Fear and anxiety

Mr. Sunshine is on Sabbatical

by Bill Brenner August 14, 2011 Coping tools

It has come to my attention that I’ve been irritable lately. I’m not as outgoing as usual. I don’t have the usual energy. Those who have noted my descending mood trace it back to early June — after Dad suffered his two strokes. My initial reaction to that was irritation. Too fucking bad, I thought. So sorry I allowed Mr. Sunshine to take a sabbatical. How inconvenient for everyone. After a few minutes of that, I…  [Read More]

Rethinking Jani Lane Upon His Death

by Bill Brenner August 12, 2011 Addiction

Former Warrant singer Jani Lane was found dead last night in a Comfort Inn in L.A. at age 47. It’s unclear at this point what the cause is, but his death is making me re-think a few things about my attitude. Mood music: I remember when Warrant came out in the late 1980s. I couldn’t stand them. Sure, they sounded good. Crunchy guitar sound. Good vocals. But it all sounded so fake. I thought “Cherry Pie”…  [Read More]

An Expected Encounter With My Mother

by Bill Brenner August 11, 2011 Depression

I’m in my therapist’s office, going over the things he routinely asks about to make sure I’m playing with a full deck. He asks if I’ve talked to mom recently. No, I tell him. But, I expect to see her this weekend — the first time in two years. Mood music: He asks if I’m nervous about it. To my surprise as well as his, I tell him I’m not — and I actually mean…  [Read More]

Protecting Your Kids Isn’t Always Right

by Bill Brenner August 10, 2011 Children's issues

I’ve always been fiercely protective of my children. Part of it is that fear of loss. I’m like Marlin the clown fish in “Finding Nemo.” Like Marlin, I’m starting to realize I need to let the kids have some adventures. Mood music: Any good parent is going to be over-protective to a point, and that’s how it should be. God gave us these kids to nurture, and we have to make sure they make it to…  [Read More]

I Am Absolutely Powerless

by Bill Brenner August 9, 2011 Addiction

Second in a series… Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over (insert addiction) — that our lives had become unmanageable. Mood music: I am powerless. Or, you could say, my addictions have absolute power over me. Even when sober and abstinent, they are right behind me, doing push-ups, waiting for my one reckless moment of weakness. Now that I know this, life is a lot better. I can do what I must to be well and I’m…  [Read More]

From youngest child to oldest son: Anatomy of an identity crisis

by Bill Brenner August 8, 2011 Children's issues

When a sibling’s death turns the baby of the family into the oldest son, you get an identity crisis filled with anger and confusion. As part of my treatment for OCD I’ve had to dig deep into my Revere past for clues on how I got this way. Recently, this huge piece of the puzzle presented itself. Mood music: [spotify:track:5QJ7GsolBcJP0tQnEZIU6i] I’ve written at length about my brother Michael, who died of an asthma attack when…  [Read More]

A Personality Defect We All Share

by Bill Brenner August 6, 2011 Communication Skills

When you hear about people with conflicting personalities, the image of an insane asylum patient comes to mind. If that were indeed the accurate picture, we would all be committed. Mood music: The truth is that we all have more than one personality. We can be one person in one group setting, then go to another group setting and become somebody else. I don’t think that’s such a bad thing, either. This all came up…  [Read More]

U.S. Loses, AAA Credit Rating. Mental Health Tested Next

by Bill Brenner August 6, 2011 Fear and anxiety

For a lot of people with mental illness, world events can have a crushing effect on sanity. Especially when those events can have a direct effect on the personal finances. Mood music: For me and my OCD, it used to be that way all the time. The recent financial crises, including the latest news about the U.S. losing its AAA credit rating, would have sent me into a sharp tailspin a few years ago. I…  [Read More]

When Playing It Safe Makes Things Worse

by Bill Brenner August 5, 2011 Children's issues

I had coffee with a friend from the security industry yesterday. I thought I was coming to offer feedback on something having to do with the profession. Then he told me about a mental-emotional problem. Mood music: [spotify:track:4DA95pyBe6QORPGvTEuMWQ] He told me he had a bunch of medical tests and they discovered that a small corner of his brain doesn’t work as well as it should. The result is that his short-term memory frequently takes a…  [Read More]

Debt Ceiling Debate Would’ve Killed Me A Few Years Ago

by Bill Brenner July 28, 2011 Fear and anxiety

I’m watching the political brinkmanship over the debt with much interest. But this time I’m more detached. A few years ago, I would have been sick over it. Mood music: http://youtu.be/t43VgJ4U9_Q That’s not to say I’m not more than a little concerned. If the U.S. goes into default the depth of economic chaos for us all will be severe. The world won’t end, but a lot of jobs could, which is a bad combination when…  [Read More]

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