OCD

An OCD Exercise

by Bill Brenner January 22, 2011 OCD

I’m hearing there might be another snowstorm next week, with the timing dangerously close to my planned departure for the ShmooCon security conference. Let’s see if I can turn this into a positive. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZyVZFJGX5g&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0] See, I used to freak out every time I heard a snowstorm was coming. I’d immediately start raging about the plans that were going to get ruined and the work I was going to miss. Not that I ever…  [Read More]

Thinking is Not a Tool

by Bill Brenner January 19, 2011 Mental disorders

People like me who are recovering from addiction and an underlying mental disorder rely on a set of tools to live better, more useful lives. A food plan is one of them. Twelve-step meetings are another. Some people think thinking is a tool, but it’s really just another insidious bastard that robs us of sanity. Overthinking is something I have experience with. One of the most painful parts of OCD out of control is that…  [Read More]

Coffee With My Therapist

by Bill Brenner January 14, 2011 Medicine

I had my monthly appointment with the therapist this morning. Sadly, I ran out of time to hit the Starbucks drive-thru on the way. He’s one of those stress-reduction specialists who thinks I should quit coffee, avoid cigars and do yoga every morning. I do keep the cigars to a minimum, but coffee is about all I have left. And I will never do yoga. It’s just not my style. I always make it a…  [Read More]

Narcissism Inc.

by Bill Brenner January 10, 2011 Mental disorders

I’ve always wondered if I was a narcissist. I’ve been wondering even more since last week, when someone asked me when I reached a point in my recovery where I stopped being self-absorbed. I had to be honest and tell her I still get self absorbed. All the time. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOivymp6rto&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999] People with obsessive-compulsive tendencies are basket cases about being in control. Maybe it’s simply control of one’s sanity. Usually, it’s control of situations…  [Read More]

The Label on My Back is No Excuse

by Bill Brenner January 9, 2011 Communication Skills

I was talking to a priest the other night about therapy and getting diagnosed with a mental disorder when he frowned. “Everyone struggles with something,” he said. “It’s not good to slap a label on them and make them be defined by it.” Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ks8xhbNQw4g&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999] He’s not the first priest to react this way. Back in the fall I was going over a talk I was to give at an upcoming Cursillo retreat. I…  [Read More]

5 Signs I am Still an OCD Case

by Bill Brenner January 6, 2011 Mental disorders

I write all the time about my recovery, but I sometimes neglect to mention that many of my OCD quirks continue, even though I’m not paralyzed and anxious like I used to be. I don’t need an OCD screening quiz to know what I’m up against. Here are five signs that the condition is always there below the surface: Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hX6QGHI6MrA&fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x3a3a3a&color2=0x999999] –1. The other day, after putting away a new pair of boots and…  [Read More]

Am I Too Hard on Myself?

by Bill Brenner January 5, 2011 Addiction

A friend asked that question yesterday. I’ve certainly been accused of being too hard on myself before. My step-mother reads this blog and told me I should give myself a break. Steve Lambert, former editor of The Eagle-Tribune, said I was too hard on myself when I wrote the “One of My Biggest Regrets” post. Mood music: [spotify:track:0OXjHxbrmrkpvqudvzWlDR] The short answer is that sometimes I am, most of the time I’m not. When I was…  [Read More]

The Hole in Your Soul

by Bill Brenner January 3, 2011 Addiction

A lot of changes to my program of sobriety and abstinence are under way, and I feel like I’m running on nuclear power. Last night was my first Big Book Step Study meeting, which is quite different from the speaker-discussion meetings I’m used to. It only took me a few seconds to realize why I had to be there. Mood music: A lot of times when someone sobers up or stops binge eating, it’s a…  [Read More]

Midwest Center for Fraud & Bullshit

by Bill Brenner January 2, 2011 Addiction

Cleaning out the trunk of my car yesterday, I came across a stack of cassette tapes from a period in my life when I was so desperate I’d spend stupid sums of money on anything to remove my fear and anxiety. These tapes were part of a program that cost me some $450. Each tape, sold by the Midwest Center for Stress & Anxiety, is designed to help people learn the skills to defeat anxiety and…  [Read More]

OCD Hand Sanitizer

by Bill Brenner December 20, 2010 Lighthearted

If you can’t laugh at your mental defects once in awhile, you’re never going to get better. I definitely laughed when I saw this sitting on my desk: Repeated hand cleaning was never my biggest OCD quirk. Checking my laptop bag a dozen times before leaving work and checking the door nob before leaving the house were much bigger hangups for me. But I have used a lot of hand sanitizer in my day, so…  [Read More]

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