Fear and anxiety

Snake on the Plane

by Bill Brenner February 12, 2011 Addiction

Tomorrow I get on another plane to another city — this time San Francisco. It’s time to go cover the RSA and B-Sides security events. I used to be a raving lunatic the day before a flight. Not anymore. Still, I feel uneasy this morning. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwzGvMwO-yg&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] My mind has been raw all week for a multitude of reasons. Mostly, it’s a case of winter getting to me. The sun is setting later each…  [Read More]

When Hurt No Longer Helps

by Bill Brenner January 21, 2011 Fear and anxiety

I was going to continue my tirade about people in AA and OA who take the program too far, but I find myself thinking about friends who are hurting. It’s the kind of hurt that’s justified. But after awhile, it stops being helpful. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o22eIJDtKho&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] Hurt can be a helpful thing at the beginning of a traumatic experience. In a whacked sort of way, it’s a survival tool. If you’ve lost someone or your…  [Read More]

Dan Waters of Revere, Mass.

by Bill Brenner January 16, 2011 Depression

Seeing The Neighborhoods perform at the Joe “Zippo” Kelley benefit last night reminded me of my old friend Danny Waters. He shared in many of the adventures — good and bad — of my youth. Mood music: It was Sean Marley who introduced me to Dan. It was 1986 and I dropped in on the Marley residence (2 doors down from me) on a Sunday morning. Sean and Dan had been up late the night…  [Read More]

Message for a Young Friend

by Bill Brenner January 13, 2011 Children's issues

Two old friends have a son who’s been through the meat grinder too many times in his 12 short years. Some think he should settle in for a lesser life than he’s capable of. I say bullshit. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6a9WmfFKs8&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999] My young friend’s name is Mark. He lives in a city on the North Shore of Massachusetts. That’s all I’ll reveal about his identity. But his parents will know this is for him and will…  [Read More]

Death of a Sibling

by Bill Brenner January 7, 2011 Children's issues

Twenty-seven years ago today, my brother, Michael S. Brenner, died of an asthma attack at age 17. I can’t blame his death on the demons I’d battle in the years that followed. But it left deep scars all the same. Mood music: I think the end came for him at 8:20 p.m., though I could be mistaken. That day a trend began where I would befriend people a few years older than me. A couple…  [Read More]

Am I Too Hard on Myself?

by Bill Brenner January 5, 2011 Addiction

A friend asked that question yesterday. I’ve certainly been accused of being too hard on myself before. My step-mother reads this blog and told me I should give myself a break. Steve Lambert, former editor of The Eagle-Tribune, said I was too hard on myself when I wrote the “One of My Biggest Regrets” post. Mood music: [spotify:track:0OXjHxbrmrkpvqudvzWlDR] The short answer is that sometimes I am, most of the time I’m not. When I was…  [Read More]

The Hole in Your Soul

by Bill Brenner January 3, 2011 Addiction

A lot of changes to my program of sobriety and abstinence are under way, and I feel like I’m running on nuclear power. Last night was my first Big Book Step Study meeting, which is quite different from the speaker-discussion meetings I’m used to. It only took me a few seconds to realize why I had to be there. Mood music: A lot of times when someone sobers up or stops binge eating, it’s a…  [Read More]

Midwest Center for Fraud & Bullshit

by Bill Brenner January 2, 2011 Addiction

Cleaning out the trunk of my car yesterday, I came across a stack of cassette tapes from a period in my life when I was so desperate I’d spend stupid sums of money on anything to remove my fear and anxiety. These tapes were part of a program that cost me some $450. Each tape, sold by the Midwest Center for Stress & Anxiety, is designed to help people learn the skills to defeat anxiety and…  [Read More]

A Year in the Life

by Bill Brenner December 31, 2010 Addiction

This isn’t a post about New Years resolutions. I don’t need a holiday to make changes in my life. IT IS about lessons I’ve learned in an effort to make resolutions. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pNUU8jHXLMg&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] There’s been plenty of unpleasant stuff this year. I’ve watched two marriages fall apart. We had a couple months where money was painfully tight. My recovery has never been easy. But that’s life. A big fistful of goodness slammed down on…  [Read More]

More on Kids and Divorce

by Bill Brenner December 22, 2010 Children's issues

Yesterday’s post on children and divorce hit a tender nerve for a lot of you, so I feel a few clarifications are in order. Mood music: http://youtu.be/kJHFaU0lpZ8 Here’s what yesterday’s post WAS NOT: –A rebuke of single parents. I know a lot of single parents who bust their ass and give their children a lot more love than some of the married couples I’ve met in my day. –A plea for people in troubled marriages…  [Read More]

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