Fear and anxiety

Mental Hangover

by Bill Brenner September 17, 2010 Depression

This morning I wrote about the one-two punch I got yesterday from the good and evil sides of OCD. Right now I’m experiencing a hangover as a result. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Iho1V–8G4&fs=1&hl=en_US] This hangover has nothing to do with binging or drinking. I did neither, though I did think seriously about it. I lingered in the wine section of the grocery store for a few minutes, wondering if I should buy a couple of those little…  [Read More]

Alone vs. Isolation

by Bill Brenner September 13, 2010 Coping tools

One of the big things I’ve struggled with over the years is when it’s OK to be alone and when it’s not. I spent a lot of years in isolation. I’m slowly realizing isolation and alone aren’t necessarily the same thing. Isolation never amounts to anything positive for me. Alone does — when I let it. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk7jVsiWb3o&fs=1&hl=en_US] I spent a lot of years in isolation when I was sickest with the OCD and…  [Read More]

Sept. 11, 2001

by Bill Brenner September 10, 2010 Depression

Everyone remembers where they were and what they were doing on Sept. 11, 2001. Here’s my own account. Mood music: I was assistant New Hampshire editor at The Eagle-Tribune and I arrived in the newsroom at 4:30 a.m. as usual. I was already in a depressed mood. It wasn’t a sense of dread over something bad about to happen. It was simply my state of mind at the time. I wasn’t liking myself and was…  [Read More]

The Mood Swings Low

by Bill Brenner September 8, 2010 Depression

For reasons not immediately clear to me, I’m in the midst of a mood swing. The day started off well enough, so as a little exercise I’m going to bang on this keyboard and see if I can figure out what’s what. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jYUm5T8uQIY&fs=1&hl=en_US] I woke up at 4 a.m. tired but happy. I was out late last night at one of the planning meetings for a weekend Catholic retreat I’m on team for…  [Read More]

A Sister’s Battle with Depression

by Bill Brenner September 7, 2010 Children's issues

This blog is chock full of my own experiences with depression and addiction. I even hint here and there about how the addictive behavior runs in the family. But I’ve avoided the story of depression among siblings until now. This post is about my older sister, who had it much harder than me, and whose progress over the years has inspired me.   I haven’t mentioned it up to this point because it’s her story…  [Read More]

Spitting in the Eye of Hurricane Earl

by Bill Brenner September 3, 2010 Fear and anxiety

I used to be terrified of hurricanes. The fear and anxiety in me would latch onto these storms like Crazy Glue. Yet with Hurricane Earl approaching New England, I’m feeling strangely apathetic. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGfKi6kpdTQ&fs=1&hl=en_US] Maybe it’s because I don’t live on the coast anymore. In Haverhill, we’re not expecting much from Earl. Some of it is definitely because a lot of the storm-driven fear left me when I brought the OCD under control. Let’s…  [Read More]

Discriminating Against Head Cases

by Bill Brenner September 1, 2010 Communication Skills

I’ve seen plenty of examples of failed justice in my day: A judge letting an abusive dirt-bag dad get unsupervised weekend visits just because he reappeared after a few years. A thrice convicted pedophile being let back out on the streets. I never expected to hear about the court discriminating against someone for having OCD. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PI3RneGO_ks&fs=1&hl=en_US] I usually try not to write posts in response to comments that flow into this blog. I…  [Read More]

The Anxiety Attack

by Bill Brenner August 24, 2010 Fear and anxiety

Overcoming fear and anxiety is a major theme of this blog, and people who think they’ve experienced it often ask me to describe what it’s like for me. Mood music: It’s been about four years since experiencing a real anxiety attack, but I remember the feeling well. It starts with a worry. Maybe it’s concern that Sean and Duncan are sick. Kids below the age of 10 spike fevers all the time, especially in the…  [Read More]

Dirty and Fried

by Bill Brenner August 12, 2010 Fear and anxiety

It’s been an eventful week and I am close to fried. But before I collapse, I have many hours of travel ahead. As daunting as that may seem, I’m feeling a strange sort of satisfaction this morning. Rough as this has been, I accomplished a lot. I got four articles out of the conferences I attended — one extra than planned, thanks to the Secret Service. I got to spend time with our cousins, who…  [Read More]

Riding The Blue Pill

by Bill Brenner August 2, 2010 Coping tools

Today an experiment begins. Though it’s still summer, I’m going back up an extra 20 MG on the Prozac. The goal: Avoid the deep slide into depression that usually comes just in time for the Christmas season. Mood music: “She Rides” by Danzig: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnizbRoqv84&hl=en_US&fs=1] I was at 60 MG for the winter and most of the spring, but dialed it back to 40 in May. The reason I’m going back up, though I feel fine,…  [Read More]

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