cigarette or a cigar. The itch is gone but the crankiness is not. Mood music: I’m finding some relief in gum. But now I’m starting to think crazy thoughts about it. Behold: I find myself wondering if there are websites that sell exotic types of gum. I’m sure there are, though I haven’t looked yet. Beer-flavored gum? Cigar-flavored gum? Rum-flavored gum? The crazy thinking goes something…  [Read More]

No Faith, No Recovery. Period

by Bill Brenner August 18, 2011 Addiction

Some of my readers don’t like to talk about religion. It’s something where most of us simply can’t find common ground. But I often write about my Faith anyway, because it’s essential to my recovery. If some find it uncool, so be it. Third in a series about the 12 Steps of Recovery and how they apply to me. Step 2 – Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. This is where…  [Read More]

Everyone Has Opinions. Everyone Has Research. Does Anyone Have THE Answer?

by Bill Brenner August 17, 2011 Communication Skills

Readers have been sending me all kinds of articles lately about where addiction and mental illness come from and how best to recover. It’s useful and appreciated. But there’s a missing piece. A big missing piece. Mood music: Here’s the thing about addicts: We know all the things you’re supposed to do to get well. We know full well what is good for us and what is bad. And when the itch takes over our…  [Read More]

I Have Coffee, Rock & Roll, Gum and This Keyboard. Don’t Mess With Me

by Bill Brenner August 17, 2011 Addiction

Day five without tobacco is upon me, and I’m doing OK. Uncomfortable, yes. But OK. I have other crutches to keep me tobacco free AND free of binge eating: –I have strong coffee. –I have all the Rock & Roll I want, and I’m keeping the music playing. –I’m chewing a shitload of gum and my breath has probably never been so clean and fresh. –And I have this keyboard. Writing ALWAYS helps. But I’m…  [Read More]

I Started Twitching and Can’t Stop

by Bill Brenner August 16, 2011 Addiction

I have a major case of OCD Fidget Syndrome today. It started with an 8 a.m. meeting in work and seems to have gotten worse as the morning has dragged on. In the meeting I noticed I kept swiveling my chair back and forth and changing positions. I kept tugging at my clothes. I must have gotten pretty slick about it, because people didn’t seem to notice. Then we had a small editorial meeting and…  [Read More]

A Link Between Prednisone, Mental Illness

by Bill Brenner August 16, 2011 Addiction

Since I have Crohn’s Disease, I’ve been asked if it’s linked to OCD. Yesterday, someone took the question a step further and asked if I think Prednisone led to my mental illness. Mood music: Here was the question, as posed to me on Facebook: “Bill, do you think prednisone had anything to do with your OCD? You are the second person I know to have Crohn’s and depression, I have taken the drug in the past and…  [Read More]

Caught Smoking

by Bill Brenner August 15, 2011 Addiction

You’ve heard the sorry old tale of the addict who cleaned up from the addiction that made his life unmanageable, only to pick up three more vices. That’s me. Take the surprise Erin got when opening my work bag. Mood music: She was cleaning and found earphones that belonged to me. She unzipped a front compartment in my laptop bag to put them away and had the unpleasant shock of discovering where I’d been hiding…  [Read More]

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