Grief management

Prayers for Old Friends

by Bill Brenner April 22, 2011 Coping tools

This morning my thoughts and prayers are with the Jones family, who mourn the loss of a daughter and sister. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKbPUzhWeeI&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] Twenty years ago, I would hang out with this family for days on end. Jeff Jones (he goes by Geoff Wolfe today) was my fellow Doors freak, and I remember many pleasant afternoon’s and evenings in their back yard. I was there for July 4 1991, which I remember because someone…  [Read More]

The Pink FEAR-ies Strike Again

by Bill Brenner April 15, 2011 Children's issues

Since Duncan’s favorite color is pink, I get pretty pissed when I see stories about the high-and-mighty going nuts because they mistake a color for a gender or sexual orientation. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwQ0fVShIZk&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] The latest example is this J. Crew ad, where a mom is painting her son’s toe-nails hot pink: People have been going absolutely crazy over this, suggesting that the boy will be scarred for life and need thousands of dollars of…  [Read More]

When Does It Get Better? (A.K.A. Happiness After Suicide)

by Bill Brenner April 5, 2011 Coping tools

I got a note last night that moved me enough that I need to get it out here. It was from a woman who was close to Zane Mead, who I wrote about a few months back. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0NlGbLbUl_w&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] I don’t remember Tammy Digan from back in the day, but that doesn’t surprise me. I was mostly a loner back then. Except for a few close friends, I kept to myself. But I…  [Read More]

Good Grief, Bad Grief

by Bill Brenner March 21, 2011 Grief management

TIME Magazine book reviewer Mary Pols wrote an excellent review of two books about grief in the February 2011 issue. The points she makes are exactly in keeping with how I try to conduct myself in this blog. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkRYWZ_lhqE&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] She reviews two books about grief — “History of a Suicide: My Sister’s Unfinished Life” by Jill Bialosky, and Joyce Carol Oates’ “A Widow’s Story.” She finds a lot more value from the former than…  [Read More]

Mister Rogers’ Mother Was Right

by Bill Brenner March 14, 2011 Children's issues

Say what you will about Mister Rogers. His speech and mannerisms may stop being cool after you hit puberty, but the lessons he taught are timeless and ageless. My friend Olivia Gatti shared this quote from Mr. Rogers on Facebook awhile back: When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day,…  [Read More]

Sympathy for the Unsympathetic

by Bill Brenner March 8, 2011 Addiction

I tend to get a lot of mail from people who read this blog, particularly the stuff about the rougher parts of my life. God Bless ’em, because they’re good people who want to buck me up. But I think they misunderstand where I’m coming from sometimes. Mood music: [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvJGQ_piwI0&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] There are days when my posts cross over to darker territory, especially when a wave of depression or OCD moment hits. I also do…  [Read More]

A Long-Silenced Voice Speaks

by Bill Brenner January 24, 2011 Gratitude

My dear friend Joy, who readers know by now as the widow of my late friend Sean Marley, sent me a note today — a message from the distant past. Mood music: [spotify:track:2GMC1BnQle6WRstUGUs3mc] She was looking through some of Sean’s diaries and wanted to share something he wrote about me 20 years ago: “Bill is turning 20. He is such a fantastic human being. He feels so much and cares about the world and its…  [Read More]

When Hurt No Longer Helps

by Bill Brenner January 21, 2011 Fear and anxiety

I was going to continue my tirade about people in AA and OA who take the program too far, but I find myself thinking about friends who are hurting. It’s the kind of hurt that’s justified. But after awhile, it stops being helpful. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o22eIJDtKho&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] Hurt can be a helpful thing at the beginning of a traumatic experience. In a whacked sort of way, it’s a survival tool. If you’ve lost someone or your…  [Read More]

It Hurt Badly. Therefore, It Was Good

by Bill Brenner January 9, 2011 Depression

My cherished pal Penny Morang Richards made this comment to my “Death of a Sibling” post Friday: “It has to hurt. That’s how you know it was good.” Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WPmtiLeMMow&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999] She said it in response to my concluding thoughts: I’ve learned that life is a gift to be cherished and used wisely. I’ve also learned that it hurts sometimes. That’s OK. She knows exactly what she’s talking about. Go read the past year of entries in her…  [Read More]

Death of a Sibling

by Bill Brenner January 7, 2011 Children's issues

Twenty-seven years ago today, my brother, Michael S. Brenner, died of an asthma attack at age 17. I can’t blame his death on the demons I’d battle in the years that followed. But it left deep scars all the same. Mood music: I think the end came for him at 8:20 p.m., though I could be mistaken. That day a trend began where I would befriend people a few years older than me. A couple…  [Read More]

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