Fear and anxiety

Screwing Your Kids in the Divorce

by Bill Brenner December 21, 2010 Children's issues

When people you know go through a divorce, much is made over who gets what and who loses what. The ex-wife gets the house. The ex-husband gets full custody of the kids. But here’s a constant that’s most upsetting: The kids almost always get the shaft. Mood music: http://youtu.be/gvkvJo2VRJc Parents don’t usually mean for this to happen. They start out determined to shower the children with love and shield them from the ugly stuff as…  [Read More]

The Christmas Dispirit

by Bill Brenner December 14, 2010 Depression

Yesterday was a day for vicious mood swings. It started on a high note at work. I got a lot done and I’m loving this new newsy focus we’re transitioning to. But by the drive home, my mood grew as dark as the sky. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WIaXYIEQivk&fs=1&hl=en_US] Things got progressively worse at home. Sean and Duncan were high maintenance and I let it get to me much more than I usually do. I started thinking…  [Read More]

Christmas Doesn’t Suck Like It Used To

by Bill Brenner December 8, 2010 Depression

The Christmas season remains an uncomfortable time of year for me. I’m used to going into a deep depression the second December starts. But something’s different this year. For the first time in a long time, I’m not dreading it. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GNtipSggWY&fs=1&hl=en_US] Life isn’t perfect. It never will be. Not supposed to be. But I’m finally starting to move past the idea that Christmas is supposed to always be perfect, sparkling and free of…  [Read More]

Friends in Crisis

by Bill Brenner December 3, 2010 Communication Skills

I have a few friends who are in crisis these days, making my own struggles seem trivial. Talking to them is a lot like living in the Twilight Zone. I’m used to being self absorbed. Mood music: [spotify:track:7bv9wNXN3FHKMRTMdi48fL] I have to admit something: I’m not that good at being there for others. Lord knows I try, but I get so stuck in my own head sometimes that it’s hard to see what’s happening around me….  [Read More]

Readings From The Book Of Crap

by Bill Brenner December 1, 2010 Communication Skills

I’ve noticed a sad phenomena in the halls of recovery. And I’ve had just about enough of it. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60J6HlvfePM&fs=1&hl=en_US] A lot of my 12-Step brothers and sisters have a saying: “I’m taking inventory.” It’s supposed to be about reflecting on your own growth and behavior. But it’s really about trash talking other people. One person is doing too much of it lately. Everyone who walks into an OA, AA or NA meeting is a little…  [Read More]

Feeling anxious

by Bill Brenner December 1, 2010 Fear and anxiety

No, it’s not an anxiety attack. It’s not fear. But it’s a feeling of anxiousness I haven’t felt in a long while. The trigger is an old friend. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZvxHFmKl_Qo&fs=1&hl=en_US] I used to live in a constant state of panic over work. The constant fear of not measuring up or being liked. A couple years ago I largely lost those fears. I just decided to do the best I could for me and let…  [Read More]

Bullied Minds, Bad Choices

by Bill Brenner November 30, 2010 Addiction

I’m quite taken with this Boston Globe article about the long-term impact of bullying. There’s some truth to the conclusions, but also a lot of bullshit. Mood music: [spotify:track:0xwK8KzT8gFa7f4MsYYpQu] Of the new research, the Globe article says the following: A new wave of research into bullying’s effects … is now suggesting … that in fact, bullying can leave an indelible imprint on a teen’s brain at a time when it is still growing and developing….  [Read More]

Me and My Wall

by Bill Brenner November 4, 2010 Addiction

When I get tired and angry, I have this wall I put up. Erin is usually the one who crashes into it. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PpAbUvl3eTk&fs=1&hl=en_US] She’s been building a freelance editing business for the past year, and the hours she puts in would kill a lesser person. I’ve taken on a lot of extra things around the house to help, and for the last week or so the fatigue and frustration has set in. Not…  [Read More]

Passing Insanity to Your Kids

by Bill Brenner November 1, 2010 Children's issues

This weekend a friend asked if I worry about passing the “crazies” on to my children. The answer: Every day. But here’s why I don’t despair about it like I used to. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZeybYbTblM&fs=1&hl=en_US] First, a few facts: Some of my quirks were definitely passed down to me from my parents. The OCD comes straight from my mother, and the emotional wall I sometimes put up to deal with it comes from my father….  [Read More]

Facing Down a Fear

by Bill Brenner October 25, 2010 Fear and anxiety

One thing I’ve become somewhat obsessed with in my recovery is facing down specific fears. Public speaking is one example. Now I do that often and with ease. Today I scratched something else off the list. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1Sypr3mF44&fs=1&hl=en_US] I’m in Toronto for the SecTor security conference, and before buckling down to work I took a couple hours to walk around and clear my head. Looking up, I saw the tip of the CN Tower,…  [Read More]

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