Grief management

Rethinking Jani Lane Upon His Death

by Bill Brenner August 12, 2011 Addiction

Former Warrant singer Jani Lane was found dead last night in a Comfort Inn in L.A. at age 47. It’s unclear at this point what the cause is, but his death is making me re-think a few things about my attitude. Mood music: I remember when Warrant came out in the late 1980s. I couldn’t stand them. Sure, they sounded good. Crunchy guitar sound. Good vocals. But it all sounded so fake. I thought “Cherry Pie”…  [Read More]

One Year Later: Missing Joe “Zippo” Kelley

by Bill Brenner August 8, 2011 Faith

Hard to believe, but it’s been a year since the death of Joe “Zippo” Kelley. I listened to Zippo Raid’s “Punk Is In Season” disc on the way home from work and smiled the whole time. In the year since he died, Joe has had a big impact on my own life. Here’s the second track on that CD, one of my favorites: I’ve gotten to know his awesome parents, Joe and Marie, and a lot…  [Read More]

From youngest child to oldest son: Anatomy of an identity crisis

by Bill Brenner August 8, 2011 Children's issues

When a sibling’s death turns the baby of the family into the oldest son, you get an identity crisis filled with anger and confusion. As part of my treatment for OCD I’ve had to dig deep into my Revere past for clues on how I got this way. Recently, this huge piece of the puzzle presented itself. Mood music: [spotify:track:5QJ7GsolBcJP0tQnEZIU6i] I’ve written at length about my brother Michael, who died of an asthma attack when…  [Read More]

When Playing It Safe Makes Things Worse

by Bill Brenner August 5, 2011 Children's issues

I had coffee with a friend from the security industry yesterday. I thought I was coming to offer feedback on something having to do with the profession. Then he told me about a mental-emotional problem. Mood music: [spotify:track:4DA95pyBe6QORPGvTEuMWQ] He told me he had a bunch of medical tests and they discovered that a small corner of his brain doesn’t work as well as it should. The result is that his short-term memory frequently takes a…  [Read More]

You CAN Revisit Your Past (A Trip to Revere)

by Bill Brenner July 15, 2011 Addiction

Erin had an audio conference to record Thursday morning, so to ensure a quiet house, I put the kids in the car and went to Revere Beach, the scene of my tumultuous, painful, angry yet beautiful upbringing. I’ve written a lot about Revere in this blog. How could I avoid it? But I’ve been short on photos to show you. I fixed that problem with this latest journey back in time. Sean and Duncan had…  [Read More]

Social Anxiety, Alcohol And Whatever Else Numbed Me

by Bill Brenner July 5, 2011 Addiction

Addicts often become the way they are because they suffer from severe social anxiety. To carry on in a large group setting is as painful as having a leg sawed off while wide awake. I know the feeling very well.   Item: It’s December 2001 and I’m at the home of the big boss for the annual Christmas party. I skipped out on this celebration a year earlier because talking to co-workers about anything other…  [Read More]

The Problem With ‘One Day At A Time’

by Bill Brenner June 20, 2011 Addiction

“One day at a time? You wouldn’t believe the crap that swirls around my head one day at a time.” –Anonymous Recovering addicts have a saying burned into their brains: “One Day at a Time.” It’s important wisdom to live by. But when the recovering addict has OCD, there’s a big problem. Mood music: Let’s look at the meaning of “One Day at a Time.” In the world of 12-step recovery programs, the idea is…  [Read More]

Back Story Of THE OCD DIARIES

by Bill Brenner May 14, 2011 Addiction

Since I’ve been adding new readers along the way, I always get questions about why I started this thing. I recently expanded the “about” section, and that’s a good starting point. But more of a back story is in order. Mood music: Before I started THE OCD DIARIES in December 2009 with a post about depression hitting me during the holidays, I had always toyed with the idea of doing this. The reason for wanting…  [Read More]

Had He Lived

by Bill Brenner May 3, 2011 Gratitude

Today would have been my brother’s 45th birthday. I sometimes wonder what he’d be doing and saying in the crazy world we inhabit today. Mood music: <object width=”640″ height=”510″><param name=”movie” value=”http://www.youtube.com/v/ZADcJdFY-0w?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0″></param><param name=”allowFullScreen” value=”true”></param><param name=”allowscriptaccess” value=”always”></param>[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZADcJdFY-0w&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0]</object> Let’s go back to 1984, the year he left us. He probably would have been amused to find me hanging out with Sean Marley and listening to Motley Crue and Def Leppard. He would have noticed my widening girth…  [Read More]

Osama bin Laden’s Death And The Importance of Closure

by Bill Brenner May 2, 2011 Grief management

I just wrote a blog post on @CSOonline about bin Laden’s death and how, in my opinion, it doesn’t change things. My good friend Alan Shimel read it and immediately took issue with what I said: “Sorry, it does change everything. A sense of closure that I didn’t even realize I was craving all of these years,” he wrote. He can understand the craving for closure better than I can on this matter. He lost…  [Read More]

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →