OCD

The Trouble With Wanting It All

by Bill Brenner August 15, 2010 Addiction

Ever since I got over my fear and anxiety I’ve had a bottomless appetite to do it all. I want to travel everywhere. I want to see everything. And I want to participate in as many events as possible. Sometimes that gets me in trouble. Here’s an example. Mood music: “Serve the Servants” by Nirvana: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aztw2s3PZzY Columbus Day Weekend there are two events I badly want to be a part of. One is something my security…  [Read More]

A New Jersey State of Rage

by Bill Brenner August 8, 2010 For travelers

It’s been one of those days: Six states in 14 hours. The plan was to do it in nine. Then I took a wrong turn in New Jersey.  It was the second anger management test I had in a week. I guess I passed. But for a few hours I seriously considered diving off the wagon head first. Mood music:  http://youtu.be/2spuprrj4Pg The drive was going well enough. We made it to New Jersey in record…  [Read More]

How the Recluse Became a Road Rat

by Bill Brenner August 6, 2010 For travelers

Since my OCD and anxiety used to make me deathly afraid of travel, it’s kind of weird that I do so much of it now without giving it much thought. Mood music: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A47HVhzF6No&hl=en_US&fs=1] This time, me, the wife and kids are driving down to the D.C. area. Not a White House tour like we had a couple months ago, but good times all the same. The family will stay with relatives in southern Maryland for…  [Read More]

A Lesson in Anger Management

by Bill Brenner August 4, 2010 Coping tools

As I’ve told readers before, I used to have a vicious anger streak. A big trigger used to be getting stuck in traffic. So I was surprised by my reaction yesterday when a sinkhole on I-93 North turned a 45-minute ride into a nearly 3-hour ordeal. I left the SANS Boston conference at 1:30 p.m., planning to finish up some work projects from home for the rest of the afternoon. I hit the traffic jam…  [Read More]

Riding The Blue Pill

by Bill Brenner August 2, 2010 Coping tools

Today an experiment begins. Though it’s still summer, I’m going back up an extra 20 MG on the Prozac. The goal: Avoid the deep slide into depression that usually comes just in time for the Christmas season. Mood music: “She Rides” by Danzig: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnizbRoqv84&hl=en_US&fs=1] I was at 60 MG for the winter and most of the spring, but dialed it back to 40 in May. The reason I’m going back up, though I feel fine,…  [Read More]

When to Let the OCD Run Hot

by Bill Brenner July 29, 2010 Coping tools

Sometimes the best way to deal with OCD when it runs hot is to simply let it run its course. That’s one of the things I’m learning about myself. Mood music for this post: “Check My Brain” by Alice in Chains: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OK1HRqP-fg&hl=en_US&fs=1] I’ve gotten pretty good at managing the disorder most of the time. Medication certainly helps, as do the therapy appointments and various coping tools I’ve developed over time. But even with those things,…  [Read More]

Lessons of a Thirty-something

by Bill Brenner July 20, 2010 Addiction

The author is reflecting a lot on things that happened in his 30s. Mood music: “Lunchbox” by Marylin Manson: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5Fo57AXW3w&hl=en_US&fs=1] Since my 40th birthday is next month, I’m thinking a lot about the last decade. In many ways, I’m not the same guy I was when I was staring at my 30th birthday. This has been a decade of healing, with a lot of broken scabs along the way. At the start of my 30s,…  [Read More]

The Perils of Service, Part 2

by Bill Brenner July 18, 2010 Addiction

Volunteering can be a bitch, especially when you forget who you’re there to help. Mood music for this post: “My Way” by Limp Bizkit: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PQ8Qi86i82s&hl=en_US&fs=1] Once a month, I spend a couple hours on a Saturday volunteering in the food pantry run by our church. It can be a frustrating endeavor. Part of the frustration is my own fault. I should be there more often, but I’m only there once a month because I’m spread…  [Read More]

Fear of Fat People

by Bill Brenner July 14, 2010 Addiction

What do you tell someone who says they’re afraid of fat people because they might “catch the disease” if they get too close? Read on and discuss. Mood music for this post: “Afraid” by Motley Crue: [youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aU-rtOouPOA&hl=en_US&fs=1] Someone in program told me that she’s afraid of fat people. Being in the same room with obesity fills her with terror. She’s worried that if she shakes a fat person’s hand, she’ll “catch the disease.” I couldn’t…  [Read More]

Coping With Tired: Tools of a Reformed Addict and OCD Case

by Bill Brenner July 13, 2010 Coping tools

Several writings about how the author copes with exhaustion. Mood music for this post: “I’m So Tired,” from The Beatles White Album: Someone who saw my “songs to play when tired” post asked what I do about being tied besides music and coffee. People with addictions and mental disorders are often tired — even when in recovery. These writings cover how I keep exhaustion at bay: Rest Re-defined The author finds that he gets the…  [Read More]

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