Fear and anxiety

Out of the Closet, Into the Light

by Bill Brenner October 23, 2010 Addiction

My kid sister-in-law told me a friend of hers has admitted to some hefty demons. I won’t mention the person’s name (I don’t know her, actually), but I know where she’s been. Mood music: [spotify:track:5F6rwEF15hN1jnhNk2YQHn] This is a little message for her friend, in the event she someday stumbles upon this blog: Outing yourself is a hard thing to do. When I did it, I was terrified at first because I thought my mental struggles…  [Read More]

One More Thing About Being Depressed and Gay…

by Bill Brenner October 20, 2010 Depression

A lot of folks have left comments on my post about homosexuality and depression. All of them are excellent, thoughtful responses and I hope you’ll check them out. But there’s one response I’m puzzled over. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOx37_h0UH8&fs=1&hl=en_US] It came from David Nedlin, operations manager at Beyond the 12 Steps. He left the following comment in the “Mental Health and Addiction Specialist” forum on LinkedIn, where I sometimes post my blog entries: “Ridiculous post – I thought this…  [Read More]

Broken Souls, Emotional Breakdowns

by Bill Brenner October 19, 2010 Fear and anxiety

I’ve been in a strange place lately. I’m fine and all, but I’ve been around a lot of broken people, and that has an impact on you after awhile. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3px0m1Y9Tuc&fs=1&hl=en_US] I can’t get into the stuff that has brought these friends to the brink, but I can say there’s been a lot of crying. Given my own trouble with tears, it’s rather funny that I’d be in this position. But I’ll do anything…  [Read More]

The Inconvenience of Death

by Bill Brenner October 6, 2010 Fear and anxiety

It happens whenever someone dies. After the initial shock passes, you start thinking about when the wake and funeral will take place — and whether it will get in the way of your work-family-entertainment plans. It’s a sucky way to be, but it’s human nature. Today’s mood music is very appropriate: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W2FX4aYo3dE&fs=1&hl=en_US] My great-grandmother died hours before my 25th birthday. Her daughter — my Nana — died on Columbus Day weekend in 2003. Papa died…  [Read More]

43 Years Through The Minefield

by Bill Brenner October 3, 2010 Coping tools

Today is my sister Wendi’s 43rd birthday. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate the day than to explain what she’s been through and how far she has come. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MceneYWgPc4&fs=1&hl=en_US] A Sister’s Battle with Depression This blog is chock full of my own experiences with depression and addiction. I even hint here and there about how the addictive behavior runs in the family. But I’ve avoided the story of depression among siblings until now….  [Read More]

Say Hello to My New Limit

by Bill Brenner September 30, 2010 Coping tools

Another mood swing this afternoon. The dark, brooding sky appears to be rubbing off on me. The happy lamp helps, but if I sit in front of it too long I get the sweats. And it’s not the same as sunshine. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMWhk4u2c4g&fs=1&hl=en_US] I’ve been having a lot of these episodes lately, and it worries me. It’s most likely the result of my sleep pattern being out of whack. I alternate between too much…  [Read More]

The Amityville Obsession

by Bill Brenner September 28, 2010 Children's issues

Part of my obsessive-compulsive behavior includes a study of the more morbid pieces of history. The Manson murders is one example. The Amityville murders is another. Lately, I’ve been obsessed with the latter. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=72rWAe0pUdQ&fs=1&hl=en_US] The match for the fire is a book I just read called “The Night The DeFeos Died” by Ric Osuna. The book goes a long way in crushing the bullshit hoax about the house being haunted. I watched “The…  [Read More]

Never Forgotten

by Bill Brenner September 25, 2010 Depression

That post about Zane resonated with a lot of people. It’s comforting to know he hasn’t been forgotten. Being forgotten. It’s everyone’s fear. I often worry that people who end their own lives will end up that way. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aE7rkSELM3I&fs=1&hl=en_US] Though I’ve had many an episode with depression, I’ve never once considered suicide. That makes me no better than those who have. In my case, Faith has always prevented that line of thinking. Suicide…  [Read More]

Happily Ever After Is Bullshit & That’s OK

by Bill Brenner September 21, 2010 Addiction

Often, when depression slaps me upside the head, it’s on the heels of a prolonged period of good feelings and positive energy. Especially this time of year, when the daylight recedes early and returns late. These setbacks can be discouraging, but you can survive them with the right perspective. Mood music: It’s easy for people who fight mental illness and addictive behavior to go on an endless, futile search for the happily ever after, where…  [Read More]

The Positive Man’s Mask

by Bill Brenner September 20, 2010 Depression

My boss and good friend John Gallant once told me I’m one of the most positive people he knows. I was keeping a sunny disposition despite the Internet being down or something like that. I’m definitely a sunnier person than I used to be. To be truthful, though, sometimes it’s just an act. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukHqzqZOe7g&fs=1&hl=en_US] What brings me to that line of thinking is the crime wave of depression that hit me this weekend….  [Read More]

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